Money, money, money, money…MONEY!
By Amanda on Jul 13, 2009 in Featured
Now, I know money can be a very touchy subject and really a very subjective issue depending on where in the country (or world) you live. And just to get this obvious statement out of the way…NONE OF US ARE DOING THIS FOR THE MONEY (or we are not very smart). I am guessing most of us are in the category of over worked and under paid. But that can look very different at certain churches. A friend that reads this blog recently brought up a really interesting situation… She and her husband serve at a very affluent church and are in the over worked and under paid category. I actually can relate to this being in the same shoes. I am assuming that if compared, their paycheck may be a bit larger than some of ours (not that it matters), but when you are living “with the Jones’” and in a very expensive area to be near the church you are called to serve, how do you survive those crazy the financial waters? It is just a wierd place to be caught up in that kind of mix. We serve at a church that when you pull into the parking lot there will surely be 50 Porshe Sports cars, and a few Fararri’s sprinkled in between the Hummers. It’s a pretty fun feeling when the 16 year olds in your ministry drive far and away nicer cars than your 1992 Toyota Corola! It is an interesting struggle to face each week. I know we are grown adults and it is easy to say, “Don’t get caught up in financial matters.” Or, “Where you heart is there your treasure will be…” All are true. But sometimes I feel more human than spiritual. Sometimes I wish I could shop at the stores that our congregation shop at. (Although, most from our church would never shop at Walmart and don’t even know where it is, they don’t know where I buy my super cute clothes). I do wish we had a nicer car. When a student has to get out of their convertible Audi and crawl into my awesome minivan, I can laugh it off most of the time. Oh, I just am admitting that I get the “I want, I want, I wants”. Its not a great feeling or one I like to linger in, but it does happen. My friend and I can’t be alone can we?
What do some of you do with those feelings?
How do you shop so you don’t feel like a poor church mouse? Hints? Tips? Great deals and steals (don’t really steal).
Practical money advice?
At one time in our marriage, my husband was a youth pastor and I was a non-profit youth worker that had to raise funds to pay my own salary. We were definitely over worked and underpaid. At the time I worked with a friend at that organization, and we both agreed. You don’t necessarily have to make a lot of money to look stylish. It makes it easier if you have a lot of money, but it can be done. I like to shop at Target, TJ Maxx, but also at the Gap and other more expensive stores. I just never pay full price for anything. I have also started buying fewer, nicer clothes because I find that they fit better and so I wear them more often than when I pay the cheepies at Target.
It is a difficult situation. I was feeling bad about not being able to put laminate wood floors in my house the other day, and I said this simple prayer, “Jesus, please help me to remember that there are people in this world that literally live in garabage.” It helped put things in perspective quickly.
I know this is getting long, but one more thing. We had a speaker in college once that said if you put all the people in the world in a line based on what they have and their standard of living, we as Americans (even those in ministry) would be VERY far forward in the line. The problem we have, he said, is that we spend more time looking forward than we do looking behind us. That has always stuck with me.
By the way, I think it is different if you are being really overworked and underpaid, which for the most part my husband’s current job doesn’t really feel like that.
Erica | Jul 13, 2009 | Reply
It’s difficult to keep the “I want” feelings at bay. If your church truly isn’t paying you what is expected for your position and area, then that would definitely increase your frustration!
Like Erica, I just constantly remind myself that there are people living in horrid conditions out there. Our A/C went out last week (and in HOT 100+ degree Texas weather, that’s a BIG deal). It was miserable, my baby was fussy, I had company driving into town that next day…it was a mess. But I couldn’t help but think of the women we worked with on mission trip in Mexico who were raising 7 children in make-shift houses constructed of boxes and discarded wooden pallets. It doesn’t make my want for A/C any less, but it makes me quit internally pouting.
We also work in a ministry situation where we never imagined we’d be able to afford to live near where we work. We started praying, asking God to allow us to live closer and I have been amazed at his answer to prayer. He provided us a home that was in our low price range in a neighborhood that we shouldn’t be able to afford in any other situation. Our God is faithful and he knows what we need. That is encouragement to me.
Also, to help with our budgeting, I’ve taken up coupon-ing as a hobby. I just make a game out of trying to spend as little as possible on pretty much anything and everything. It can be exhausting, but it’s worth it in the long run. I also follow coupon blogs (babycheapskate.com, freebies4mom.blogspot.com, etc) that let me in on the good deals that are out there.
Hope that helps! It stinks when your youth groupers drive better cars than you do! But surprisingly, many of those fancy cars may be hiding a mountain of debt for their parents! So whenever my car envy starts to bug me, I just remind myself how much better a car that’s paid for drives than a newer one that comes with a hefty car payment!
Sarah P | Jul 13, 2009 | Reply
The I wants are always there. I too live in an affluent community and often see the same things you mentioned in your post. God really has done a work in me about this issue as I listened to a podcast series this fall. God changed my perspective on money and possessions. So, with that, God’s grace keeps me from wanting too much, and really my mind is wrapped around what I really want my spending to say about my life, my family, and my husband’s life. We really have been blessed with so much and there are probably two pieces of furniture in my house that my husband and I have bought with our own money. Much has been given to us, and while I would love to replace it all if I could, I can’t.
We budget, my husband does weddings on the side sometimes, I shop at the discount stores, use coupons, and proudly shop at “the Wal-marts.” I know that one day we will be able to be able to give to others, just like people have given to us.
Julie | Jul 14, 2009 | Reply
you guys have all given great advice! It is really difficult for me though because we too live in a community that I never, never thought we would ever be able to live in and we are thankful for the condo that God has provided for us but with it comes a big mortgage payment and although I can’t expect the church to pay my hubby any more money because I think he does get payed well for a youth pastor but nothing compared to what the average person in this community gets paid. Because of this I have to work part time and with 2 little kids and all the ministry stuff it makes it a little stressful sometimes. i also would love a yard for my boys but the park across the street works great. I like shopping at Ross for my clothes. Anyway, i wish I was more spiritual then human in this area.
angelina | Jul 14, 2009 | Reply
We went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University and have really committed to this lifestyle. It’s freeing–I highly recommend it to anyone, but especially those who are called to serve the Lord vocationally!
So true to be human, though, and caught in the want factor at times–especially seeing how others choose to spend their money/time/resources. Or to be caught in debt up to their eyeballs–depends on how you look at it, I suppose.
One thing I covet (which, if we’re honest, it is a sin-issue if we don’t confess it) is a larger house. We have soon-to-be four kids in one bedroom, and I’d love a place with a basement to store toys and have kid-zone. But when we bought the house it was at the maximum of our price-range without being enslaved to our “possession”. We don’t own our home, but Lord willing, will sooner than later.
I find it funny when people don’t have a clue about what it’s like to live at an income level where all our medical is paid for by the state, our kids qualify for free lunch, and we buy most of our clothes from a consignment shop, and return those clothes to the consignment shop just so we can have a date-night. One woman (who’s husband makes well over what mine does) at our church suggested we move to a different house because of our many kids/small house situation. She’s living in a 6 bedroom with 3 kids…
Or the time someone complained to me about having to be out of the house this morning when the housekeeper came to clean. That’s SO not on my radar!!
But, it’s perspective, I suppose. Confession, I suppose. And definitely a God thing, when we are free from these worldly wants–
So glad God’s not finished with me, so I can confess, repent, and stop looking at larger houses for sale.
Diana | Jul 14, 2009 | Reply
Diana,
We have 4 kids all in one room. There is no way that we could afford a larger home. We live in an area where many people vacation, and that drives the cost of housing up.
There are challenges to having all the kids in one room. One of those challenges certainly is the “helpful” women at church who suggest that we might need a larger home.
However, it has actually been really fun to have them all in the same room. Sometimes when I wake up I can hear them playing together. Bedtime usually takes awhile because they will giggle for 30 minutes before falling asleep.
One thing that I have done for the oldest two is buy a plastic storage container with a lid that they each keep on their bed. This lets them store books or other treasures in a way that makes it less likely the younger two will break something.
Enjoy your crowded house!
Ann | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
It’s just so encouraging to me to hear other women with the same thoughts and feelings and struggle to continually give it to the Lord… thanks for sharing everyone! I know I am exactly in the boats described above but it’s nice to know others are in the boat with me.
Amanda (but not the official one) | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
Ann-
Thanks for the encouragement. I love simple living–I enjoy our home. My husband has worked hard to make it into the home it is today, and the structure of a house is not what makes a house a home. Really, like I said–perspective.
When we think of the kids in India who are begging on the street, and families in Mexico digging through the dump–we are affluent in this country, excessively even. Praise the Lord for a roof, a home, a family.
See, it’s perspective–and seems we are all in the same boat:) Praying that we will all be able to turn over our worldly wants to focus on the prize:)
Diana | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
Out of all the posts I have read on this blog this one gets the biggest ME TOO! We also live & minister in a very affluent part of our state. The PGA hosts the Buick Open pro golf tourmament about 2 miles away from our house.
Our house is nice and very modest compared to the area and with a family of 6 there is always a want for more space. I don’t think there have been any major renovations since the 1970’s. And then, like Erica, I remember that some places in the world people actually live in garbage.
I used to think that “Warwick Hills” was where the other half lived until I went on a missions trip and realized that the other half is really those who struggle everyday with the most basic things like food and shelter.
Just because some people have all the high end stuff doesn’t mean they are good stewards of their money. All that high end stuff means high end bills. I’ve learned to bargain shop for everything. I love garage sales and thrift stores & have learned how to get great deals at the expensive places as well.
It didn’t take our kids long to realize after we moved here that stuff doesn’t make you happier…a lot of times it just means you have more stuff. They are close to each other not their stuff. We put the two that don’t always get along so well in the same room and they have grown even closer because they have had to learn to respect and cooperate with each other even more.
I must confess and ocassional case of the “gimme’s” but God has always been faithful to supply my needs and I will trust him to help me overcome the wants.
Jennifer | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
This is good stuff. It is nice to know we are not alone. Our church pays my husband less then he would make at even a part time job yet he put in full/overtime hours. Thankfully God has previded me with a good job that for the most part meets our needs. Things get very tight at times. We haven’t always managed our money God’s way and because of that we filed bank ruptcy a few years ago before he was called to be a yp. That makes it tough now that we don’t have two incomes. We still are paying a large sum of it back and will be for two an a half years. I recently took over our financing and have been trying to keep us from staying over drawn. I got a bible study book on managing money and am working through it. Most of all giving to God first. God always prevides and that is the greatest thing in all this is seeing him work it out for his glory. Thank God for his grace and prevision. Thanks for the encouragement.
Mary | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for this post. I can totally relate. Most of the students in our ministry also drive nicer cars than ours. Funny story- my car doesn’t have electric locks or windows and a couple weeks ago a student got in the car and couldn’t figure out how to roll the window down…they had never seen the “old school” windows before!
We recently got a Target in our town and lots in the community were very upset about it but I love it and since most of the people here wouldn’t dare get their clothes at Target I get to have the cute unique clothes!!
While I may want some of the things our students or other families have I also see some of those same families asking for scholarships for camp because they are in way over their heads and while they may have nice jeans they can’t send their kid to summer camp.
These sites offer tips and coupons too!
http://www.frugalmom.net/
http://www.thefrugalshopper.com
Heather | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
Wow, it is so good to hear everyone’s perspective on this and to know we are not alone. If I am honest, I can say that it sometimes makes me feel mad or resentful that such affluent people think nothing of paying their youth pastor (and senior pastors) so little. Yet I have experienced over and over again the blessing of NOT being wealthy, and I have also seen the negative effects of wealth on others around me. And it is such a great reminder to “look backward” in the line and realize how blessed we really are, and to be thankful. I love this blog, and everyone’s insights make this journey so much more enjoyable!!
Monica | Jul 17, 2009 | Reply
My husband and I do not live in a big town by any means. I was wondering if anyone had some cheap date ideas? What are some things you do with your husbands when you are together that don’t cost much?
Megan | Jul 20, 2009 | Reply
I hear you with this frustration! Sometimes it just plain sucks that we couldn’t afford to buy a house in the same town as our church.
Whenever I start to complain about not having as nice of things, my wonderful hubby points out the teaching moment that we have. It is really good for the students to see that not everyone is made of money. That we had to work really hard for the stuff that we have, even if it isn’t new or nice. And that we are completely happy with what we have, and the lives we live…
You don’t need “things” to make a difference in the students lives…sometimes it is the “not having” that makes more of a difference.
Katie | Jul 21, 2009 | Reply
I struggle with this issue alot. My husband gets upset with me saying that I work too hard and we don’t do enough together. I sometimes feel like I need to “make up the difference” that his church salary doesn’t cover. I have a hard time asking God for help if I feel like I am not giving all that I can. I want to fulfill my part of the bargain. My husband and I have disagreements about what is best.
I do have wants, and I do shop smart as well. I can sometimes walk into designer clothing stores and shop the sale racks and get $60 tops for $10. My husband also will say that we give the wrong impression of that we are living beyond our means. I guess I judge people to that way: if I see a woman with a coach purse I assume she blew $300 on it, but she may have gotten a deal, it was a gift, or its a knock-off.
I guess we have to find a good balance. We have only been married two years, so we are still working out some kinks I guess.
Carrie | Jul 22, 2009 | Reply
This is probably a really controversial comment…But I’m wondering why it seems a lot of people on here have chosen to have very large families when money and space are an isue… :-S There doesn’t seem any nice way to ask that without it sounding really judgemental so I hope it comes across as the genuine question it actually is, because I’m just curious!
Sarah Hulme | Aug 8, 2009 | Reply
Sarah,
I am not offended by your question. Suprised, but not offended. I am not sure that I can reasonably put into words why I love having 4 children. I can offer you an example – - – tonight at dinner we were talking about someone that daughter #2 does not know. To help give a reference point daughter #1 said, “she is Jill’s sister.” Daughter #2’s reply, “oh, her best friend.”
I will take the best friend comment over a new car every single day.
Ann | Aug 8, 2009 | Reply
I want to have the wants you’re talking about. My husband and I are volunteer youth workers, which basically equals decent pay (in our secular jobs), but no life. I would trade it all in a heartbeat to be paid to do what we are called to do. Not to mention that I can’t invest in the lives of my 70 youth kids (it’s just hubby and me no staff) the way I’d like to.
Although, even though we could afford something better I do drive a 2003 Chevy Cavalier, in hopes that we can save some money to someday support ourselves with just my salary. (Unless, we end up with biological kids, which pretty much changes everything).
Karen | Oct 19, 2009 | Reply