As I come back from hiatus from this blog, my mind is spinning of things I want to say and so many issues I love talking about with you guys. Where to begin??
First things first. I truly struggled through this summer. Jeff traveled a lot, more than ever. I really just barely held it together for the kids. But I knew it was important for his ministry and our family and knew it was just for a short season, so I “grinned and bared” it. Then school started, and is it just our side of the world, or do your husbands disappear when September rolls around? Back to school stuff, planning small groups… etc, it seems to always be the “kick-off” or “launch” of some program in Youth Ministry. So again, since I knew it was for a short season, I (sort-of) “grinned and bared” it. Now there are some “new” things going on in ministry and I am finding that we (mostly he) are our 4-5 nights a week. I am so tired as well as our kids, I am hanging on my last, short, very thin thread. I know, as in everything this too is only for a short season. But I cannot “grin and bare” anything anymore. Something’s gotta give, and it looks like it might be my sanity! So Jeff and I have sat down and had a little “heart to heart”. (And if you know me or have read any of these blogs, you know that sounds too nice-y nice, and you’re right). We plain had it out. This girl is done. No grinning around here. Things are going to change PERIOD. The Maguire’s are getting off this crazy train.
We (Jeff and I) HAVE to take control of our schedules and family again. No more excuses of “seasons”. Something “important”, and “urgent” is always going to come up. We have to exercise our “NO”. I have to take responsibility of this as well. I let myself get lost in the shuffle. In no way is this only Jeff’s issue. I have a voice as well. And a smart brain that listens to God’s voice and can hear what’s good and bad or unhealthy for myself, my marriage, and my kids. I really got swept away (and right under the carpet).
I say this a lot… “After 14 years in full time ministry, you’d think I would have this down!”
I know it sounds crazy, but I hope this is an encouragement to you. Knowing that none of us has it all together. We are all in the same boat. I am riding through this journey right along side of you. 1 year, or 14 years, or 30 years, its all wisdom, joys, and pains to be shared.
I DO love this journey. God has shown me a lot about my character through all of this. And I have rediscovered that I miss, and LOVE encouraging you through your wonderful, amazing, difficult, stretching, awesome journey of ministry as well!