This is the way we go to church, go to church, go to church…

Amanda on January 5th, 2010

My picture perfect family going to church each Sunday together, my kids coloring Jesus pictures, singing songs, and telling of the wonderful Bible story they learned as they apply it daily in their little lives…its not happening friends! For one, my husband and I can never go to church together (that’s a lie, we go twice a year together). And second, all three of my kids are in a phase of hating church. What do you do? It is so exhausting to spend 2 hours getting ready and out the door and spend another 40 minutes or so checking them all into their appropriate classes each one screaming or whimpering not to go, to then make it into the worship center to be paged out of church to go pick them all up again before hearing one word of the message. This has been my life for the past 2 years. Maybe some of you can relate?? (I do realize not all of you have kids).

So, as I said before for many reasons including this one, I stopped going to church. But now I am desperate to go to church and hear God’s Word. My amazing solution: get a babysitter! I tell you, it has been incredible. My lifesavor, Kayla comes to my house Saturday nights at 4pm, I head out the door alone, go to church, get myself a cup of coffee and sit to worship and hear my pastor’s entire message. Then a few times I have been so lucky to have my husband meet me after the service when he is done teaching and we have dinner together. Last Saturday this happened and I was so excited I cried at dinner! Church AND a date night all in one…it’s a Christmas miracle!

I know this is not the typical “church family” scenario one would hope for. I really do want my kids to go to church and love it. One thing about being a pastor’s kid, they are always at church. I think its okay to not like it. But I don’t want them to hate it. They have a lifetime of “church” ahead of them, I’m pretty sure they will be alright. So for this season in life,  I go to church, it’s great! I love church again. And I do come home talking about what I learned in church and apply it to my daily life with my kids.

I’m just so curious about other moms out there with kids who might be in this same spot. What do you do or what have you done? I just never dreamed that the actual task of getting to and going to church would be close to impossible. I know it won’t always be like this, but I’m sure it will be something else when they get older.

Discuss (14)

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Ashley Christian at 7:29am January 6

Amanda THAT is so SMART!!!! Good for you!! My kids don’t do well in our church’s children’s ministry. I know some of the other pastor’s kids have the same issue. I discovered I can’t leave them for more than one service or they are whinny, grumpy, and making it hard on the teachers. They can’t handle it when the kids, teachers, and curriculum change 3 times in a morning. When one of the other pastor’s wives used to work at the church, she did hire a babysitter.

I agree with you Amanda I think your kids will be totally fine! YOU are the most important faith shaper they have, and when mama’s happy, everyone’s happy.

A friend at 12:37pm January 19

Hey, I stumbled upon this site accidentally, but wanted to throw in some advice from the other side. I am a children’s pastor of a semi-large church in the midwest. I have early elementary age children, and I am married to a former youth pastor, who is now in the business industry. Since I have been the “spouse”, as well as the “pastor”, I believe that we have worked out a system that works pretty well for our family.

1. Church is a “family affair”. My husband and all of my children go to church WITH me…we ride in one car, even if that means them getting there so much earlier then they have too, its important to us, that our children grasp that this is a “family calling” to serve our community. (there are also times that I have to go early as an exception, but this is still the goal every week.)

2. We protect Sundays as a day that we eat lunch together. This means turning down people sometimes, (even the head pastor)…remember, our family is first. I have unique routines that I do with our children each sunday to make it a “special” day, and not a day to dread. (we cuddle to read a book, go to the park for a quick play date between services.)

3. We allow our children to pick which extra weekday activities they want to be in….Awana, kids choir, upward basketball. We do NOT force them to do them all. This way they have a choice. However, it is NOT optional for them to skip out on Sunday. Why??? Because we believe God has called our family to serve this community, not just mom and dad. This means they are special and important to our ministry. They pray over lost families with us, they ride in the car as I take community kids home after church, they go into homes with me as we pray over families and bring food and supplies to the needy. We are not perfect by any means…we have surely had our share of “ministry hang-ups”, but I refuse to allow Satan to steal the joy of following Jesus from my children. I guess you could say I am a little stubborn in that way.

4. My children hang out in my office after school and in the summer. They “experience” ministry with us. (yes, even at a LARGE church, with secretaries, and big-church stuff happening!) :) My church knew from the beginning that my children would not be shoved in a corner while my husband and I ran off to do ministry.

All this to say, since I am in the reversal role, maybe ask your husbands, if they could find small ways to make ministry days and events a family thing. Not just a work thing. Encourage your church to be sensitive to the needs of pastors and their families. I know sometimes we have hired interns to help watch children at church with us during a big event, so that we can still be parents, but also be able to enjoy church.

Hope this encourages you that it doesn’t have to be give up on church going…but maybe getting creative with how you do it.

A friend.