A lot of you have been experiencing transition and change with this crazy economy, not only in your households, but ministry/church jobs. It is such a confusing place to be. I know I find myself wrestling with the questions…”Isn’t this God’s calling for our family?” “How will He provide?”.
Courtney Laib had such a great post about transitions and their journey of faith in this changing world…
My husband and I have been going through a church transition for the last few months, that we never expected. Our church in Illinois (like many all over the country) is going through some tough financial times, which is resulting in a staff down-size. In order for our church to continue to be obedient to God through finances, and not go broke,? we have to down-size. My husband has been the Pastor of Student Ministries here for almost 7 years and he really loves it. To make a long story short, after much praying we decided that God was clearly telling us both that it was time for us to move on to something new. So rather than forcing the lead pastors to have to ‘fire’ people, my husband relinquished his position. After a few months of searching , my husband was hired last week by a church in Chino, CA (Inland Hills Church) to be their High School Pastor. We are super excited for this new adventure even though it will be hard to leave many friends and family members behind in Illinois. We are leaving our current church with no regrets, no hard feelings, and no broken relationships. We have total support from all of the staff and other people my husband has worked along side for the last 7 years. So… my question is this: Have any of you ever been through a transition like this? What was it like for you? Any certain things we should expect or not expect? I’d really like to hear some of your stories!
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I’m Amanda Maguire and I have been “Married to a Youth Pastor” for almost 12 years now. We have 3 kids, Dylan (8) and Molly (6) and Scotty (3). I worked in full-time youth ministry for 4 years, got married and got a “real job”, allowing me to continue to be a volunteer in youth ministry for another 4 years. We started having kids and now I’m just married to the Youth Pastor. I have great friends and a fun life! I have a passion and a calling for wives just like me, married to a Youth Pastor.
I love to write.
I love to do creative activities.
I love to run.
I love to shop.
I love to dine out.
And I would love time to do any of these things more.
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Transition. I know that word well. While we have not been at a church for that length of time, I have moved across several state borders after hubby serving almost 2 yrs. in one church. We are in our third church now and I would say that my number one tip would be to get involved slowly at your new church. At previous churches, I jumped into the children’s/nursery ministry b/c it was the first opening with a need (isn’t it always
, but I really just took my time getting involved here. I, of course, was by hubby’s side with the youth, but I didn’t take on any small groups at first. Give the Lord time to reveal where He wants to use you at the new church. In previous churches, I had always been w/ hubby in youth SS. At this church, I first joined a SS of adults my age. This allowed me to make many new friends right from the start, rather than being all-in everything youth and not meeting the rest of the congregation. I was able to learn who had children my daughter’s age.
Congratulations on this new adventure!
My advice is for both of you to take it slow… a new area means some changes even in the culture of your students… if both of you take it slowly just getting to know people… God will give you a new burden, new friends, and new direction for the new ministry He has provided for both of you… the biggest mistake is to not realize the church, the students, the people are different and therefore the needs and your role may change as well…
Transition can be super hard, but can also be great. My advice to you is to make sure you get involved in an area of the church that you are passionate about and make the effort to form new relationships as quickly as possible.
My husband is a Student Ministries pastor in Riverside, which is about 20 minutes from Chino. Inland Hills is a great church! If you ever have any questions or need anyone to vent youth pastor wife stuff to, just send me an email.
Maybe we can get together a little while after you move out here and after you get settled. My email is nicolelovato@yahoo.com. Good luck with the move out here and the transition!! 
Hi,
Wow… that is a big transition. We are in transition right now too, but not quite of that type. My husband has been a full-time youth pastor for 7 years, and last year he volunteered to get a second job and go part-time so that no one would lose their job. The church budget continued to shrink at the same time as the youth group did, and his second job at a Christian afterschool care ministry grew, so he chose to bow out of the youth pastor position at our church and allow a part-time intern to take over.
But what a big transition for you.. California is different, but you are going to love it here!!!!
I’ve transitioned through several job changes with my husband, and I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is not to expect too much of yourself or of the people you are ministering to at first. While you may feel pumped and excited now because you are feeling God’s calling and His plan, that doesn’t mean that something is wrong if you suddenly feel sad or depressed about it after you’ve moved, or that things are totally different than you expected. It just means that God’s plan for you involves even more than you realized–you growing and changing too, and Him believing that you are strong enough to withstand the changing winds. Sometimes I’ve had to learn to be thankful for the hard times, because that’s when we grow the most. When you are in the middle of change, it can be hard, and just remember to give yourself a lot of grace!
Congratulations on the new position. Change is hard but God makes it good!
We also left our last church on good terms, which is a blessing. Those friends have been supportive of us and it was nice to have them check in with us, even if it was on Facebook! With our last church it took me a long time to get “real” friends, so this time I was determined to connect more quickly. I joined the worship team right away- I find it helpful to have something that is my own, so I’m not just “the youth pastor’s wife.” Of course I’m at every youth event and hanging out with the kids, too, but I like having a place of my own where I can meet different people (and potential youth volunteers, ha). We are both passionate about adult small groups and have started one in our home. We’re excited to minister to other families in this way.
I think you have to know yourself and what you need when you go to a new place. I’m not a shrinking violet by any means, but I do take a while to get comfortable in a new place. I find that I NEED to sign up for things and make commitments at a new church so I don’t just sit at home with the half-unpacked boxes and call my mom 20 times a day (although she has been a huge blessing every time I move- love the Mom chats).
You’re going to love this: my best friend-making tool at the new church has been Facebook! When I arrived, two of the pastors’ wives were talking about a pedicure night they had recently done with some church/MOPS friends. They commented that it would be nice to do something once a month, and I encouraged them to commit to it… and invited myself to join them! We are all friends on Facebook now and plan our monthly get-togethers on there. It’s nice because we’re all so busy and I cannot imagine how long it would take to make plans by phone or on Sundays! We have only been here for six months or so, and while I still feel kind of like a newcomer, I am thrilled that I have a few groups of people who allow me to be myself and feel comfortable. It’s also nice to have a place to go where everybody has already heard your “interview answers!”
Getting to know the kids here has been a journey. We came to the Midwest from California and have mostly been pleasantly surprised by the kids. They have slightly less “attitude” (or at least NOT California attitude), listen more quickly, and will eat ANYTHING. We have to get creative if we want to gross out these Iowa middle schoolers.
I think the hardest thing is finding out their church learning history: what kinds of expectations were set up in elementary Sunday school, what did the previous youth leaders expect as far as how to answer questions, how deep do they like to think, when are they actually capable of giving you the answer and when are they just being lazy, etc. But I have enjoyed my small group of girls so far and am challenging them to go deeper in their thinking and their commitment to Jesus. THAT is really why we went through all the awkwardness of moving in the first place!
A church change is not always a rosy experience. You may get depressed or tired or angry or frustrated or sad… or crazy. But you will get closer to God, your husband, your kids, and any “old friends” who are willing to talk to you on the phone when you need it (for me it’s Mom!). May God give you a lot of peace and grace,a nd keep us posted!
So many fellow Californian’s on here! All great suggestions from everyone.
I have 2 things to add. When we moved to our current ministry I was actually depressed for about 6 months, though I didn’t recognize it at the time. I was just lonely and it took a while to make friendships and I was home with a little baby who took naps all the time too which made it hard to make adult relationships. Totally past it now, it just took time.
The second suggestion is to really commit in your own heart to be in the new ministry long term (unless of course God moves you a long.) I have seen the tendency of some people who were really hurt once in ministry to be overly cautious and almost have one foot out the door already in a new place. This is totally understandable, but being aware of it can help. Especially in youth ministry there tends to be a LOT of turnover so even people at a new ministry and be cautious just because they’ve seen so many youth pastors come and go. If you can show people you are committed long term they will be more likely to open up and feel safe with you.
Good luck to everyone one of you in transition during this tough time. Oh and p.s. I always found transitions of any type really grew us and drew us so much closer to God because we really had no other choice but to cling to him. So enjoy that heightened intimacy with God!
Times of transition are always difficult, but in the end God will take care of you and see you through it. My family and I just went through a similar transition.
In June 2007, my husband accepted a full-time YM position in North Carolina. We had been at our previous church in Kentucky for 9 years. The church was small and could not afford to pay him, so after a couple of years of being there he had decided to do the YM as a volunteer and get a full-time job elsewhere. I was, also, working as a full-time teacher at the local middle school. This church was the church that I grew up in so all of my family was in this town. My husband is actually from NC.
Our current church wanted my husband to start on August 1, 2007, so we had about four weeks from the time he accepted the offer to pack up and move. We left the church on a positive note and had trained others to fill the positions that we had filled for so long.
We purchased a house in NC and began wondering how we were going to sell our house that we had built in KY (we had only been in our house there for about 3 years). At the end of July we had movers come and load up our belongings in a moving truck and headed out for NC. We left our two boys with my parents to spend some more time with them while we worked at getting settled in to the house. Later, my parents drove the boys down.
God really took care of us during this transition. We found a wonderful house that is just around the corner from the church, I got a job teaching at the first interview I went to, and the church family has really taken care of us.
The hardest part about the transition was leaving my family behind. Thankfully my parents are retired and are able to come visit at their leisure, so they are here about every six weeks or so, unless we are going there.
My husband’s mother lives in a town about two hours away, so she can come to us if we need her to.
It was a tough transition, but a year and a half later I can say that everything has worked out great and God has really taken care of us. Just pray and get to know and enjoy your new “family”!