Those were the words that were stated at a church we use to work at.  And is what any church in America would say. I wish it felt true. It seems now more than ever, in our ministry, numbers matter.

“How many do you have in your youth group?”

“How many came to the weekend service?”

“How many showed up at mid-week?”

How many, how many, how many? That’s all we are hearing around here. Does it matter? Yes. On one hand I understand that numbers can reflect growth and health. But I also understand the “elders” (or whatever they are called at your church) deciding a number that they think should be attending and holding an unrealistic and not to mention unhealthy expectation over the youth staff’s head is crazy. I know my husband has spent a lot of time refocusing our youth group to bring it to a more healthy place for the students and the staff. Unfortunately the “powers that be” aren’t saying, “Wow what a happy, healthy youth group you have here!” “More students are serving now, than ever.” “More students are plugged into a small group more than ever.”  What they are saying is, “Wow, these numbers aren’t climbing like they used to. What’s wrong?” (Barf.)  It is so hard to win. More games, more concerts, more events, more camps…that’ll reach ‘em! Run your staff so ragged that they don’t have time for their families, make them so tired they question their call into ministry. What a great idea, all in the name of more numbers!

Wouldn’t it be great and so refreshing to get back to the basic thought of, its the people that matter, not the numbers. Because if our people (including students, staff, and families) are taken care of don’t you think the rest will fall into place?

(Sorry for the soap-box-speech)

Angelina had a great question, that we ask ourselves in ministry time and time again. The neverending question:  “You want to give your best to the church and youth group and it seems like more is expected but you want to be a healthy family also….How do you deal with that?

Sometimes life can get so hectic in ministry. You know, it really goes in seasons. And I can (most of the time) keep a clear head about me knowing the big picture that this too shall pass and there will be a peaceful time again. But my kids, as expected, are not the same. Recently there has been so much happening I have been bringing my kids to appropriate events, BBQ’s, game nights, dinners, etc., that they might think were fun and would get to see dad. After a few weeks of “fun” we were about to go to a family church BBQ to meet up with Jeff and my 5 year old son did not want to go. He was so sad about it. So I tried to tell him it would be fun for him, he would get to see daddy and other friends and we would all be together.

In his ever so wise 5 year old voice he says, “Daddy is there, but he can’t be with me.”

Oooh!!! So true. I didn’t think of it in the perspective of a 5 year old. It has to be pretty confusing to see daddy “playing” with other kids and not always available for his own. So as parents we will have to change things up a bit. Not go to so many “fun” events. We will work it out. I’m not too worried about the long term effects. But his words have really stayed with me this week. What a powerful sentence.

“You are there, but you can’t be with me.”

Does this statement trickle into any other parts of my world? Yes. I unfortunately think so. Not just with my kids sometimes, but with my relationship with my husband, relationships with friends, and my relationship with God. There are definitly times that life is going so fast, fun or not, that I am present, but not available. I would like to change that up a bit.

Just feeling a little sentimental…my first post a little more than a year ago, we’ve come so far. It has been so fun to see how God has grown this community of youth pastor’s wives. It has been such a blessing and encouragement to me to get to know all of you!

No, I didn’t think this through! Had I made a pro/con list, there is a good likely hood it wouldn’t have happened (sort of sarcastic). I was in full time ministry for a few years before we got married, so I kinda knew what I was in for. We got married and someone had to get a real job…me.

Then we started having kids, Dylan 4, Molly 2, and baby #3 on the way (due in September). So my ministry journey has been a roller coaster, but whose ministry journey isn’t? This is a crazy business being married to a youth pastor. Luckily, I have some wonderful mentors and friends who are on a similar journey and a great sense of humor. Because if you can’t laugh at your husband and your church…you will go nuts!

My hope for this blog is that it be a place for youth pastors’ wives to visit and laugh, and relate to these entries. I would love for this to become a little community where we can encourage each other through comments and even emails. I also pray that this would be a tool for us to learn from others who are on the same journey even though our stories are so different. I am not an expert but I am passionate about our calling. We are stretched much further than most know and are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

My hope and prayer for this blog remains the same.

Love you guys!

Amanda

So, we’re at the church campus Sunday afternoon with a friend. Just my kids and her kids. It’s awhile after the services, and we are just hanging out on the lawn. Our church happens to have a huge, like 50 ft., Christmas tree planted in the main lawn for ya know, Christmas. Anyway, my friend and I are chatin’ it up and in the nearish distance we hear two older ladies yelling/disciplining in firm voices, “You stop that!” “You boys know better.” (and the famous) “Where are you mothers?” …Oh crap.  We immediately stop talking and search for our boys hoping these voices are not reffering to our little angels, but knowing in our hearts they probably were. We glance around to see 3 little familiar boy butts, the back of 3 heads 1 brown hair, and 2 blonde facing the Christmas tree giving the tree, uhmmm a little water? We did not want to own up to it that those were our children. The thought crossed our minds to just do nothing as if they belonged to someone else until one of the ladies said, “That looks like Pastor Maguire’s son, he was in a video at church?”  Identified. Ah man!

Lesson- Don’t put your kids faces up in big church, then you have to own it.

SO embarassing!

Got anything better?

Post by Ashley Christian

Let’s talk about “the Senior Pastor’s Wife,”  or any other pastor’s wives at your church.  How are all you doing in your relationships with them?  Do you love them, having nothing but drama, not really know them?

I was so blessed to sit in a Q and A session with two amazing and experienced pastor’s wives, Kay Warren and Kathy Fields.  They talked about the importance of taking care of the staff wives, because if they are taken care of, they are less likely to feel territorial over their husband’s ministry when things get messy.  Unity serves everyone in the church.

So do you have that unity among pastor’s, elder’s, staff, or youth leader’s wives?  What does that look like for you?  I want to start meeting with our Pastor’s and Elder’s wives at our church but I’m not sure what direction to go in.  Certainly we don’t all need another small group, Bible study, or ministry since we are all so involved already.

If it were you, what would YOU want most out of time spent with these significant women’s in your husband’s ministry?  What would bless YOU the most and make you feel taken care of and supported?

Tonight we really experienced some of the perks of working with students. On Mondays I always make a big spaghetti dinner and it is our night to invite anyone from neighbors to students to interns to family and friends to dinner. Sometimes we have 2 people and sometimes 20. Its pretty fun. Tonight it ended up being just a few students. They all ate first (and fast) then they took our 3 kids and played tag in the front yard until it was dark, so for about an hour my husband and I ate alone in peace and quiet and had ourselves a mini date night. It was the best spaghetti dinner ever. Great time with students and great alone time all in one! I loved it

Post by Ann:

So, I know we pretty well covered this last spring, but summer is coming again.  I sat down with my husband last night to look over the next three months.  I cried.  This is our 10th summer.  Shouldn’t I have this down by now?

Today I called one of our favorite babysitters and asked her to set aside a few days in June.  That felt a little better.

Anyone have a few fresh ideas for surviving the May to August insanity?

Because we are wives of a youth pastor and we never disagree…

What if you don’t necessarily agree with the direction your husband is taking the ministry, or if you just don’t see eye to eye with ministry issues (he’s in charge of).
How can you feel this way and still have him feel supported?

What do you, as a WIFE, not as a staff person, not as a volunteer, not as a church attender, but just as a wife (that is still all of those other things)… what do you say or do to encourage your husband when all the chips are down? When the Senior Pastor is breathing down his neck, and the elders are not “behind” him anymore?
I want to fight, I want to take on the church. I want to knock on the Sr. Pastor’s door and tell him “what-for”. I also want to say, “forget it then, let’s pack up and go somewhere else.” (I would not suggest doing either if you want your husband to ever talk to you again.)
But its so hard to not be able to DO anything.

Been there?