Have a baby!
Don’t get too excited I am still pregnant, inching toward the finish line, but still with child. But while Jeff was away last week at his second to the last week long trip of the summer I went into pre-term labor. Everything turned out fine, but during the craziness I couldn’t get a hold of him and being in Utah, he wouldn’t have made it home in time anyway. SO…needless to say he will NOT be going to the last camp of the summer (which takes place 2 weeks before my official due date).
I feel a little bad being the reason he can’t go, but not too bad. I am pretty huge, grumpy and hot all the time. I’d like to trade that for a week at camp.
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I’m Amanda Maguire and I have been “Married to a Youth Pastor” for almost 12 years now. We have 3 kids, Dylan (8) and Molly (6) and Scotty (3). I worked in full-time youth ministry for 4 years, got married and got a “real job”, allowing me to continue to be a volunteer in youth ministry for another 4 years. We started having kids and now I’m just married to the Youth Pastor. I have great friends and a fun life! I have a passion and a calling for wives just like me, married to a Youth Pastor.
I love to write.
I love to do creative activities.
I love to run.
I love to shop.
I love to dine out.
And I would love time to do any of these things more.
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Amanda,
I love reading your posts! I have been married to a youth minister for four years! This summer he wasn’t able to go to youth camp because I was pregnant! Our baby boy came three weeks early and arrived the day the youth left for camp. It was a blessing as my husband was able to be with me for a week since all of the youth were at camp. There wasn’t anything for him to really do at the church. This was our first so I have learned so much about parenthood! I wish you and your family the best during this addition to your family!!
~ Benita
Amanda,
I think that Benita has a great plan here! The students will be gone for a week two weeks before your due date. Due dates are really +/- two weeks any way. Have that baby when you can have your husband home for a week! Surely you can control this
We were at a youth event when I went into labor with baby #4. After about 2 hours my contractions were 5 minutes apart. I told my husband, “unless you want this to turn into a biology lesson we must leave right now!”
Happy Baby! Enjoy this extra week with your husband. Under no circumstances are you allowed to feel guilty that he didn’t go to camp. This is the great irony of youth ministry. If you have children of your own the student’s parents have greater respect for you. However, if you have children of your own, at some point you have to care for your own children.
I agree with Ann—don’t feel guilty that he is missing camp AND even if the baby doesn’t come that week, you can’t feel bad about that either. Should this be the scenario and your hubby is wandering around the house while the teens are gone, assure him that God is giving him time to rest up for those late nights when he gets the baby up and checks the diaper and then brings him/her to you to breastfeed. (Unless your a bottle feeder and then he can do the 2 AM feeding all by himself!) This is a good thing all around!:-)
Hang in there, girlie!
Another way to keep your husband from going to camp is to do what my wife did: schedule your wedding day on that same weekend! lol Honestly, it was the only day in that entire summer that worked well for both of our families. My church almost fired me for not changing my wedding date so I could still go to camp, but I told them I’d resign before that happened. End of story.
Amanda,
Please don’t let guilt creep in… First, guilt and shame are Satan’s favorite toys to use against us. Second, there isn’t a silly thing you can do about it. And third, consider how horrible your husband would feel if he did go and wasn’t there for you and couldn’t show the protector/provider side of God that he was made to.
My husband was away (fortunately only 1.5 hours) on a student leader retreat when I went into early labor with our second child. He raced home, having wisely planned ahead for our older child’s care, and everything worked out perfectly.
This is an incredibly important time for you to be together (it’s just the way God made it.) And we’ve found that our youth really appreciate and respect when we put our family and its needs first. Granted they don’t always see that right away, but hang in there – it’s an incredible learning and growing opportunity for them as well as for your “growing” family.
Huge congrats!
-Kristine
I was 8 months pregnant with my son a few summers ago, and my husband went to a river rafting youth camp about 8 hours away. I was so nervous about what would happen if I went into labor while he was gone, but fortunately it didn’t. I did however, end up having the baby on a youth group night, and Marc completely forgot about youth group all together. The other leaders figured out what happened, but it was funny nonetheless.
okay– so I know you don’t need to hear another “story” but it sure helps to share. I’m not pregnant but this is what happened to us–
two weeks ago while my husband was away my 3 year old stuck something up his nose. I couldn’t get it out, our 4 hour doctors visit couldn’t get it out, so we scheduled him for surgery to get it out. My husband new nothing of the days events until after we left the offices because his phone was off. He came home for the surgery that occurred the next day @ 6:30 am. Well after my little boy woke up and was stable my husband went back to camp. About six hours later my one year old little girl dislocated her elbow. I fielded that one by myself. Despite that fact that I was totally embarrassed that both my children should have been in the hospital within 24 hours I called our pediatrician again and he graciously reset it instead of sending us to the ER. It always happens when the men are gone.
I’m glad Jeff is staying home! You guys have a great week together.
this story made me smile. My husband and I actually got married this past June and we had scheduled our wedding SO early so that the church had enough notice to plan camp around it… and they ended schedule camp THE week of our wedding (and my husband is the jr high pastor and it was jr high camp… go figure!) So crazy or not, we went to junior high camp on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and I told him we needed to leave on Tuesday to head back into town. ha we got married on Friday… needless to say it was a very interesting.
You are are lucky to have your husband home and I pray you enjoy this time together!
My husband and I joke that this’ll happen with us ’cause our wedding date interfered with the biggest sacred cow our past church had. A fun filled week long camp for senior high. The church even asked him to move the date! Ummm no. We didn’t set the date at that time intentionally, it was the only weekend that worked, or wait a year and we wouldn’t be at the church we’re at now if we waited.
As my former pastor’s wife would often say, “The Indians attack when the husband is away!” Best wishes!
I totally understand and almost had my daughter at our Youth Service 2 years ago b/c we had a big night planned and my husband “had to” preach. I was in hard labor in the altar call room while he was preaching, quite funny now but not then. I was at a 7 when we finally arrived and had the shortest labor ever! Good Luck with your delivery!!
I have nightmares about going into labor when my husband is at a church event that will require him to speak. I always joke, okay, half-threaten, that if he refuses to come off the stage or if someone gives him a hard time, that I’m walking (driving, wheeling, hitchhiking, whatever) my contracting self to the hospital!
On a related note, we spend so much time at the church that when we were first meeting with our doctor and getting hospital details squared away, we picked the one that happens to be right around the corner from our offices! We’re here THAT much. *sigh*
I think it is quite sad and frankly dishonoring to our husbands who put in so much time and energy for the Kingdom of God to be talking about ways for husbands to miss out on camps. I am appalled that this kind of conversation would take place on a forum that should be here to encourage one another as well as help each other to encourage our husbands. We have a unique position as Pastor’s Wives to make an impact in students lives alongside our husbands and instead there is gloating at the fact that they miss out on camps. I just hope that future pastors wives don’t stumble across this site because they would probably begin to dread marrying a Pastor when in reality it is a great gift, while challenging at times I thank God for the trust He has put in me to handle this position. I take it as an honor.
I’m really sorry you got the impression that those writing comments on the Married-to-a-Youth-Pastor-blog aren’t supportive. In my experience, most ministry spouses have very few places to talk honestly about their lives and their unique and special role. The spouses I’ve met at conferences, in conversations, and through email are generally working out the best possible way to support their husbands. I’m really sorry you got the feeling from some of the humorous responses that the spouses were unsupportive. Feel free to read some of the other posts and responses to get a clearer picture of just how supportive these spouses really are.
My wife read me Heather’s response to some of the comments on this thread and, as a youth pastor, I have to say that yes, while my work and my calling is to work with students, I am a husband and father first. As ministers, our hours are long and our weekends are not our own. Being a minister’s wife requires sacrifice and selfless-ness on levels that most people couldn’t even begin to understand. I more than appreciate the grace and patience with which my wife handles our life and the support she offers to me in my work. To expect her to not be frustrated when I have to work late (again), work on my day off (again), or have to be gone at camp for the fifth weekend in one summer while she handles our home life and kids would be dishonoring to her. I didn’t marry her because I thought of her as the perfect model pastor’s wife. I married her because I love her. Like I said, yes, I am a youth pastor, but I am always a husband and father first and believe that just as I have been called to work with students that I also have a responsibility to make sure that my family’s wellbeing and emotional health are top priorities as well. This forum’s got a good thing going and I deeply appreciate that it connects my wife to other women who can relate to her real life situations (even the less than appealing frustrations) as only
other youth minister’s wives can.
To “A husband’s response”, thank you.