Break(ing)Point
By Amanda on Oct 10, 2009 in Featured
A good friend and mentor of mine (Carol Timmons) has been helping me hear God’s voice through my journey of “rewiring”. She is amazing and sent me this great article about doing too much.
Give it a read, its quick and insightful. Click here.
I definitely think its applicable to our lives as well as the students we work with.
My favorite line, “…something’s getting buried. And I think it could be our souls.”
Great stuff to think about.
This is so true Amanda! It’s crazy that is exactly what my husband and I have been talking to our students about recently. since when do you need all AP classes, 2 sports at a time, play an instrument, etc. etc just to get into college? Is it really that competitive? I was a high achiever in HS too but now it just seems too crazy. All of our students are stressed and the reason why they stop pursuing a relationship with God is always “too busy”. When I think about the effect this has on our spiritual life it scares me but not many seem to agree.
Angelina | Oct 10, 2009 | Reply
I definitely agree with the points made about busy families and how it can be counter-productive to mental and spiritual health to overload our schedules for the sake of feeling involved, needed, and knowledgeable…
…however, sometimes when your job is ministry, how do you draw the line when it comes to being “too busy”? What about when there’s a big church project that the congregation has pushed for but no one has signed up to volunteer to help with? Let’s be honest, all too often the details get left to the church staff (read: youth pastor) to execute because the congregation feels like it’s in our job description to be at the utter beck and call of the church.
It’s one thing to recognize that my family might be getting stretched too thin and it’s a whole other to have the freedom to do something about it. These days, we’re running ragged, but there’s no relief in sight. We know it’s not healthy and that in getting things done for the church, we’re neglecting our spousal relationship and, ironically, our spiritual lives, but when there’s no option for respite, those things end up shoved to the side.
Frustrating.
Hosanna | Oct 10, 2009 | Reply
The thinkless job!! Youth pastor!! Right? Have any of you stuggled with this. I mean we don’t do it for the thanks, but it does seem to get hard when you don’t feel appreciated or even important.
My breacking point came last week. I am going to have surgery and I told my senior pastor’s wife. She seemed very careing and ask if I’d come down in evening service so they could pray for me. She assured me she would tell her husband and he’d make and opening for it. The thing is I went but he didnot even give any chance for it. I felt forgotten!! This is not the first time I have felt this way about different things. Were I was pushed to the back and forgotten usally because everyone is all about my husband being there and not me. Anyway and a result I posted somethe on face book about people pretending to care. I names no names just posted the thought.
She read it and immedately replyed is it me you are talking about. I didn’t respond I want to think about my reply.
In the mean time I got an email about pastor appeceation mouth and it was asking for people to help with it. Every year the youth group get ask to do something speacial for the pastor. Now this always baffels my husband and I. Is his title not youth PASTOR? My husband put in more time at the church the the full time pastor does. My husband is suposed to be part time and get payed only 600 a month. So why doesn’t he get appreciated?
Not to mention the day before my prayer thing my husband and I had a youth lead worship service open to everyone it was suppost to be a great time of worship for all ages we ask our church to join us. Two people showed up. The pastor said he was too tierd. Yet any time they do something we are expected to be there. Getting back to the prayer thing she called my husband and he did tell her she hurt me. She appologized and we made up.
All this said can you guy relate to any of this. I am feeling really over powered by emotions. I have always though your church is a place to reach out for support and encouragement. Right now I just feel discouraged about it all. I have a since of apothy for the church. I still love the youth and want to work with them but could care less about going to adult church stuff. Any advice please help a sister out.
Mary | Oct 12, 2009 | Reply
Mary,
On behave of the Body of Christ, let me say “I am so sorry.” This is not right and not the way it should be. I am so sorry that you had to experience this.
There are always people and things that hurt and offend. But there are also those who love and give and care deeply.
My husband has been a youth pastor since 1992. We have experienced both ends of this – being deeply wounded and being deeply cared for. Sometimes it would be easier to be personally attacked than to stand by when our man is not treated fairly.
The claim that we are doing it for God and for kids is true but it doesn’t mean that we do not experience deep pain along the way. Finding our refuge, healing, and hope in God is a life long journey. As ministers wives we have but two options – chase after our God for healing or become bitter old ladies.
I know that this is must be a hard season for you. Hang in there lady! You are precious to our God.
Shari | Oct 14, 2009 | Reply
So do other church show appreciation to the yp. I really wonder if I am blowing it out of preportion. It just leaves me scratching my head when youth are ask to stand and say something about how the pastor is so wonderful and always there for them, as most of the youth don’t even know who he is. He doesn’t come out to youth events. Yet if my husband didn’t go to even one adult thing to help he would be gotten on to. I am really struggling to understand how this is all suppost to work. Were there yet invisable until there’s a problem or need. Is that how it is everywere??? Someone help me understand this please.
Mary | Oct 18, 2009 | Reply
Hi Mary and others,
I, too, am a youth pastor’s wife and am thrilled to find a group like this. It’s a very hard position because you feel bottled up all the time, that you can’t express certain things because it won’t sound like the “good wife” thing to say. I’ve tried to find groups outside the church so I can vent or feel free to express my true feelings without sounding dissenting. My husband has been a youth pastor for 4 and a half years now, and I’m feeling discouraged because I thought he would have found a better paying, less demanding job by now…or at least better paying. He gets paid well, but not for the time he puts in, and part of it is his fault because he is a perfectionist and always goes over and beyond in planning events and getting the money perfect and receipts perfect (which is very good, but just takes a lot of time). We have two young girls, 5 and 3, expecting another, and I just don’t see an end to the endless hours on my part at home. I love the Lord, but I also feel like my soul is getting somewhat buried because I can’t find the time or the right Bible studies to grow in my faith. I’m really burned out from my mothering duties and cleaning house alone, etc. For example, it is almost 10pm on Sunday night and my husband is not home. They had a very good activity tonight, but they also had a good activity yesterday, all day, a football game out of town, and he was gone from 6am until about 9pm. So, I guess I’m venting, too, Mary. Maybe, we can figure out how to live better regardless of our circumstances. If you figure that out, let me know. I think I’ll try to read that article about our souls now.
Burned out youth pastor’s wife- Kat
Kat | Oct 18, 2009 | Reply
The busyness does get to you. I hate that my husband feels that he has to ask the youth elder anytime he’s going to a family function in the evening instead of a “youth” activity. We just figured out how much we spend to go see kid’s football/soccer/cheerleading, and it’s insane. We have no kids of our own yet, so I think the church sometimes feels that we should give them more. However, family time is so important. We are appreciated, even though I am not paid, but it is still wearing sometimes. I wish there could be a happy balance- without everyone getting bent out of shape about him missing a clothing giveaway to go to an anniversary party!
Kate | Oct 21, 2009 | Reply
I can relate to everyone of these posts in some way! It can be so hard to juggle all that goes on with life in the ministry.
My husband and I have come to the prayerful conclusion that we are called to full-time ministry but we are also NOT called to withdraw from the rest of life. If there is an important family function or a child has a band concert etc…it is put on the calendar first. We have a hard time understanding how neglecting our own children makes us better youth ministers!
I know it can be a thankless, demanding job and it wasn’t till I was much older that I realized just how much my own youth pastor gave up for me. Now I pray all the time that I honor God with all my commitments and sometimes that means he is MORE honored by something I am doing outside the church.
You can’t please everyone so pray unselfishly about what to do and then honor GOD in doing it.
I’ll be praying for all of you
Jennifer | Oct 26, 2009 | Reply