Oh, here it comes….
By Amanda on May 5, 2009 in Featured
Post by Ann:
So, I know we pretty well covered this last spring, but summer is coming again. I sat down with my husband last night to look over the next three months. I cried. This is our 10th summer. Shouldn’t I have this down by now?
Today I called one of our favorite babysitters and asked her to set aside a few days in June. That felt a little better.
Anyone have a few fresh ideas for surviving the May to August insanity?
Ann-
I feel for you!!! My husband’s schedule is so bad that I’m packing up the three kids and heading to my parents house…it’s our 9th year, and I’m still not used to it too. I love that my husband is in the ministry, but it can be hard sometimes!! I’m crying with you!
Charla Romero | May 5, 2009 | Reply
This will be my husbands first summer as a full time youth pastor at a church. Luckily I am having our first child in June, so I get that month. Other then that I look to all of you for the advice.
Corrie | May 5, 2009 | Reply
I don’t know… I’m not really dreading the summer right now. I think it’s because we just finished our first school year at a new church and they do less summer programming than our last church. I am used to continued Wednesday nights (usually with water involved and more off-campus activities) PLUS meetings for two camps and at least one mission trip, PLUS whatever we got roped into doing for VBS. This year I’m really looking forward to a break from Wednesday nights, and there are only two major events for the summer: a five-day local service “camp” and a six-day camping trip. I think there is also an overnight trip to an amusement park being planned. But that’s it. We are trying not to overdo it since there aren’t huge expectations for doing tons of stuff in the summer. My husband has even been pulling extra things OFF his draft calendar that he was considering because he wants to protect our time. This is only our third summer in the ministry, so I’m glad he’s starting these habits early. It also helps that junior high groups typically don’t have as many trips and things like that.
Maybe it’s also that we don’t have kids. I know our high school pastor’s wife is taking the babies (ages 3 and 1) and going to visit her parents for two weeks during the high school mission trip. She did this last year, too, and loved it.
Kristen | May 6, 2009 | Reply
Tell him to cut things! If it is making you cry, it is too much. I learned that after our first summer and we have not made the same mistake again.
Niki Mohr | May 6, 2009 | Reply
I can totally relate to this post. I think all YP wives can to some extent. I dread summers as well. This is our 8th summer. I don’t know why it doesn’t get easier. I usually try to get a babysitter for a couple of the evenings he is gone. It also helps me to keep pretty busy while he is gone, often times I will have friends over after my son goes to bed to have some adult time. This year, I planned a getaway by myself (with my parents) and will have a little time for just me, in the middle of the summer. We YP wives have to stick together during these crazy months and pray for each other and love on each other through this blog and other ways. I know it’s tough! UGH!
Joye | May 6, 2009 | Reply
Been there too! It’s fun to do all that stuff but at the same time I jealously guard time that is just for our family to do absolutely nothing.
There is no rule that says your ministry must plan all of the summer activity for the youth in your church. You are not someone else’s glorified babysitter.
Besides camp we provide one other big activity during the summer. Sometimes a mission trip, sometimes an amusement park, etc. We also meet on our regular youth night all year long.
I agree with Niki. If its making you cry it is too much. I would rather have my time with them mean something rather than stuffing the summer full of pointless activity.
Jennifer | May 6, 2009 | Reply
Yah I agree, all of the youth staff at our church made sure that we didn’t go crazy. Our high school pastor just had a new baby boy and his wife is in no hurry to fill their summer with their 2 year old a new baby. So my husband, the junior high pastor, took on a few other things (since we do not have kids yet, it’s our 3rd year at this church for summer).
Our biggest thing that helps our church stay energized over the summer is to delegate summer events to our youth leaders. So we planned an event each week (rather than the normal bible study in homes) and each event was given to 2 of our youth leaders (we are blessed with tons of youth leaders for jr. high and HS) that way the YPs are not running around like mad all summer. They oversee the events but let the youth leaders take responsibility for one even and give them the rest of the summer off (so they are recharged for the start up of school again!)
Make sure to use your resources. The church knows that if the marriage is strained, the ministry is strained so protect the root of the ministry- your marriage
Amber | May 6, 2009 | Reply
I hear you. Summers can be tough. To top things off my husband has gotten a hugh vision to start something very big in our area. It will require a lot of time and dedication, but you know I really and not that sad. God has placed things on his heart for a reason and it has been reconfirmed in many ways. I know if we were not busy with ministry it would be something else and I can’t think of a better way to spend my summer then serving God. We must all just stay focused on God he is our strength not our beloved husbands.
as for summer camps we are doing one this year. Last year we made our own. This year thank God we are going to a real one. Any of you heard of Falls Creek in Oklahoma?
Mary Rodgers | May 6, 2009 | Reply
I am with you ladies!We are having our second baby at the beginning of June -right when all the crazyness starts! The only thing I am really looking forward to is that I will not be working this summer because of my maternity leave so I will be home with my kids but I am a little scared not having my husband around and having two kids! This is the first summer that our HS group is doing an overseas missions trip so it’s a little more work to balance that with camp and other summer events. To top things off usually our summers at this church are not very busy because a lot of people leave for vacations but this year our Senior Pastor really is pushing every ministry to grow in numbers and for him that means everyone needs to be doing a lot more events to get students involved. Its a lot of pressure and I definetly want to cry as well!!!!
Angelina | May 6, 2009 | Reply
Just some thoughts…
Recently, one of the adults from the youth ministry team approached me about my husband.(Big no-no in my book.) She was concerned because the entire summer wasn’t booked with activities. First of all, I thought the summer calendar was too busy. I was also pretty upset as this lady has been complaining to other people.
Last Sunday, in frustration, I picked up Mike Yaconelli’s book, “Getting Fired for the Glory of God”. Incredible. I strongly suggest every single one of you to read it and get your YP Husband to read it. It’s fascinating. My husband decided to read it and give copies to the entire ministry team. My point is this…sometimes I think we get so busy doing ministry…that we stop ministering. I think that sometimes the pressures of people’s expectations are too much. But we must keep in mind Who’s minstry this really is…And as my husband says, the worst thing we can do is create a ministry that is a mile wide and an inch deep. Not everyone will be happy with how the ministry is being run…and that is a good thing. A lot of people weren’t happy with Jesus either.
Krista | May 6, 2009 | Reply
uggg I cried last night over the schedule too. Not so much about the summer but just the ongoing thing. Little things have been creeping into his schedule and they’ve begun to really add up. He’s gone more now, so I do basically everything around the house, thats not the way it was a year ago. I don’t want to nag, so I don’t, but it’s killing me. I’ve just been praying about it, that God would work on his heart, cus when I try to change him it never works, we all know that right ladies!?! I’ve even noticed myself distancing because it hurts too much that I miss him. Anyway, major vent, glad I have a place to do that . . .
Ashley Christian | May 6, 2009 | Reply
This is our 7th summer of dealing with the busyness of youth work…and each year it is different. I find myself sometimes becoming hardened, so that I just wish for his trips to be over. Other times I’m excited for the things God is going to do in the lives of the students. I guess it depends on where my heart is on a given day. The overall hectic pace that he keeps wears me out–
I’ve shed many tears–because it means “single parenting 3 (while being 5 months pregnant) kids, dinners alone, family time ignored because of my own exhaustion…the list could go on.
Sometimes it doesn’t sit well when I approach my husband because he’s working hard to provide for us, and I seem unsupportive. Honestly, I long to leave the ministry some days–but is that my own lack of contentedness?
I love what Krista said, and can’t wait to read that book! Seems we loose focus any time we’re too busy, as it distracts us from the One whom we serve. For me, busyness leads me to be spiritually dry, complacent, and out of touch with Jesus.
Busyness does not equal effectiveness, right?
Diana | May 6, 2009 | Reply
I hear ya, girl! I’m having a baby in three weeks and I am dreading the time without my husband with a toddler and an infant. Of course we moved away from all family after we had our first. I’m petrified at times, but then am reminded that God is in control and I am praying that the right people come along beside me to help when I’m at my wits end. We are survivors even if we don’t want to be sometimes. Isaiah 40:31. Hang in there, girlie!
www.jessicasheets.com | May 7, 2009 | Reply
I’m just wondering how much your groups have planned for the summer? We have a pretty packed summer too but it does not bring me anywhere close to tears of sadness. I greatly look forward for the summer as it is a time to connect and get to know the students. Maybe some prioritizing and delegating needs to be done!
Heather | May 8, 2009 | Reply
I am a complete newbie to being a YP wife. Actually I am not one yet
I started dating my husband when he was working as a YP and he decided that he didn’t want to start our marriage by being too overwhelmed in ministry to invest in US, so he got a regular job and stepped down from full time ministry for a year. Our first 6 months of marriage have been amazing! Long evenings together, weekends spent doing stuff together, planning road trips, holidays with family (instead of at church or alone). We took this time out of full time ministry to build a solid foundation for our marriage but now we are aching to get back into ministry and (Lord willing) hope to be in a church by the fall. Which means this is our last “free” summer and that is bittersweet.
I’m already missing him and feeling lonely thinking of how crazy being back in ministry will make our lives. But I am also excited to see him working again where he has been called and gifted to serve.
I’ve been reading this blog ever since I noticed my now-husband. Trying to figure out the life of a YP’s wife…I guess I’ll soon find out! It has encouraged me to find a place where I can ‘listen in’ on conversations from godly women who are there
Crystal | May 8, 2009 | Reply
I have only been a youth pastors wife for 3 years- our entire marriage. Hardest three years of my life. I feel tired. My husband is more like my roommate. Should romance be gone this soon? I feel like I have to compete to get his attention. I get the worst of him at the end of the day. Any time I suggest that I am hurting, it is brushed aside as being “emotional”. But I am sure if I was between the ages of 13-18 he would be interested in what I was feeling. I don’t really want this anymore.
Tina | May 11, 2009 | Reply
Tina,
My heart breaks for you! We have all hit bumps in the road on this crazy journey, not just in Youth ministry, but in just plain ol’ marriage. Both are hard enough alone, but put them together and it truly is exhausting! Communication is the only way to work through this. You should NEVER feel as though you are competing for his attention. You are his wife and you come before his job. His job is NOT God and that is the only person that should come before you. It is a messy distinction sometimes for the guys to figure out. If he’s only been doing this for 3 years he is still figuring stuff out. But there certainly is a burn out point for both of you. Sounds like you have hit yours. I have found that coming to my husband calmly, with thought out words, and no tears is the best way for him to really hear what I am saying and feeling and for him to take me the most seriously. So we both don’t get so caught up in the crazy “emotions”. Your feelings are real and he needs to hear them. You are not alone. We have all been there!
Much Love,
Amanda
Amanda Maguire | May 11, 2009 | Reply
I thought I was ready for summer, but I’m not. It just hit me, to the point of tears, in the shower yesterday. There is just too much going on and so much coordination to do. In addition to youth ministry, my husband also runs the children’s ministry at our church. And, there are never enough volunteers to go around. How do you guys work it out when you’re praying for the Lord of the harvest to send workers, but there are no workers appearing? Or when you pray for peace and more stress appears? Or you pray for guidance and direction and get silence? Or pray for your husband to find santity and only get more chaos?
Anon | May 12, 2009 | Reply
The thing that makes me the saddest about this summer is all of the weeks I will be spending alone. I don’t get vacation time, so when I take time off, we are just out that money. I’ve taken vacation for various youth group trips the last couple of summer, but I refuse to take another week off for ministry this summer. Plus, we are just not in a position financially that we can afford to miss too many weeks of my pay. I want a real vacation (even if all we do is stay at home) with my husband without sharing him with others. So all the trips and camps he will be attending will leave me at home alone. It’s usually pretty lonely as I do not have many friends in the area. I know how much he enjoys what he does so I try so hard to keep that in mind. He will even be gone on our anniversary this year to a leadership conference in Colorado. I knew how excited he was about it so I gave my blessing despite my feelings. I will say though that our youth ministry takes the month of August off and so that gives me something to look forward to. My husband still works, but he is nowhere near as busy. It also gives our volunteers and their families times to breathe as well. We just started it last summer and it was really good for everyone.
Megan | May 13, 2009 | Reply
I guess my question in all this would be, what purpose does each event serve this summer? Sometimes events originally were designed with an intended purpose in mind but didn’t pan out the way we expected and now just need to be dropped. Example: my husband recognized the difficult transition for 8th graders coming into high school group. So he designed events during the summer just for incoming freshmen that still included some of their junior high youth staff but transitioned them into getting to know high school staff. Great idea in theory. Did it for 2 summers. Never really saw the intended results. This summer he dropped it. Praise the Lord! My husband would be much more effective using that time to actually “minister” as has been said in a previous posts, to students who are hurting. Yes, he’s a great event planner but God has gifted him as a counselor more than anything else. I’m excited for him to be able to use his gifts one-on-one at a Starbucks rather than one-on-75 in the church park. Just a thought to consider.
Lori | May 13, 2009 | Reply
Oh, Tina. I hurt for you. You absolutely need to chat with your husband about this. You, as his wife, are more important than any job. I really think that men are programmed to work. It makes them feel as though they serve a purpose, and it gives them a sense of providing. However, sometimes they get so wrapped up in that, they forget about life around them. Please, please go get coffee or ice cream and share your thoughts with him. Romance is intentional, so it doesn’t have to be gone “already.” I know that every married woman who reads your post is crushed to see your pain. And most have been there! So, know that you are loved and you are being lifted up to our Father!!
Mollie | May 15, 2009 | Reply
This is my first summer married to a youth minister. We dated for seven years and got married on Sept. 13, 2008. Even though I knew the trips where coming up, I never understood the fact that he would be gone half of the summer. I guess it is going to take some getting used to because every summer will be like this. This summer while he was gone I went and stayed with my parents again, which they don’t mind at all
Brandi | Jul 20, 2009 | Reply
I realize that many of you are still in the thick of summer, so please forgive me.
I would like to let out a public sigh of relief. Here in the mountains, school starts back in a week and a half. Summer is over!!! We survived regular camp, a grad trip, and an international mission trip. My husband shuts things down the two weeks before school starts. Most of the students are out of town anyway. We take some family time and then my husband has some office time to iron out the details for the fall. Yeah!! The end of summer. The fall will bring with it its own set of challenges, but at least they are local challenges.
For those of you still in the trenches of summer youth ministry, I am praying for you.
Ann | Jul 26, 2009 | Reply