I Need Your Help!
By Amanda on Nov 12, 2008 in Featured
Ladies,
You guys all know about the National Youth Workers Conference coming up at the end of February. I’m starting to put some stuff together, trying to gather my 2 thoughts. And I thought, Who better to ask than YOU!
- What would you be looking for if you were to attend the Married to a Youth Pastor track?
- What do you want to know?
- What do you want to discuss?
- Topics that hit home for you?
Just throw it out there ladies. This conference is for you too. I hope you all can come!
Thanks for you help.
Love,
Amanda
I am SO excited about going to this!!! I think for me how to balance being a volunteer in your husband’s ministry and being married to him. Because he talks so openly to me about his ministry, sometimes I give him advice when I really shouldn’t, ya know. How to be a good volunteer and a help mate as well.
I think just because of all the sad stories I’m sure we all hear in ministry circles about marriages falling apart in ministry, something about how to protect your marriage in ministry. Like don’t ever ever be alone with the opposite sex, even the other pastors at our church don’t follow this and it drives me crazy. Leave no opportunity for evil, have porn software on your computer, try not to counsel the opposite sex and if you do have guidelines, etc. Something I’ve seen come up a lot here is wives feeling guilty for wanting to spend time with their husbands, I think that should be addressed.
Maybe something about the role of a pastor’s wife in the church, the funny annoyances, things to watch out for, how to stay real while still staying a positive example.
Maybe your hubby could poll other youth pastors on what the best thing there wives could do for them in ministry, what they admire the most about their wives as it is specific to the ministry. Getting the guys voice in there could be very eye opening, and very encouraging.
Something about how to stay focused on God in a very busy life. How not to replace your walk with God with your ministry, cus they are not the same and I loss sight of this so much.
Fun and cheap date night ideas, we as ypw NEED those. Some ideas are start a babysitting co-op. We do this with 2 other couples, each month one couple hosts all the kids for 2 hours while the other 2 couples go out on a date. Something ridiculously fun we just got into is geocaching. The kids love it and it’s free (if you already have a gps or iphone) What about bowling, it’s still fun after all these years.
wow that was a lot! Hopefully something was usefully, again I can’t wait, we are SO SO SO excited to go to this and I looking forward to meeting you in person.
Ashley Christian | Nov 12, 2008 | Reply
My husband and I recently moved to TX from CA in Feb. God was so clear in his calling of my husband to work with the youth here. And since we are married, He has called me too. However, the thing I have struggled with the most in the last 9 months is: What is God’s specific plan for me in all of this? If I were able to attend NYWC with my husband, that is the thing I would most like to hear about … God’s calling in my/ other youth ministers’ spouses’ lives. Thanks.
Christi | Nov 12, 2008 | Reply
youth pastor wives ministry expectations, especially when they don’t have kids of their own.
i’ll have to think about that some more. but i almost think the yp need to have a session on how to set boundaries and how to treasure his own family in the midst of ministry and what expectations to put on his own wife.
Wives can hear all this and it just speaks to their heart and they come out screaming, “That’s what I want”, but until YP hear it themselves, a couple thousand times, it won’t change! So wouldn’t it be cool to come up with a bunch of questions to ask YP and YPW and then publish them along with answers, anonymously… The questions can be focused on anything like how to support one another in ministry, frustrations, great ideas for dates, just fun stuff, and even craziest experiences so that all the Youth staff know that they are not alone - does that make sense? Sometimes when I hear other people’s experiences, I’m like, Oh good, so we’re not the only crazy people out there who have left a kid in Minneapolis on a mission trip!
Anyway, since there are so many non audible learners in youth ministry, for example, how ADD seems to run rampant - this would be a great resource. Someone could go over it, while they (YP and YPW) look at it and then they could take it home to refer to it. Seems like it would be a great way to start communication between spouses as well.
Sarah | Nov 13, 2008 | Reply
maybe discussing how to overcome the balance in ministry of your marriage, your ministry, your family? How do you keep from getting so caught up in the ministry that you lose focus of your family and personal life? (haha I am a baby at being a youth pastor’s wife but I already see the challenge of balance in being a youth pastor’s wife
Amber | Nov 13, 2008 | Reply
Also, how about addressing what to do once you have a child? How do you step back and how do you protect your child so that they don’t hate coming to church. I know there are some in our past ministry that felt I needed to just ‘dump’ my daughter on someone else so I could be more involved in youth stuff (we didn’t live near fam). My husband made it all too clear that his daughter was more important than the ‘daughters’ in the youth group and that she takes priority. Yeah, he made some people mad, but they respected it after that. Also, how to cope with feeling ‘alone’ when you can’t be as involved because you have kids. They’re only little and needy like this now, but it’s easy to lose sight of how much time we really aren’t losing in the long run by not being apart of every ministry in the church while they’re tiny.
Oh, and I love the suggestions on protecting the marriage–especially the not being alone with the opposite sex comment. My husband stands by this–he doesn’t even counsel a girl without me or another female youth sponsor because he refuses to be put in a situation or put that girl in a situation (won’t counsel a female adult alone in his office without his door being open and the secretary being aware of the meeting, either, for that matter). The same goes for me-even if one of the guys shows up at the door and Stevan isn’t there, they know they can’t come in. They just have to go find him at the church. Some have tried to push it, but once they see that I’m not going to welcome them in, they turn around and head for the church!;-) Awkward, yes, but it saves a lot of heartache in the end. My husband also won’t take a girl or girls home alone without me or another youth sponsor in the car with him. I take the girls home instead, or they have to wait for their parents to pick them up. The same goes for me with the guys–even the pastor’s kids! Also, the porn-software is invaluable–it’s an easy accountability for you and your husband–I get a weekly report of everything my hubby surfs and if it’s questionable (ahem…like when he ordered me lingerie on-line:-)–) the link shows up. For the record, he made sure to tell me that the link would appear so that I wouldn’t have to wonder. I trust my husband, but he is so conscious of other men who have fallen due to pornography that he wants to stay above reproach and this software helps him do it. I can get you the link if you want it.
Some other ideas for those wives who can be really involved: How to connect with the girls in the youth group…ideas for Girls Night Out or In, small groups, even just coffee runs or shopping dates. Since I am at the youth meetings, I am semi-involved but I can’t pull off the all-nighters or away events because of my toddler. Because of this, Facebook is a great way to keep tabs on the girls, learn their interests and give them a chance to open up to you through a message or wall comment. Last year there was a girl that only visited once, but she talked to me through facebook the rest of the year–not every week, but we’d catch up once a month. You never know what seeds you plant, even if you, yourself, don’t get to see the results. Just because your the YP’s wife doesn’t mean you have to lead a bible study either. sometimes, just being the person to talk to is a ministry in itself.
Jessica Sheets | Nov 14, 2008 | Reply
Sorry–I always write a book!
Jessica Sheets | Nov 14, 2008 | Reply
Hm. Yes, I agree that some of this needs to be shared w/ our YP hubbies vs. us spouses!
So, I guess how to balance the involvement in YM w/ my own ministry desires w/ family responsibilities & work. I don’t feel any pressures about church members’ expectations, but I know some YPWs deal with that.
How do you balance/protect home time vs. ministry time… something we’re trying to figure out is when’s the best time to talk about church stuff - our daughter’s now old enough where we need to be careful what we say around her. Ministry is more than a 9-5 and is hard to “turn off” at home. I know hubby likes bouncing things off of me, but I’ve stepped back a bit at this church and am involved in more than just YM here, so I don’t always want to hear YM stuff. There was a point that I was just overloaded and ready to talk about anything but YM. I know hubby felt like he’d lost his nm. 1 fan/volunteer
Ideas on opening up our home, help with staying “socially connected” to the leaders/volunteers within the YM as well as the youth themselves.
Looking forward to the conference!
Laura | Nov 18, 2008 | Reply
Amanda - are you speaking at a conference? So fun. You will be excellent! I’m so excited for you - wish it was the Sacramento one, so I could go cheer ya’ on. Just tell everyone to have sleepovers with their girl friends when their husbands go on youth ministry trips. Done.
Jessica | Nov 19, 2008 | Reply
I think it would be good to sort of hash out “what’s normal.” Like it’s normal to struggle with things we’ve talked about on the blog… it’s normal to feel the feelings we’ve discussed. Sometimes it calms us to know other people experience these things… After all most of us have very little local support so many of us feel alone in these thoughts and feelings…And then encourage the women. Encourage them with how God is so tender-hearted to their struggles. How He understands and wants to fill in the gaps in our lives and the lives of our children… I think more than anything they will need a place to relax, feel understood, and walk away knowing God gets them and cares.
Amanda (but not the official one) | Dec 5, 2008 | Reply