There are a lot of changes happening in our student ministries right now. In the midst of the crazy summer so many other components are moving in different directions. Many of the changes are great, and needed. And it will be exciting to see how God will unfold all that we have been praying for.
But there are a few changes that I (as the wife) do not like so much and don’t understand. It is these changes that I don’t know what to say, and not say, and just what to do. My pride wants to shout at my husband, “Hey, did ya think it all through? Are ya real, REAL sure about that one?!” And my favorite, “Listen to me, listen to me, just listen to me!” BUT…..I know I shouldn’t.
I don’t know if I’m alone on this one, or what?? Anyone else fear change as much as me? I totally trust my husband and his call to this ministry. I do believe he is brilliant and gifted and a wonderful leader. Buuutttttt, what do you do when you don’t agree with it all??
Nothing?
Pray?
Vent, and visit this site?
I did take a big step (for me) this weekend. Our Pastor asked us to choose one area in which we would come to God daily for the summer and ask his guidance. I was certain that I was going to ask for wisdom concerning all these changes happening for us in ministry. That I would pray right along side Jeff for all that is to come in this season… But I’m not. I will leave that for Jeff and God.
I am praying for rest.
“Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Mt. 11:28)
I am tired.
I am lonely from this summer (already).
I need rest.
And (I’m convinced) not just a nap. I need a rest for my soul. A rest that I can only imagine can come from God. I will be praying daily for rest this summer. I cannot wait to discover what that kind of rest feels like! And leave the other stuff for someone else… 
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I’m Amanda Maguire and I have been “Married to a Youth Pastor” for almost 12 years now. We have 3 kids, Dylan (8) and Molly (6) and Scotty (3). I worked in full-time youth ministry for 4 years, got married and got a “real job”, allowing me to continue to be a volunteer in youth ministry for another 4 years. We started having kids and now I’m just married to the Youth Pastor. I have great friends and a fun life! I have a passion and a calling for wives just like me, married to a Youth Pastor.
I love to write.
I love to do creative activities.
I love to run.
I love to shop.
I love to dine out.
And I would love time to do any of these things more.
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I love when I look in my Google Reader and see that you’ve posted. Nine times out of ten, it’s exactly what I’m feeling….and I am feeling the loneliness and exhaustion of summer already too! Also, the tension of when to talk and when to just keep my mouth shut. I’m learning that, when I struggle with the church getting so much of my husband’s time, I need to realize that he and I are serving God….not just these people. It’s easy for me to get bitter when I think he’s with these people so much. When I keep my eyes on God, I’m able to get through it better. All this to say, you’ve spoken right where I’m at again! I’m so thankful for your blog and to know I’m not the only wife who struggles with these things…..and works hard to rise above them.
Cha cha cha changes would be so nice for us right now…..I am tired and weary of being in the holding pen God has had us in. What do you do when you are certain of your husband’s call to ministry…..but every opportunity that seems to come his way is pulled out from underneath him. It has been a year and a half since my husband was let go from his youth ministry due to financial constraints. We’ve had a number of candidacy’s but all the churches seem to be calling others to their staff. Our loneliness comes from seeing pictures of youth events from our friends and former teens and know that we are no longer a part of it and the longing to serve God in that manner again. Yes, we still have our opportunities to serve and connect with them stil…..but it isn’t the same. Don’t you just wish God would clue you in on a glimpse of His Master Plan every once in a while?
I can SO relate to this post! My husband and I just approach things differently when it comes to administrating, etc. SO, my solution has been to stay out of his way- I basically look at it from the perspective of he’s the pastor, I am not. We have a basic verbal agreement that he will ask me for my advice when he wants it, otherwise, I keep my mouth shut and pray- i do reserve the space to tell him how i feel about things that are VERY pressing, as in I just can’t stop thinking about it, i feel like God is telling me to share my opinion, etc. but i try to save that for the once in a while situation- otherwise our relationship turns into my trying to boss my husband around in his job– yeah, so this post really hits home for me- anyone out there have any other ideas on how to handle this would be great because i feel like my solution is by default rather than the wisdom of some experienced PW out there-
Love your advise Sarah
Our youth ministry also changed this summer when the youth group got too big – so we split it with Middle school and High School. So that means almost 2 different ministries but still the 1 person. I told my husband I have been tired for 1 year of go-go-go especially with a 2 year old daughter. But we are making it work and he sees the value of saying No and so am I!
And yet, in the midst of it all there are times that we as wives are called to be advocates for our family and for family time. If the family is health the ministry will be better. If family is struggling, our men will struggle in ministry as well. Sometimes we as wives need to lay down our lives, other times our men need to learn to say no and care for their families. The balance of family and ministry is so hard.
WOW!! I have just found this blog and I feel like I have found some soul sisters. I have been married to a youth minister for 14 years today. He has been a youth minister for 14 years in Sept. We have 3 beautiful girls and busy is our life too. I have loved reading what everyone has to say. We are in the middle of VBS right now and I was just thinking how tired I am and the summer is not even close to being over. It is funny to hear my friends talk about how bored they are about now. I am like you are kidding right? When you are married to a youth minister you never stop. I do love my life and love being a part of my husbands ministry. There are days I feel like I’m not sure if I will make it, but everytime I do God is there to pick me up and help me make it to the next day. Thanks again for all the thoughts I am looking forward to making this blog a part of my cyber reading.
My husband says one of the best pieces of advice his religion professors gave him was listen to your wife! She will see and catch things long before you do. When we first got married and began in the ministry my husband took that and came to me often. Many times my response to him and still is at times, I don’t know you’re the YP. But when I do speak up about something whether it is of great importance or as simple as rooming assignments for a trip, he is kind enough to listen. This past 18 months there have been a lot of changes going on. Some good and others heart breaking. One good is the birth of our daughter. But as you all know there is no downtime in ministry. You are on a broken treadmill that keeps running no matter what time of year it is and there is no off button to hit. I was told I was going to have to learn to slow down, but lets face it for some of us that is not an option, we adjust. Needless to say we are learning how to juggle a newborn with ministry, and people from the church are stepping up to help with our daughter otherwise we would not be able to continue to do what we do. And my husband has learned already that there are times he needs to be home. He is probably more adamant about it then I am. With the ministry growing, the treadmill continuing to run, and changes always on the horizon, it seems like all we can do is pray. Pray for refreshing, encouragement, faith, and strength.
Sometimes all you can do is say that you disagree & explain why. I never doubted my husbands call to the ministry either.
That being said we decided that our family are the first people we minister to everyday. Sometimes it’s hard to be that intentional with our choices. You want to honor God, give your own children the attention they deserve and not disappoint in ministry. Many days that is easier said than done but a good ministry starts with the choices you make within your own family.
Talk to each other, pray together about everything & do what it is God has called you to do. Praying for you
Haven’t visited in awhile, but this was so good for my soul. My husband returns from camp today… supposed to be home an hour ago, but you know how that goes. He’s been gone for 3 weeks this month, and I am so done. And he was so busy with the last day of camp yesterday he even forgot my birthday… Trying to stay positive, I love our life and know that its all worth it, but some days are so tough. Hopefully we will get to see him a little more in August… But of course, gearing up for back to school is consuming also. We now have 5 little boys and my job has turned much more to the home front. God has called us, and we will sustain us, we rest in Him alone.
Also loved this post. I often struggle with this, and how in the world do you talk to anyone from your world about this without sounding disrespectful to your husband? NIce to have a community who ‘gets’ it. Thank you!
Amy, I feel your pain (except for having 5 little boys). Trying to stay positive is my daily goal these days! It’s definitely nice to have a community of women who get it, for sure! Especially ones that aren’t afraid to be real.
first time posting here, but long time reader. a few months ago, this topic was weighing heavily on my heart. and here we are the end of the summer and it’s still weighing heavy. not so much the trusting my husband to make the right decisions as youth pastor but that the church leaders and decision makers are trusting my husband to lead while “others’ make decisions that we may not necessarily agree with. I’ve only been a youth pastor’s wife for two years now and what a learning process it has been. Knowing when to keep my mouth shut, and when to encourage, and when to question….thanks for this post Amanda!
I just love that you are so honest here. It makes me take a big breath. I got reamed from a fellow pastoral spouse this summer for “whining” (!!!!) about the realities of ministry so I am edified by your honesty. Thank you! I’m also pleased to be looking BACK on the lonely summer instead of FORWARD to it. And now, at the end of summer, we are also looking at some changes in which there hasn’t been as much “we” language as usual. In this particular change, I think my strategy has been to give him space to work out his calling, and then I’ll get in on the details a little later. I think.
Does anyone have any ideas for how to get involved alongside your husband when you have children? We recently started at a new church (after a year of unemployment…praise the Lord!) but now that we have 2 young children (2 and 7 months) I find that I am having a hard time connecting with the youth. My first priority is my own children, so I will not forsake them at any cost. The nursery at our church isn’t open at all times so I cannot attend Sunday night youth, etc. We are having families and people from the church over for meals so that my kids are in their own environment with toys, etc. Are there any other Moms that experience this also? I feel like I missing out on so much!! Help! I’ve always been alongside my husband in ministry and this is a new season!
Mindy I totally understand what you are going through and I am sure plenty of other moms do too. We have 3 children ages 11, 7, 4. I can remember after my first child was born I remember thinking I can do this. I can be involved and have children. Of course I learned as my children got older it is harder. I know I miss so many times what happens on Sunday nights. I don’t know how you do Sunday nights, but we have dinner before our youth meeting at 5:30pm. I do take our girls up to the church on Sunday nights for dinner and we eat with the youth group. I do love that time with them and my girls love seeing the youth. I miss going to the meetings but I am glad that I get dinner with them. One thing that has been good for me is having things like facebook and texting. I try to talk to some of the kids through these avenues. I have a heart for for our girls ministry and I do stay in touch with them using them. I am blessed that our church has been really supportive of my family being involved in my husbands ministry. We have always been able to go on trips and I am so thankful for that. You might could even see if there could be a family or college students that could help you on Sunday nights. I hope some of this helps. Hope somebody else can give you some thoughts. Will think and add you to my prayer list.
My husband and I moved out of state almost 3 years ago, 800 miles from our family and friends, to be in youth ministry. It has been a hard long road. Our church is very close and most of the members have grown up together. My 2 oldest daughters and I feel like we still don’t fit in. My husband is the youth pastor yet our 16 yr. old hates going to events because the other kids ignore her. His ministry is going well , but our family is unhappy. It has taken an emotional toll on me. We have been discussing moving back home. I already have a job lined up and we have a house there. We have been praying that God would open a church for him back home and we both feel strongly this is what we need to do. But Im so scared we may not be doing the right thing. I need advice and prayer.
Patti, I am so sorry your family has had such a hard time. I can only imagine how hard that is to be away from your family. It must be hard feeling like you are the outsiders in your own church. I wish I could tell you that if you do this one thing then you will know the answer. I wish so many times God would write my answers in the sky. That would be so nice!! I find it so hard to decide what my own heart wants and what God wants for my life. I think it is much harder when your kids are involved and they are not happy. You want to protect them at all cost. Is there a Christian counselor that you and your husband could go see. My husband works for the Methodist church and they provide free counseling for him and his family. I know so many times you may need a third party to hear it out for you. I think there are times when you can have someone with your beliefs and faith help guide you to the right answer. We all need someone to talk to and figure out this thing called life. I will be praying for you and your family.