Oh, Sweet Wisdom…

Amanda on June 9th, 2009

Sometimes life can get so hectic in ministry. You know, it really goes in seasons. And I can (most of the time) keep a clear head about me knowing the big picture that this too shall pass and there will be a peaceful time again. But my kids, as expected, are not the same. Recently there has been so much happening I have been bringing my kids to appropriate events, BBQ’s, game nights, dinners, etc., that they might think were fun and would get to see dad. After a few weeks of “fun” we were about to go to a family church BBQ to meet up with Jeff and my 5 year old son did not want to go. He was so sad about it. So I tried to tell him it would be fun for him, he would get to see daddy and other friends and we would all be together.

In his ever so wise 5 year old voice he says, “Daddy is there, but he can’t be with me.”

Oooh!!! So true. I didn’t think of it in the perspective of a 5 year old. It has to be pretty confusing to see daddy “playing” with other kids and not always available for his own. So as parents we will have to change things up a bit. Not go to so many “fun” events. We will work it out. I’m not too worried about the long term effects. But his words have really stayed with me this week. What a powerful sentence.

“You are there, but you can’t be with me.”

Does this statement trickle into any other parts of my world? Yes. I unfortunately think so. Not just with my kids sometimes, but with my relationship with my husband, relationships with friends, and my relationship with God. There are definitly times that life is going so fast, fun or not, that I am present, but not available. I would like to change that up a bit.

Discuss (11)

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Jennifer at 12:57pm June 9

My boys ages 16, 13, 10 & 8 have expressed the same feelings as your son. I know it has been hard for them to share mom and dad with lots of other kids. We have tried very hard to make sure they don’t feel like they constantly have to compete for our attention. But, sometimes I still struggle to maintain a good balance between what I feel is too much or not enough. I mean church is supposed to be part of what we do as a Christian family and not just “Daddy’s work”, right?

They get it though. My oldest son recently told me that he thinks that “other kids are lucky to have you and dad in their life because they don’t really have anyone else”. “I mean isn’t showing people God’s love what we are about?”.

May God continue to bless your family & ministry. Our family will be praying for your family. :)

Amy at 7:18pm October 9

Ah, thank you Amanda. I so needed this tonight. I went online searching for some confirmation of what I felt, but still desiring to be open to the truth. Just this week, we’ve faced some criticism about our kids being ‘around’ the youth group too much. We’ve been at this church for a little over 2 years, and the funny thing is we’ve pared down their involvement a lot due to numerous reasons. They offer childcare so I can actually serve some also, we have more children now (4 boys, ages 5, 3, and twin 2 year olds, and baby boy #5 due in Dec.) and it becomes increasingly difficult, and the fact that there are quite a few other young families on volunteer staff, and we worry about offending them with too much attention given to our kids. However, we both have grown up with the model of a youth pastor’s family being VERY involved, and we loved it for a variety of reasons. We feel the value of modeling, the value of connecting our kids to the students for both their sakes, of being together as a family more, for the boys understanding Daddy’s calling, and so on. And I strongly agree that there needs to be these perks of being a YPK… as there are certain perks in many careers. Needless to say, I have been dealing with very hurt feelings, which isn’t that common for me. I feel like we’ve tried very carefully to do things right, but still honor our philosophy. I guess we hadn’t realized the lack of the modelling of such ministry by previous youth pastors here, since in 20 plus years of being in or serving in youth ministry at a several churches, it was always the norm. And I do realize that the criticism comes from others who are known for griping and dissension, but it still hurts. I’m just a little nervous because this is one of our strong tenents of our YM beliefs, and one of the reasons we love the job, and chose to have a big family,etc. It would probably be a deal breaker if we were told to exclude them more. Something to think about for those of you searching for a new position. Find out how they feel about this issue. I didn’t even realize it was an issue until recently.