Something happened to me this evening that happens every so often when I meet people for the first time that go to our church… I play soccer each week with a group of “soccer moms”. It is a random bunch of women and it is so much fun. I started playing because my neighbor invited me and she knows someone from her son’s school who brought someone from a league, who has a sister who plays soccer, etc., etc.. All that to say, they don’t go to our church and I barely know many of them and they could care less who my husband is and what he does for a living. We just have fun playing soccer because we are women who like it.

So tonight a lady shows up and recognizes my last name and asks if I go to church (I already knew where this was going). I say, “Yes” and of course her next question is- “Is your husband Jeff Maguire?” I say “Yes” (with a nice pastoral-ly wife grin), and go about warming up. Five minutes later she is back around telling me that just this morning when reading her Bible she thought of something Jeff had said once when he spoke in big church. “Oh, so nice…I’ll have to tell him you said that.”, I say. Maybe five more minutes pass, while on the field playing, she runs over to me to tell me she has just downloaded the Bible ap on her iphone. “So great!”, I say. (“Oh brother!” is what I am thinking).

As we continue to play she yells across the field “Do you like KWAVE radio??” (Its a Christian radio station in our area) “HOLY CRAP LADY! I’M TRYING TO PLAY SOCCER MRS. SPIRITUAL QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE!” I say.  No, just kidding. I didn’t say that, sure wanted to but I was nice. So again and again church-y comment after church-y comment while on and off the field….Blahhhhh. So frustrating.

I extended grace to her on the outside and was polite, but on the inside I was a little ticked because I felt like I had to live up to what her idea of a pastor’s wife should be like. I mean, I just deleted the Bible ap on my iphone because I never use it, and I don’t like the christian radio station, its pretty cheesy. I am glad that she likes to hear my husband speak in big church, I like him too.  Is it bad to hope that she doesn’t come back to my fun place of anonymity? Maybe I am judging her in thinking that she can’t see me for anything else than PASTOR Jeff’s wife who reads the Bible all day singing Christian songs while strumming a guitar and baking cookies for the youth group.

I just like feeling normal at soccer, and for some reason her churchy-ness took that away from me tonight.

This isn’t profound by any means, but I know some of you follow this site through Twitter and a few months ago my account was hacked. Its fixed now, and along with it I personally figured out how to twitter. I am soo lame! So if you want to follow me on twitter, you can themaguires. (if you want, no pressure)

Amanda

Anyone have a husband in Youth Ministry and you don’t wanna be?

And by that I  mean that you don’t want to serve and be a part of the Youth Ministry, really at all. Maybe because of kids, or a job, or serving in a different ministry, or simply because you just don’t want to. I feel like I am hearing more and more stories of wives serving right along side their husbands, but don’t want to. And as a wife still want to support and love that this is what their husbands are called to do. It has to be hard to know what to do with those feelings. I would love to give some encouragement to those women.

Being married to a Youth Pastor, or anyone in the church for that matter is truly a unique calling. When a wife is married to a Doctor no one expects her to scrub up next to him and help preform surgery, or a lawyer…you’re not expected to show up and defend a client. This “job” our husbands have comes with many hidden expectations of us as the wife.

I would love to hear your story, your voice about how youth ministry works for you and your spouse.

Our church had an amazing conference this past weekend and we called it “Lumen”. I am so proud of the church that I serve to have embraced and challenged its people to dialogue about controversial issues and how we, as loving followers of Christ, should always wrestle with these things and respond. Some of the topics included human trafficking, and nuclear weapons, to homosexuality. It was unbelievable, my mind has not thought so long and hard about such things in quite awhile. Most would be quite surprised at what the scholars had to say. I have to tell you that I am changed forever in the way that I think about and process information through my “Christian filter”.
One thing that I have really held onto was a story Andrew Marin told about Billy Graham. Mr. Graham was at one of the rallies for President Bill Clinton right after “the scandal” had happened. Press approach Billy Graham and asked why in the world he of all people would be at a rally for President Clinton after all he had done. His answer was so simple, “Well, it’s the Holy Spirits place to convict others, God’s place to judge, and God has asked me to love, so I guess that’s what I’m doing here, loving Bill Clinton.”
There is a lot of freedom in that kind of love. A simple love that has no conviction or judgement. A love that allows me to love people just because they are people, regardless of their beliefs, sexual orientation, political views…. just love the person. (I knew that Billy Graham was a smart guy).
I don’t know how that translates into “your world” or ministry. But it was something really great for me to re-think the way I was “loving” people.

Just wanted to share what I’ve been thinking about.

I went to a High School weekend service the other day. I had such a flood of mixed emotions that I didn’t expect. I was really excited to be there with no kids, I was also terrified to be there because I don’t have many relationships with students right now, I don’t know very many volunteers either. I saw so many things I wanted to change and be a part of the change. I wanted to jump right in where I left off 6 years ago, and I know I can’t. When I stepped back to have my own family I really thought by now I would be back in full-force. I can’t imagine leading a small group of girls right now. Just the time alone, and then there are hormones and relationships (boys and girls), and the talking and the talking and the talking! When I was sitting there, just watching it all flash before me I realized….. I’m not ready!

And I couldn’t help but panic a little bit thinking I have been out of the game for so long I am so out of touch! And will I EVER be back in the game?? Do I want to be?? What does that mean for me in ministry??  I know that’s a lot to freak out about and I don’t need to solve it it one day, but it’s just different than what I had imagined for myself and my family in youth ministry.

I know my ministry right now is serving my family and my husband in many other different ways and I am happy to do it. But I can’t help but feel like I’m stuck in a holding pattern waiting for what use-to-be to start up again. Maybe what I am realizing is that what use-to-be isn’t going to happen, but something new is going to happen.

I don’t know… but I do know I can’t be alone in this “holding pattern”. Anyone feel stuck in a “holding pattern”? In ministry? In life?

When Jeff leaves for camp or a conference and I stay home with three kids, and glad to be able to do it really. But I can’t help but feel a little jealous that he’s going to sleep through the night, not have to change a diaper, or deal with nap times, tantrums and bottles for a few days.
(Not to mention the weeks where the stomach flu has visited, or lice, or concussions, stitches, and a few hospital visits while he is gone).
When he comes home tired he has to fake it. No way do I want to welcome him home with a nap or a special rest time. “Back to the real world Buddy!”

Although I know that we all benefit when I do welcome him home to rest and relax . Because then, after his rest I get to rest (for a bit). Now, I realize his job isn’t the equivalent to taking a mini vacation. Trust me, I understand and have been to camp with High School students (and that’s why I don’t go anymore). It’s stressful and those crazies don’t like to fall asleep til 3am! He works hard and I work hard as well when he is away. It is a shame that there is no rest for the camper, me or him. We work hard to come home to work hard. And even the rare occasions when I say, “Take a load off, go take a 5 hour nap and be alone for awhile.” The kids seem to never let that happen! “Daddy play with me!” “Daddy watch me!” “Daddy look what I learned.” “Daddy, look what Mommy let me do, that you said no to…”  Life doesn’t stop when your worn out. No rest for the camper……Oh someday. I’m looking forward to that “someday” nap.

Quiet time is really hard. It’s hard to find and hard for me to sit still. I actually hate it. And I hate the phrase “quiet time”, when referring to time with God.
I am learning that my strong distaste to “quiet time” comes straight from fear. What is God going to say? What am I going to have to do? What do I have to hear? What am I going to feel? What am I going to do with those feelings? Am I actually going to do what I think He says, or just feel guilty about not doing it?… I’d rather not have to deal with any of that, right?
Does god want my “quiet time”? Or a peaceful moment? Is there a difference? In this time of desiring to hear God’s voice I need to find a peaceful moment (I think). Because lately, if I’m not avoiding quiet time, I fall asleep when its quiet.

It’s here again! The Group Conference is the end of February and I need to start preparing. I love all your feedback and ideas about issues and topics that need to be discussed in the Married to a Youth Pastor Break Out.
For those of you that went last year its going to be a bit different. Instead of an all day affair with Cathy Fields and I, it is going to be broken up by topic, so you can go to the part that hits a nerve with you (or all of it if you want).
So now this is where I’d love to hear from you.

If you were going to go to a “Break-Out” session what would you want to hear/talk about?

I would also love to see you there!

My picture perfect family going to church each Sunday together, my kids coloring Jesus pictures, singing songs, and telling of the wonderful Bible story they learned as they apply it daily in their little lives…its not happening friends! For one, my husband and I can never go to church together (that’s a lie, we go twice a year together). And second, all three of my kids are in a phase of hating church. What do you do? It is so exhausting to spend 2 hours getting ready and out the door and spend another 40 minutes or so checking them all into their appropriate classes each one screaming or whimpering not to go, to then make it into the worship center to be paged out of church to go pick them all up again before hearing one word of the message. This has been my life for the past 2 years. Maybe some of you can relate?? (I do realize not all of you have kids).

So, as I said before for many reasons including this one, I stopped going to church. But now I am desperate to go to church and hear God’s Word. My amazing solution: get a babysitter! I tell you, it has been incredible. My lifesavor, Kayla comes to my house Saturday nights at 4pm, I head out the door alone, go to church, get myself a cup of coffee and sit to worship and hear my pastor’s entire message. Then a few times I have been so lucky to have my husband meet me after the service when he is done teaching and we have dinner together. Last Saturday this happened and I was so excited I cried at dinner! Church AND a date night all in one…it’s a Christmas miracle!

I know this is not the typical “church family” scenario one would hope for. I really do want my kids to go to church and love it. One thing about being a pastor’s kid, they are always at church. I think its okay to not like it. But I don’t want them to hate it. They have a lifetime of “church” ahead of them, I’m pretty sure they will be alright. So for this season in life,  I go to church, it’s great! I love church again. And I do come home talking about what I learned in church and apply it to my daily life with my kids.

I’m just so curious about other moms out there with kids who might be in this same spot. What do you do or what have you done? I just never dreamed that the actual task of getting to and going to church would be close to impossible. I know it won’t always be like this, but I’m sure it will be something else when they get older.