Yes, I am Married to a Youth Pastor
By Amanda on Mar 25, 2008 in Family/Personal, Featured
No, I didn’t think this through! Had I made a pro/con list, there is a good likely hood it wouldn’t have happened (sort of sarcastic). I was in full time ministry for a few years before we got married, so I kinda knew what I was in for. We got married and someone had to get a real job…me.
Then we started having kids, Dylan 4, Molly 2, and baby #3 on the way (due in September). So my ministry journey has been a roller coaster, but whose ministry journey isn’t? This is a crazy business being married to a youth pastor. Luckily, I have some wonderful mentors and friends who are on a similar journey and a great sense of humor. Because if you can’t laugh at your husband and your church…you will go nuts!
My hope for this blog is that it be a place for youth pastors’ wives to visit and laugh, and relate to these entries. I would love for this to become a little community where we can encourage each other through comments and even emails. I also pray that this would be a tool for us to learn from others who are on the same journey even though our stories are so different. I am not an expert but I am passionate about our calling. We are stretched much further than most know and are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
i like your thoughts on starting this and hope it is everything that you want it to be. I am a youth pastor’s wife as well and your entries thus far are right on! smiles!
Angela | Apr 9, 2008 | Reply
Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and served in ministries for several years prior to that, both together and sperately. All of that time I have been longing for someone to understand me and to walk on this icredible (yet sometimes incredibly frustrating) journey with me. THANK YOU!!! It will be refreshing to be able to be real with someone!
Crystal Holder | Apr 9, 2008 | Reply
YAHOO!!! Someone who wears shoes that look like mine!!
I have been married to my youth pastor hubby for 14 years. 3 boys (10, 8, and 5). Ups, downs, and all-arounds, but what a ride!! Your last sentence-that we are stretched much further than most know- AMEN! Hopefully we can all do it knowing that this is the calling that God had on our lives!! 
I look forward to reading more!!
Shannon | Apr 10, 2008 | Reply
I love yor thoughts about this blog and I am sure I will come back regularly to check it out.
I do have a question though. How active are you in your husband’s ministry and how has that changed since you have had kids?
Kim | Apr 10, 2008 | Reply
So…you know your married to a youth pastor when the night before his big lock-in event you find yourself cooking up 3 huge bowls of oatmeal for the youth to stick their faces in and search for tootsie rolls!!! That is what I have been up to tonight…the things they come up with!!
Kristina | Apr 10, 2008 | Reply
Hey there! Glad to see your blog! I am a YP wife as well, one 9 month old daughter, and I stay at home with her. I have a student ministry degree, so sometimes i feel like i wasted $80,000, haha
Kelly | Apr 10, 2008 | Reply
Kim,
I am not involved with the student aspect of ministry at all. My husband has his staff meetings at our house every Friday morning and I make breakfast. I pop into the High School room on the weekends after the service with the kids. That’s it. It has changed SO much since kids. I (personally) can’t do it all, I don’t have the energy to give to my husband, my kids, and then someone else’s kids. I still feel passionate about HS students, and realize this is a season in my ministry journey, I’ll get back it the game again sometime. Now God is using me in different ways as long as I’m open to that.I love taking about this part of my ministry. I know ALL of Pastor Wives struggle through this with or without kids, what is our role? It seems it is always changing.
Amanda | Apr 11, 2008 | Reply
Great blog I hope this becomes a regular place for me to stop. I am also a YP wife. My husband has been in ministry for about 10 years, full time for 3 years. I just started getting regularly involved this year. Our three kids are now 7,5 and 2. Up until now I did have enough hours in a day to be involved other than the occasional pinch hitting chaperone. Great blog.
Kirsten | Apr 12, 2008 | Reply
Hi Everyone! My name is Sonya and I am married to a youth pastor. (Sounds like I am introducing myself at a support rehab group. (HEHE))
Anyway, it is still a little new to me unlike some of you. My husband has worked with the youth for about 3-4 years, but only recently (a little over 1 yr ago) became the youth pastor. He has a regular job – one of those 8 to 5 jobs too – Civil Engineer for the county. So he gets up before me and our girls (ages 5, 3, and 7 mon.) to study his bible and lessons and then is doing most of his stuff in the evenings and weekends. Tues. night is no plans night usually. I work 4 days a week too. So time is spread thin as I you guys know. I feel some guilt that I do not go to church as much now to try to catch up on things at home. When we both worked full time, he was a great help around the house. Now that he has two jobs, the house is more mine to keep up. I do have the blessing of having one day a week off from work (my job worked this out with me) but I still have the girls so cleaning does not happen as quickly when you have little helping hands. Sorry to go on so much….I just do not have many to talk to about this that understand. Most would look at me and my family and think we have a picture perfect life so I feel petty to go on about me. Esp. since Everyone has their situation. Please know thaT i AM NOT COMPLAINING! But, as Amanda so eloquently put it “some wonderful mentors and friends who are on a similar journey and a great sense of humor. Because if you can’t laugh at your husband and your church…you will go nuts!”
So here I am in search of wisdom and laughter. Oh how I would love to hear you guys stories!! I would love to hear more of those oatmeal/tootsie roll stories! (Which is a great idea I am going to share with my husband!) I love to laugh (especially since I do not have the best since of humor myself). I am too serious I think.
My funny for today (other than I typed this blog one handed due to a fussy baby in the other) HMMMM…..My five year old will ask where Daddy is when we are home and he isn’t. I will say that Daddy is at church. She will then smile and say is he playing with all his friends? (I think it is cute that she thinks of all the youth as a bunch of Daddy’s friends.) I say, yes he is. He sure does have a lot of friends Mommy! Everyone needs friends. Kids have a way of making life simple don’t they!
Thanks for letting me blog! God Bless!
Sonya | Apr 27, 2008 | Reply
Ummm…what about those of us who have husband’s who are married to the youth pastor?? The issues faced by any ministry spouse are tough, varied and challenging, but not limited to WOMEN married to male youth pastors…
Just something to think about.
Jan | Apr 29, 2008 | Reply
Married to a college pastor/worship leader turned seminary student (graduating in 2 weeks) who God has led to youth ministry… with 2 children, 4 yrs and 2 yrs and a baby due in September also! How funny!!
Lisa
Lisa | Apr 29, 2008 | Reply
Jan,
Absolutely true! My best friend’s husband is “married to the youth pastor”, so I kind of get it. It just happens the 99% of YP spouses are women. There was a great comment the other day by another guy who is married to the youth pastor. If your husband needs the community maybe we can be the “hook-up” for the 3 spouses to connect. Let me know if I can help.
Amanda
Amanda | Apr 29, 2008 | Reply
Prior to writing this, I needed to calm myself. The anger and offense your last post provoked was more than overwhelming.
I believe your statistics are not true. “It just happens the 99% of YP spouses are women.” So far, I have yet to find a credible survey that actually gives a number, so I question where you found yours. In my several years of YP experience, I have been involved in multiple conferences, seminaries, trainings, lay schools, and YP networks. While it may be true that there are more men than women in this profession, it is much closer to 60/40 than you would lead people to think.
As the spouse of a youth pastor, and even more – as a Christian- I would expect you to be a compassionate person. It appears the lack of compassion and ridiculous amount of sarcasm in your post is what truly offended me.
I always assumed Christians were to be compassionate and inclusive, rather than exclusive. Obviously that’s not the case here. My husband, once again, has been discriminated against.
Shelly | Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
I agree. As a youth pastor myself, I think my husband is in a special, and at times difficult place. I find myself wondering sometimes how to not place him in a position where he resents the youth ministry, because at times it runs our lives…
Jenice | Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
BYW, my response was to Jan’s comment.
Jenice | Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
Shelly,
I’m sorry you were so hurt. It has never been my intention to exclude anyone. I’m sorry you mistook some of what I said as sarcasm. I do have a sarcastic sense of humor, however, I really am passionate about God’s call on those who are married to a full-time youth minister. This blog was designed after the “married to a youth pastor” learning track (of 300 in the room, 2 were men) at the National Youth Ministry Conference. I only wanted to help the women I saw who were in tears and felt so alone. I may not be the right person to speak into the life of a husband who is married to a youth worker. Maybe from this blog you could find others in you similar situation. If I can help in any way I would be glad.
Amanda | Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
I am also a woman in youth ministry and in the area that I live there are equal numbers of men and women and I think that my husband has many of the same issues as a woman married to a yp. I just came onto this blog because it was in my group newsletter that gets emailed to me. I was disturbed by the fact that this was for yp’s wives and not just spouses in general.
Missy | Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
I am glad I found this part of the blog. I too am female and a YP. Actually my counter part (me the HS YO and her the JR High YP) are both female. I know I am called to my role as a YP but after my Bible study last night with 3 stay-at-home moms I am feeling a bit like maybe we shouldn’t be in leadership. My point is…we need our own blog, those of us that are female YP’s because we have our own specific set of challenges.
Lisa | Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
I really did not intend for this sight to be exclusively for women. It just happens that women are the only ones commenting. I would love to hear the perspective of a husband with a wife in ministry. I can’t imagine what that is like. And is seems like we might be hitting a nerve here, where the men need their own connections with other guys. Please encourage you spouses to write. It would be great to post from a male perspective. And if I can connect anyone together for support, I would be more than happy!
Amanda | Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
I am so excited to find this site. This is exactly what I need. Sometimes I feel like no one has any idea what is like to be a youth pastor’s wife. It is almost like we are married to a glorified babysitter, and what could be so hard about that? HA HA. I too am due in September, so thats awesome that we have that in common. But thank you so much for starting this blog, it is a God send.
Erin | May 7, 2008 | Reply
Thank you for this blog. I’ve only read a little and will continue as I slowly get through the older posts. My husband (HS/MS YP) saw this blog and sent me the link. We’ve only been in the ministry for a few years, this past Sunday was our one year anniversary at our church. We have three kids, 5 years, 3 years, and 5 months. I’m currently a stay at home mom, working on getting my real estate license (I know, great time to be doing this with the mortgage crisis). My husband is a part-time student in addition to his YP. Any place that has encouragement is awesome. Praise the Lord!
Beth | Jun 7, 2008 | Reply
Amanda- thank you so much for taking the time to post this blog. You are so right- it helps to have a sense of humor when my husband is in this job- and your blog as helped me realize how funny things are which, usually, I think are so not funny! Until I found your site today- I truly thought my husband was the only one who would spend our 1 year anniversary at summer camp with the youth!!! Ha ha ha… it helps to realize that’s just normal and I’m not such a saint to sacrifice that special day!!! Thanks so much for your encouragement- a number of your entries have had me laughing out loud just because of the familiarity of it! So- thanks!!!
Michele
Michele | Jul 2, 2008 | Reply
When I met my husband he was an engineer. What a good catch I thought! Boy God did a cruel trick! I fell in love with an engineer and God changed him into a youth minister! He proposed after his visit to seminary as a prospective student. I always joked that I was the financier not the fiancee’. 19 years later, 4 at seminary, 15 in full time youth ministry and 3 children, it has all worked. I was so blessed attending our first National Youth Workers conference and attending the “Help My Husband is a Youth Worker” forum nearly 10 years ago! There isn’t much out there for us wives. It does come with its own set of issues. Thank you for your blog and insights.
Dianna | Jul 16, 2008 | Reply
Hi,
I just want to say I think this is great. My husband and I have been married for all most 4 years and he has been a youth pastor for over a year and a half. I knew he was going to be one when we got married, but knowing and living it is two different things. We have went through many rough things the first few years before getting to the ministry. We can not have children of our own (rough things to go through). I am so bless God has brought us through and now I am alive to serve him. I love what we do, but at the same time I can really relate to a lot of this. I work as a full time nurse and he is paid to work part time, but really is there really part time in this?(: Church is his home. Being his wive and supporting the youth and us gets tough at times. I am so glad this is here. I am not alone. I am glad I heard about this through Dougs marriage and ministry pod cast. I look forward to more.
Thanks and God Bless
Mary | Aug 29, 2008 | Reply