Come to find, I am not just too busy. I stay too busy. I have found that I tend to use all of the church events, youth events, and even wonderful people surrounding me as a way from being intimate with God. I am too tired, and there really is no time to sit quietly and think a thought in my head with all the things I do, let alone think about what God might want me to do. There is no time because I make it that way. I fill up my time with all of these “fun” and “great” things. No one would look at any of the things and say they were bad things to be involved with. And not that that is even the point. At least for me, I am not looking for other people to validate all the things I do. I am looking for a way to stay away from God.

The few times  I went to church I would cry the entire time, just because I liked it so much and it felt great. Strange to say but I stopped going to church services. All of these things (including my own family) had me feeling so overwhelmed and emotionally drained it was too much to feel God as well.  I would plan other things during the time I could actually attend the service or make my kids an excuse (sort of) of why I couldn’t go. And again, I wasn’t having to explain myself to anyone. No one really ever asked. (Everyone just assumes a pastor’s wife goes to church). I was just really good at convincing myself this is what I needed during this season of my life, it was too much to emotionally connect with God.

So you can now imagine why I keep saying in previous posts, “God is rewiring me”. After all these years of serving and being married to a youth pastor its amazing what I still get wrong. I don’t have a “wrap it up in a bow” ending to this. It’s still pretty fresh and I’m understanding the backward-ness of my thinking. I am learning I can clear my calendar of events, draw stricter ministry boundaries and become way more intentional with the people I do spend time with so that I have time. Time for God and time for my family and time for me. It’s a work in progress.

A great post from Ashely.

Let’s just be honest ladies, youth ministry is HARD!  So hard in fact that it has one of the highest turn over rates of any ministry job.  18 months to be exact.  Yep, that’s right, 18 months is the average stay of a Youth Pastor at a church.  Can you believe that!  It seems unbelievable, then some-days you can completely understand why.  Underpaid, overworked, under appreciated.  Even on my most optimistic days those 3 words are a reality in youth ministry.  It truly saddens me that such a beautiful, kingdom exploding job can be so tough on the families that serve.  My husband and I have been at this youth ministry thing for 11 years now.  30 creeps in and you find yourself asking, what’s next?  Will he be a youth pastor when he’s 40?  Do they even hire 50 year old youth pastors??

Only a very teeny tiny percentage of guys in YM retire as youth ministers.  My  question to you is, what’s next?  Go the long haul where you are? Another youth pastor job? Working your way up to a larger church? Senior pastor, missionary, church planter, teacher, firefighter, starbucks barista?

xo
Ashley Christian

I (Amanda) know this is something that crosses my mind every-so-often. The “what’s next” idea is scary and uncertain. And usually if you are serving in ministry you are feeling God’s call to be there now, and its hard to see beyond.

It’s definitely not something to sit in and worry about but I am curious what you guys do with that question. How do you answer that for yourselves and you families?

As I was logging in to the site and typed in my password the prompt says “remember me” and I thought… maybe they won’t. My lack of voice on this blog has not been out of boredom or lack of passion or love for youth pastor’s wives. I still think of you all and pray often. I have about 30 topics, literally, to journal/post/blog/discuss with you all. My journey with God has been such an interesting one in this season of my life. May be  my kids, may be my age,  may be the mark of where we are in ministry I don’t know. But from the start of it all on our amazing summer vacation up until now I have been really listening to God’s voice probably for the first time in my life. And now feel the freedom and am figuring out the words to talk about it with you all. I haven’t learned anything earth shattering or really anything I didn’t know before, but living with my heart more than just going through the motions.

I have had such an “empty tank” (sorry for the super Christian-y cliche) and didn’t stop to do anything about it. I continued to serve out of an my emptiness and liked it. It actually started to feel normal. But that’s not what God wanted from me or wanted for me I should say. I’m sure we’ve all been through a season like this. If not, get ready for one. So, I’ve felt “benched” for a bit…. but now feel truly ready to get back to the game.

I bet a few of you are going through a season similar right now either with family, or personally, or in ministry, feeling “benched”. It’s a confusing place to be. I know my passion hadn’t changed and I didn’t feel like God was saying “STOP talking to these wives”, just a time-out for a little bit to catch my breath and refocus.

I’m excited to continue to listen and see where God takes this ministry, I think its gonna be good.

Oh I LOVED this comment to my last post. I LOVE LOve LovED it!!! I’ve been thinking about it all week and what a new perspective. A refreshing one at that, it totally makes sense!

I don’t believe that God wants to be “first” on our list of priorities. In fact I think that limits Him a little.  He wants to be the center of our everything.  He wants everything we do to filter through Him.

So my new list is:

1. Jeff
2. Kids
3. Ministry
4. Everything Else

Knowing God runs through them all. (I still have to have a list, feels pretty second grade, but I’m learning.)

You guys are so smart!

This has been a very overwhelming season, as I have mentioned in the past many posts… God has been teaching me a ton: rewiring me, breaking old cycles, learning boundaries, and balance, and the art of saying “no”. So stay tuned, I’m gearing up to share a load!
But this post is a reminder for me on how it all breaks down:
1. God
2. Jeff (probably not Jeff for most of you)
3. Kids
4. Ministry
5. All the other stuff
It’s when I am giving too much of myself to “all the other stuff” that makes me feel that anxious and overwhelmed feeling, and then all the other people that ARE the most important get the scraps. Even when I mix up 2. and 3.,  or 4. for 1., it seems good and acceptable. I mean,  all are important but there is a very basic break down that keeps the balance. I think I am going to post that list somewhere (like next to my calendar) so I can see it daily.

A good friend and mentor of mine (Carol Timmons) has been helping me hear God’s voice through my journey of “rewiring”. She is amazing and sent me this great article about doing too much.

Give it a read, its quick and insightful. Click here.

I definitely think its applicable to our lives as well as the students we work with.

My favorite line, “…something’s getting buried. And I think it could be our souls.”

Great stuff to think about.

Something that my head knows but it’s often hard to believe with my heart.

God is good all the time.

Many times I end this statement with a question mark instead of a period.

My kids are sick, God is good all the time?

We can’t make ends meet this month, God is good all the time?

I feel alone, God is good all the time?

I don’t feel supported at our church, God is good all the time?

Whatever the circumstance I know it end with a period.

Can’t wait for the day when I  believe it with all of my heart in all of my circumstances.

(probably not her husband)

Post by Destiny

A month ago my husband challenged our teenagers to raise a certain amount of money for missions in one month.  If they were successful he promised to do whatever they wished with his hair.  Well as of last night my husband now has a bright pink mohawk standing up proudly on his head, which will remain there for the next nine weeks.  In which time we have two conferences and a convention to go to plus about a million other things.  Needless to say I have stocked up on hats and beanies for when we are out together and not around the teens.  Here is my question, What are the craziest things your husbands have done to motivate, challenge, or for no real reason just did because they love the youth?

Corrie asked about Bible studies last night and I would love to hear what you all think.

I (Amanda) have attended bible studies at my church with other women from our congregation as well as a few others with friends that do not go to our church. I do love both. But I have to admit (as a pastor’s wife) I feel like I can be a little more vulnerable and transparent with friends and women that do not go to our church or at least women who know what being a pastor’s wife is like.
What are your feelings? Bible studies at you church only? Does it matter?

Where do you get your soul fed?

I haven’t been feeling “plugged” in to the HS ministry this summer, so to kick off the school year I planned a HS staff appreciation dinner. It was so good to be with the team and their spouses. We really appreciated the wives by showering them with praise and gifts. It was super simple, just a swim party together (no kids). It’s amazing how just a few intentional hours together can make such a difference in connecting. I really love our team. And was reminded that together paid, unpaid, volunteer, spouse (seen or unseen)…we all are pouring into the lives of students and make the team what it is, strong and amazing!