Amanda MaguireMore PostsA Contest to get stuff!!Okay, listen to this…
Simply Youth Ministry wants to sponsor a contest just for us:
“What Do You Do To Encourage Your Spouse”
Tell me your favorite thing to do that encourages your spouse.
Comment before May 11th, and the top three will receive a $20.00 gift card to Target.
Sweet… Get thinking ladies, good luck!
Amanda
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May 1, 2008
I’m Amanda Maguire and I have been “Married to a Youth Pastor” for almost 12 years now. We have 3 kids, Dylan (8) and Molly (6) and Scotty (3). I worked in full-time youth ministry for 4 years, got married and got a “real job”, allowing me to continue to be a volunteer in youth ministry for another 4 years. We started having kids and now I’m just married to the Youth Pastor. I have great friends and a fun life! I have a passion and a calling for wives just like me, married to a Youth Pastor.
I love to write.
I love to do creative activities.
I love to run.
I love to shop.
I love to dine out.
And I would love time to do any of these things more.
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I try to do several things to encourage my husband. I support him with the crazy ideas he has, even when I know it won’t work
I help counseling the girls and organizing events for them, I work on the data base, I make our house work so he doesn’t have to worry about that… but I think the main thing I do that encourage my husband is when I stay awake, late at night, telling him that what he does matter even that we can’t see the fruit right at the moment.
Encouraging my husband isn’t the easiest task I take on daily, but usually it works out. I encourage him by steping up when no one else will, making sure he doesn’t say anything dumb or off the wall (which doesn’t always work), and trying to keep up with all that is going on. He is a great youth minister and even though we have only been at this for a few short months we had adapted well and seem to be doing a pretty good job. I give him my everthing, even when the chips are down.
My husband is actually the spouse of the youth worker…which means he probably needs even more encouragement! As you can imagine my husband’s time and “our” time is sacrificed a lot due to busy schedules, late night small groups, and events. I try so hard to make sure that I know the things that make my husband happy, like football, and look for reasons and different ways for him to enjoy what he loves. That could be sitting next to him while he watches the game or making sure he sees atleast one game live a season.
I try to encourage my hubby daily and fail miserably at it especially when I start in on how tough my day has been when he gets home. But I know that when things are really getting to him (know-it-all parents, teens that compare the old youth pastor’s way of doing things to my hubby’s, the Senior pastor asking him not to use the rest of his expense account because things are tight [ahem, that comes out of our salary, people!!!], a secretary’s disrespectful tone, etc…) I know that I need to release Stevan from what I ‘want/need’ from him at that moment and practically push him into his workshop (glorified parsonage garage with a sweet lathe thanks to his grandpa). It’s therapy for him to make something with his hands. Plus, I also need to take the time to praise him for whatever he made, too. He doesn’t think I see it, but he is so excited when I get excited about what he just made out of an old scrap. He practically bounds in from the garage and all the stress has melted away from his face. At that moment, I get a glimpse of the part of my husband who is refreshed and ready to take on the crappy stuff again.
You know, I think we take it for granted that our husbands know that we appreciate what they do at the church, with the teens, as a father, as a husband…but just like a little boy, my husband needs to hear me say, “Good Job, Babe! Wow! You did that all by yourself without a pattern, or anything?” My praise means more to him than anyone else’s–even his mother’s! I also think that when the praise is about something not at church, it makes him feel more successful as a man, too!
Sorry that was so long–my hubby is outside in the workshop right now if that tells you what kind of week/month it’s been!
For my birthday last year, my husband got me an “Encouragement Book.” We write letters of encouragement to one another when we know that the other is having a rough day/week/month…. It is so nice to come home at night when I have had a tough day and find the encouragement book laying there on my nightstand waiting for me to read. Anytime I notice that Shelby needs some encouragement, I write him a little note telling him what a good job he is doing and how amazing I think he is.
When I attended camp as a little girl, my mom would always pack little gifts & notes for me to open, one for each day I’d be gone. It was awesome!
Now, when my husband goes on a retreat or conference, I pack little gifts & notes for him to open each day. Mostly candy (which is does NOT have to share) and notes telling him how AWESOME he is (I never have to exaggerate – he is just so great). Sometimes, I write out a scripture, just in case he needs it that day.
This is a very practical way to show support. I know it can be harder to show encouragement on a day-to-day basis.
I try to remember to pray for him daily. I also try to ask him how his day went every day and be there to listen especially when it might have been a bad day. I also try to ask once a day if there is anything I can do for him that would make his day a little better.
I try to show my support to my husband, by not complaining about how much he works and encourage him by showing interest in what he is doing.
To encourage my husband we have sex and I initiate it…he would say that’s the #1 encourager for him.
I bring my husband a yummy coffee… in the middle of the day… for no reason at all. And that combined with seeing his 1 year old little girl for a few moments brightens his day.
The weekly things I do to encourage my husband is tell him on Sunday and Wednesday what a great job he did before he ask me how I felt like it went. I also make sure that I encourage him as a man and not just as a student pastor by telling him what a great husband or father he is. The one thing that I have done to intentionally encourage him in ministry is when he was ordained I compiled a book of letters for him. I asked his former student pastors, pastors, his parents, friends, college professors, the president of university (was a Christian school…Union University) he graduated from, past church members where we had served, current church members, current staff, and students to write a letter to him with advice/encouragement for the road ahead. It has been a tangible thing he can pick up and read when the going gets tough or just as a reminder that he is not alone. The book is 4 years old now and sits right behind his desk at work.
The biggest thing I think I can do to encourage my husband is just unconditionally loving him and supporting him in everything. By understanding the demands of his job, and not getting upset when he has to choose to spend free time/weekends/evenings with students. I know I don’t do it enough, but I want to always tell him how much I love him, respect him, and remind him of the eternal impact he is making on these students lives.
Being married five years (this May!) to a youth pastor has taught me that even the strongest, most confident men (like my incredible husband) truly need their wife’s encouragement. I’m learning how to better give it to him, based on what encourages HIM most (not in MY love language!). Below are my favorites, the last item being my absolute favorite:
1) Prayer. And I ask him at the beginning of each week what I can specifically be praying for him about. Opens up AMAZING dialogue between us. He seems so encouraged to know I’m lifting up what’s important to him!
2) Praise & Affirmation. I try to do this regularly – verbally and through notes & emails – to praise him for specific things I’ve noticed and appreciated that week about his leadership, character, and personal ministry. In addition, when we pray at night together, I verbally praise God for some of those things about my husband.
3) Tangible Support. I ask my husband regularly, “What can I do this week that will really help you with your schedule? What can I NOT do that would help you have an easier week (am I nagging too much, do I need to give you Tuesday night alone to study, etc.)?”
4) Affection. My husband often just needs me to put down what I’m doing (it can wait, no matter how urgent I think it is!) and just be with him – big hugs, giving him backrubs while he’s watching baseball on TV, etc.
5) Faithbooking. Like scrapbooking but documenting what God is doing in your life. Whenever God does something noteworthy in my husband’s life and ministry, I type it up and am putting it in a scrapbook. It keeps us focused on all He’s been doing and His faithfulness and goodness. And I’m currently working on a faithbook with the theme of a “Respect Book” in which I’m recording all the things I respect about my husband as a man, a husband, and a minister. Shhh . . . don’t tell!
Blessings!
I pray for him. I love him to the best of my ability. I feed him. I make love to him. I listen a lot. I truly believe that he is an incredible man of God and that he is loving kids to the best of his ability and by God’s help even more and I tell him that (although probably not enough). I laugh with him. I cry with him. I care.
Married to a youth pastor for 14 years this May!
I listen mostly to encourage him. I write little notes here and there and leave them on his desk or in his folders that he’ll find later telling him how much I love him and how wonderful he is. I also try to do what Diana said (nice that I don’t have to type that out
). I also volunteer for the ministry as a small group leader (among all the other roles we as wives get to play) and I love it! I think that is encouraging for him too!
First of all, I love this blog!! This is a great way for all of us wives to get some support and some fresh ideas for our marriages, our families, and our ministries. Thank you for starting this!
I am the wife of a junior high Pastor for almost 5 years now and what a ride it’s been! I have made lots of mistakes but have learned lots of valuable lessons too. I LOVE being married to a youth Pastor and I happen to think mine is pretty incredible. Learning to encourage my husband has become an art. I’d say the number one thing I do is simply participate. My participation looks different year to year and sometimes day to day. But I’ve made my husband my priority and I make it very clear to him that I am on his team and however he needs me, I’m there.
I go to his events, I listen to his talks, I get to know the students, I love and thank our volunteers, I talk to parents, I smile when people recognize me, I open our home to staff and volunteers, I lead a small group, I make flyers, etc., etc. etc. I know we’ve all been there and we all feel like the invisible, unpaid secretary at times. But I’ve learned that my husband feels supported and respected when I treat “his calling” like “our calling.” I pay attention to what’s going on in his world and how he is feeling and I tailor my encouragement in a way that he appreciates. Sometimes it’s watching a big game, sometimes it’s playing wii, sometimes it’s having sex, sometimes it’s affirming him publicly, sometimes it’s just keeping my opinions inside and just listening to him. I am far from perfect at this! This is 5 years in the making and an answer formulated from past mistakes.
I work hard to keep my heart from becoming bitter or resentful because I’ve seen too many wives poison their husband’s best efforts with a hardened heart. Being married to a youth pastor isn’t always rosy, in fact it’s often far from it. But I love the life God has chosen for me and for us. It’s hard, it’s rewarding, and it’s ours. I have loved all of your precious ideas and will tuck them away for the future!
I already replied, but I just want to thank all you chicas for sharing! Wow, I have so many more ideas on how to do this thing called marriage, especially a marriage in ministry. We’ll be married for four years in June! This blog rocks, by the way!
I try to send my husband emails from time to time. Not so often that he comes to expect them. It’s more fun when they’re kind of surprises. Mostly just to tell him what a great job he’s doing and how excited I am to see where God takes his ministry. He says they are great breaks in his work day.But, the biggest (and usually hardest) way I try to encourage him is to help him see past the 1 or 2 negative comments he receives from time to time and focus on the many more positive ones he gets. He has such a tendency to take those few negative ones so hard. It breaks my heart. I know these aren’t earth shattering ideas or anything, but they’ve sure worked for us the past 4 and a half years! I love this blog, by the way. Keep it up!!
I try to be as on-site as he is, helping in whatever capacity, but there are days when I can sense he’s getting more frazzled or stressed and on those days, I don’t attend whatever activity so that I can get home first, clean and have dinner waiting for him. It’s so 1950s, I know, but I really feel like it helps him to have a place of order and comfort to come home to.
I love to be the encourager to my husband, it has kind of become my goal in life. He does absolutely an amazing job with youth. He works full time and I am a stay at home wife/mom/mommy to be again. Wednesdays he is at the church from 8 in the morning till about 9 that night so I bring him dinner or I cook him dinner at the church. Also, on Fridays I go out to the church and take care of all the stuff that he hates to do like attendance data and entering camp applications. I also just let him know all the time how amazing of a man he is (it isn’t hard because he is the most awesome man I have ever met) He gets encouraged the most by me just being there so I am, every time there is a youth event I am there by his side. Of course I am kind of cheating I feel because I LOVE YOUTH MINISTRY! Also, we take one night a week “date night” and send our 7 year old to grandmas and just talk, about anything and at the end of the week I think its the biggest encouragement for him because he knows that his ideas are welcome and that I get time to just let him know how amazed I am by him.
Top Three Things that I do to Encourage my Dear Precious Husband!!!
1. Pray and Encourage—I try to daily tell him that what he is doing matters…not just to me and the church, but also most importantly to the Lord…His work is NOT going unnoticed.
2. Make his day off Special–I try to make his day off one of the most important things on our calendar…I try to make a home a place of refuge for him…A safe place!
3. Call To the Ministy Scrapbook–I have made a scrapbook of my hubby’s call to the minsitry…everything from high school til now…I have tried to keep every letter of encouragement from his youth/parents and have placed that in the book…he will read it from time to time when he needs a lift!!
To be honest, my fiance is a youth pastor and encourages me daily. I am finishing up my last semester of schooling to get my teaching degree and his biggest encouragement is when he finds me encouraging things like this website to read. He knew that I needed advice about being a youth pastor’s wife (getting married next month) and he scowered the internet finding me podcasts and websites that can encourage me in this new transition. He is a huge blessing!
When my husband travels I hide notes in his suit case that remind him how much we love and need him.
I love texting my husband with random notes to let him know that while he is hard at work, I am thinking about him, praying for him, and love him.
Days when the kids and I are out running around we will stop by the office and drop off some of his favorite candy so he will have something sweet to snack on when days get long.
I try not to ask him how he felt the service went for a few hours so he has time to think on it and then I ask how he thought it was and tell him how great I felt it went.
None of these things really show him how great we, myself and the boys, think that he really is but they are some of the ways we try to let him know that we think about him when he is hard at work and wondering if he is making the differnce he wants to be making.
corrie
What do I do to encourage my husband, well, like many of you other youth pastor wives, you can relate that encouraging our husbands are probably not the easiest jobs we have ever been given.
) I constantly reaffirm him, and let him know that he is awesome, and that he is doing a great job. I fast and pray for God to use him, and to annoint him. I pray with him and for him. I stand behind his decisions, even when I have to wonder “what are you thinking???” God gave me this man to build up, and He put us in this ministry together as a team, so we work long hours side by side. I do alot of his scheduling, and put together lots of other ideas and plans. We love to joke with our Senior Pastor about my husband being the “Youth Custodian”, not the Youth Pastor. I also am there, for my husband outside of church, he means everything to me, and being in the ministry you spend lots of long hours, and even have to do lots of things that you would not ordinarily choose to do, so I try to help him relax and prepare himself for the next time up to bat! I try everyday to SHOW him I love him, sometimes words are not enough!!!
I not only encourage my husband (who has been a youth minister now for over 15 years)through prayer, words of encouragement and all that other jazz but my favorite way to encourage him is to give him the unexpected. Like coming home and there being a note on the door saying “enter at own risk” with a bottle of Silly String and when he enters me, our three boys and our two adopted daughters drown him in Silly String! It is so much fun and really a great stress release! It makes coming home fun because he never knows what he is going to get!
One of the things that I do to encourage my husband could be considered something selfish, but it really isn’t I promise! I try my best to take care of me! Our last year has been a busy and difficult one, but after reflecting back on our journey a few months ago, I was able to more clearly see that when I don’t take care of myself (spiritually, physically, emotionally), I cannot be that support that my husband needs and desires. This is a huge learning process for me, one that I know I will continuously fight…
Like many of you have shared, sometimes our “church life” can be very difficult and can cause some feelings of bitterness. I know that when I am taking care of myself, being really honest and transparent with God and with my husband, those feelings of bitterness do not win. And consequently, my husband and I can be in a better place relationally.
Another way that I try to support my husband is to TRY to get rid of my unrealistic expectations of him and of church. Before we were married and I was the “pastor’s wife”, I had all of these mental expectations about the ideal church and youth group and youth (you know, the ones that are always involved and real and well-behaved and never use their cell phones to youth group!). And no matter where we are, our experience will never look like those expectations. But, when I get over myself and my unrealistic expectations, I can better focus on our experience (both as a couple and in ministry) and LEARN!
Finally, we are learning the importance of laughter. We LOVE to laugh together. Life in ministry can be complicated and hard and not make sense sometimes, and sometimes, we just have to choose to laugh or cry. Sometimes we choose the tears, but laughter can be brilliantly therapeutic!
My favorite thing I do to encourage my spouse ~ we have been together for 32 years…..32 years of ministering to youth….I would say this may not be my favorite thing I do, but I am hopeful it encourages him more than anything. There have been times the Lord has shown me things that he should be doing or he shouldn’t give up on ~ like when he was in seminary and it took a lot to continue or when he needed time away and he went to Colorado ~ I sacrifice whatever it takes for him. It has taken me years to truly understand that I need to be set aside for him to do the work he does for the Kingdom of our Saviour. I don’t always do it well or kindly or out of the goodness of my heart ~ but I try.
I know that it is past May 11th but I’m going to write in cause I think that this is important rewarded or not! I have thoroughly enjoyed reading everyones ideas and I have gained more ideas for my library of encouragement go to plans. I have been married to my husband for as long as he has been a youth pastor (which is a whopping two year). Since I’m still considered a newly wed I really needed to build up my library of encouragement! What I do is I pick up on what he does to reenergize and see how I can make sure he does that more often and become involved with him. He is very musically oriented and loves to jam out so we jam out together and that makes him happy. I help him jam out at church by helping out at practice and go to youth group concerts with him (I really like family force five performances and Hawk Nelson…I never thought I’d like concerts really, but they’re warming up to my liking). I also try to cook his favorite things (usually unhealthy, but I might find new and healthy things he likes someday while I try stuff out). I am his emergency back up when he has nobody else to go to. Sometimes all I have to do is watch his shows or watch him play a video game and if I’m not playing the game with him I act as a cheerleader telling him to watch out or good move or something like that.
I really liked it when someone wrote that they gave themselves a boost so they can give their husband a boost, and I find I do that too. We read a couples devotional that talked about emotional bank accounts and making deposits into each others but filling up your own so you don’t go negative. I’m currently reading the Bible all the way through so I tell Him the things I like from my reading to share those good times and some of them have helped with ideas for youth group. Helping with his prep time and previewing his messages mean a lot to him, but not more than being a resource to him or depositing good things in his emotional bank account. I was lucky that my dad was a pastor so I can be a resource for him and know somewhat what to expect. Sorry this was soooo long, but I really think that this is important to share ideas and be a support for all ministries.
Haha ^^ nice, is there a section to follow the RSS feed