My son, who is 4, is learning about “private time”. Private time can be time spent alone, or with another person, but just you, no tag-alongs. He is discovering the power of this time and the necessity of it as well. I don’t know if it is because he can sense the baby’s due date is nearing, or our time is getting busier, probably both. But everyday Dylan asks for some private time with just me or just dad. He needs some time to be near us, just him. Molly is not allowed and this time is respected. Once he just wanted to sit together on the couch, no talking, just sitting and snuggling. Once he wanted to sit on the couch alone. The other day he wanted to have a “serious” conversation, which consisted of him making absolutely no sense at all using big nonsense words and an adult sounding tone of voice. Today he wanted his dad to play legos with him while he sat on his lap.
Private time usually doesn’t last long, about 5-10 minutes, is all his little attention span can handle. But I realized that during this special noted time Dylan is recharged and I feel connected to him as well.
Don’t we all need “private time”? It really is such a simple time, time alone for you, time alone with just your kid, time alone with just your husband, time alone with God.
It’s just so simple. Why do I always avoid it? (“I don’t have the time”, “my schedule just doesn’t allow it”) Why do I try to make it harder than it is? (“I don’t have a babysitter”, “there’s nothing to do”, “it takes too long”) In this moment it seems crazy to make excuses for something so simple and so necessary.
The wisdom of a 4 year old.
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I’m Amanda Maguire and I have been “Married to a Youth Pastor” for almost 12 years now. We have 3 kids, Dylan (8) and Molly (6) and Scotty (3). I worked in full-time youth ministry for 4 years, got married and got a “real job”, allowing me to continue to be a volunteer in youth ministry for another 4 years. We started having kids and now I’m just married to the Youth Pastor. I have great friends and a fun life! I have a passion and a calling for wives just like me, married to a Youth Pastor.
I love to write.
I love to do creative activities.
I love to run.
I love to shop.
I love to dine out.
And I would love time to do any of these things more.
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God’s been revealing to me, that for His sake, in the lives of His children (he’s loaned to me) that I must strive to be an unhurried mom. It’s a daily decision and turning over to Him that this ever comes about…for His glory.
My 5 year old daughter yesterday told me that I didn’t love her–and reflecting on the day, I didn’t take that short time, until that point, to connect with her. I love the honesty of my kids, to truly humble me when I think I’ve got it all under control. Which really means that I am not walking with Jesus as my guide. I am trying to be the guide.
I so agree. It is so hard to let go of doing, doing, doing and just be in the moment with my son. I love the time we spend together when the house work waits and we play. Those end up being some of the greatest bonding times. Thanks again for this blog!
This really strikes a cord with me. Lately my 9 year old son has been exhibiting jealousy towards some of the teens in our youth group, especially when they come over to our house. It wasn’t until a week ago that I really understood why. Through the first 6 years of my son’s life, I was pretty much a single mom with one child. Him. We bonded over everything, had a bedtime story ritual, etc. Then I got married to my youth pastor husband and had a baby girl (which my son is still upset about, he sooo wants a brother!). So, not only do we have teens gobbling up our time, but also a 3 year old that demands my time as well. Since we don’t have our story time as just me and him anymore, he is constantly asking for time to play board games and card games together and many nights, I just don’t “have” the time. It’s been a week since laundry has been done, a month since the floor has been mopped, plus I work full-time during the day. I often feel overwhelmed with responsibility and sleep deprived and just don’t have the energy to make “Private Time” for anyone. Lunch break seems to be the only time I have for God and the only time I won’t fall asleep during prayer. No wonder my son is feeling lost in the mix! And my 3 year old is constantly wanting to be held. Just over the past few weeks I realized that chores in the house just can’t be a priority to me. My house is not “picture perfect” and cluttered, but I am slowly come to grips with the fact that the appearance of my house is not what matters, but how it is lived in is. As my kids get older, more chores are delegated and I slowly gain time for them once again…..at least…..that is my hope. Until then, I just pray that God will keep my priorities and check and allow me to enjoy the few years I have left with my children while they are young. I do not want to become the victim of “Cats In the Cradle” syndrom.
Thanks for sharing….
Wow… I saw this blog and honestly… this is my greatest fear.
My husband and I both do the youth ministry and we have our first child on the way in December, but it is so hard for us to find time that is just him and me, I worry about putting a child in the mix too!
I am just starting a “real” job this year (can’t afford a family on a youth pastor’s salary) and that plus ministry, plus a new child… to be honest I’m more worried about my husband.
Does anyone have any advice, encouragment, suggestions? I’m just a bit overwhelmed right now about my duties as a wife.
Feeling overwhelmed is definetly normal and understandable. Having a baby plus going back to work along with your same responsibilities is ALOT! We had to make a decision on how we were going to juggle all of these things when our first child came along. My husband and I talked about the finances, our home, how we wanted our family to function, and lastly the youth ministry. It took us awhile to get adjusted, we both took on new responsibilities. Mainly adjusted our lifestyle (didn’t go out to eat as much, don’t get to workout as much as we’d like, etc) Giving fully of yourself to your child will be the most rewarding thing you have ever experienced. We don’t have any family around to help with our children but if you do..totally ask for help. Then remember where you fall short God’s grace is always there to cover you. It is so much fun having all these different “hats” to wear but it is really hard but I have learned that no matter what my family is the single most important thing and I am accountable for how I raise my children. Everytime when it looks like we are going to be short on finances, God always blesses us with a way to make it and have more!Ps.31:15 says My times are in your hands! Let God take control of your schedule and he will help you get things done…and still have his peace
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