Quiet time is really hard. It’s hard to find and hard for me to sit still. I actually hate it. And I hate the phrase “quiet time”, when referring to time with God.
I am learning that my strong distaste to “quiet time” comes straight from fear. What is God going to say? What am I going to have to do? What do I have to hear? What am I going to feel? What am I going to do with those feelings? Am I actually going to do what I think He says, or just feel guilty about not doing it?… I’d rather not have to deal with any of that, right?
Does god want my “quiet time”? Or a peaceful moment? Is there a difference? In this time of desiring to hear God’s voice I need to find a peaceful moment (I think). Because lately, if I’m not avoiding quiet time, I fall asleep when its quiet.
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I’m Amanda Maguire and I have been “Married to a Youth Pastor” for almost 12 years now. We have 3 kids, Dylan (8) and Molly (6) and Scotty (3). I worked in full-time youth ministry for 4 years, got married and got a “real job”, allowing me to continue to be a volunteer in youth ministry for another 4 years. We started having kids and now I’m just married to the Youth Pastor. I have great friends and a fun life! I have a passion and a calling for wives just like me, married to a Youth Pastor.
I love to write.
I love to do creative activities.
I love to run.
I love to shop.
I love to dine out.
And I would love time to do any of these things more.
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I believe that Satan wants us to believe that quiet time is a bad and dreadful thing, When in reality we need time to hear God say that he loves us so much and loves to be with us. As a parent I want and expect my kids to do certain things but the time that I enjoy the most is when they crawl into my lap for some snuggle time. It is in those times that I speak encouragement and I loves you’s the most. Not when they are running around doing things.
God loves us and delights in us. I lack peace when I fail to believe that.
God has taught me so much about this in the last couple of months. I actually came to place in life where I did not know how to pray anymore. I know it sounds weird since I have been praying my whole life but there was just a big spiritual block where I felt guilty asking God for things I was fearful of what He would say and mostly i didn’t feel good enough. I’m not sure what happened I guess its just me trying to hear his voice but I feel so free now and am excited to spend time with him. I am finding that He actually does speak and the things He says aren’t scary but so amazing! We are not in a very stable place in life right now but I have never had so much peace. Going through the dark times helps us grow closer to God and when you get to the other side it is so good. Although I have to admit its still a struggle to sit down for a “quiet time” many days because of my toddler and baby.
So…I am not a youth pastors wife…just a pastors wife…But, I am in love with your site and your honesty and vulnerability…My husband is in Africa and I feel less than…I feel like I want to do something in Haiti and around the world and quite frankly my role as a mom does not feel that big…I think sitting with God feels to small to me…Thank you for your honesty…it is what I need…I know God will tell me great things…I just need to be with him…
Love you married to a youth pastor…
Holiday Zimmerman