The flip side of the last question…
By Amanda on Apr 26, 2009 in Featured
Because we are wives of a youth pastor and we never disagree…
What if you don’t necessarily agree with the direction your husband is taking the ministry, or if you just don’t see eye to eye with ministry issues (he’s in charge of).
How can you feel this way and still have him feel supported?
i think for me it is the fact that my husband and mine’s relationship has matured to the point that I am able to go to him and tell him what i think and feel. and he is able to accept it. we usually pray together about it (as well as separately). then we move away from it for a bit. then come back and discuss. it wasn’t always like this. there were times when i would get mad about things and not be too nice to him.
i think that by being honest and giving him honest feedback or suggestions you are supporting him. letting him know that you care as much about his ministry as he does (if that is possible) and that you are praying for him in the decisions that he makes.
when he decides on the direction, even if you don’t like it or think it is right, letting him know that you are on board to help. praying for that ministry and him. and that you encourage him along the way in the endeavor.
and not saying i told you so if it flops! even though you want to.
tzigane | Apr 26, 2009 | Reply
If I disagree with my husband I will tell him what I think in a respectful way. He sometimes will disagree and then later say “oh you were right about that”. Sometimes he agrees and makes a change right away. Sometimes he just disagrees and keeps things the same. I tell him what I think but I do so knowing that he makes the final decision and its between him and the Lord.
Michelle | Apr 26, 2009 | Reply
I think you can (and I have) share your opinion and concern in a way that isn’t degrading or overly critical. I always appreciate when someone who is close to me is honest about something important. Different opinions don’t make either one of you wrong…just different.
Ultimately his decisions are betwee him and God. If I can see that he is really trying to do God’s will I can support his decision even when it may be different than mine.
We discuss things and though he does value my input in the end it’s not about who gets to be right. It’s about what God wants.
Jennifer | Apr 27, 2009 | Reply
I rarely disagree with something my husband does as a youth pastor but when I do, I do my best to say everything in love. I also try to listen more than I talk and ultimately I remind myself that he was hired to be the youth pastor and not me:)
Courtney Laib | Apr 27, 2009 | Reply
DH and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things especially since I am constantly active in his ministry. We pretty much have a no nonsense policy and I tell him exactly what I think and challenge him to test his motivation. The one thing I have to keep in mind is that once I have said my peace the final call is all him and if I don’t like it I just have to suck it up.
Nikki | Apr 28, 2009 | Reply
Well this being a few years into our ministry together, we have seen different viewpoints. I grew up in a very conservative church and so moving to his church years ago was a big struggle because it was not as conservative (in worship, messages, attire, etc). I slowly had to see the great plan God has for churches that spread the Good News, and now I am so on fire for the outreach our church is doing (that my old church was not so upfront about).
All that to say, I had many times in the beginning where I strongly disagreed and he would always listen to my opinion but say “this is how I feel God is leading our ministry.” I was so proud of him (looking back) that my husband did that because our ministry would not be the same. There are still things now that I disagree with, and we talk about it and he explains why he feels one way and myself the same. It makes for a great partnership but ultimately he is the head of the ministry and our family and I will respect what decision he makes (haha but I love when he sees my side of it and changes things- gives me a little taller stance haha).
PS- we were at the Catalyst conference this past week and your church is GORGEOUS (we are in the planning/building phase of our first building- 3000 people meeting in a school is really not helping growth haha). Just wanted to say that Mariners was such a great place to be at that week!
Amber | Apr 29, 2009 | Reply
I guess I’m lucky I hardly ever disagree with my husband when it comes to ministry (theres a lot of other things I disagree with him about but not when it comes to ministry- haha) but he is always asking my opinion and we talk about everything before he makes his decisions. Sometimes what I say helps but other times its more frustrating because things get overtalked. I think because we started doing ministry together so early on its just part of us and we learned how to work together. Ultimately, my husband is the youth pastor and I am just there to support him- honestly at this point in our life it’s getting more and more exhausting being intimately involved in ministry (we have a 18 month old and I am in my ninth month of pregnancy plus I have my own job part time). But I love the fact that my husband comes home for lunch and wants to discuss important things about ministry with me before he has a meeting with someone in the afternoon or whatever the situation is and then I know exactly how to pray for him also! No matter how hard things get sometimes, I love supporting my husband and it blows my mind how my opinion is so valuable to him!Crazy!
BTW we also went to the catalyst conference and loved it and your church is awesome!
Angelina | Apr 29, 2009 | Reply