I LOVE when this comes up….
I LOVE the honesty that presents itself when discussing this….
I LOVE the tension that some of us will feel…
I LOVE that this IS real…
And I LOVE that there is no right answer for this…

(a question that is frequently posted, let’s talk)…

Wonder if you love your husband, and support your husband, but do not share so much of that love for students?

What would you share with another youth pastor’s wife, or what personal story do you have? What happens?

As I come back from hiatus from this blog, my mind is spinning of things I want to say and so many issues I love talking about with you guys. Where to begin??
First things first. I truly struggled through this summer. Jeff traveled a lot, more than ever. I really just barely held it together for the kids. But I knew it was important for his ministry and our family and knew it was just for a short season, so I “grinned and bared” it. Then school started, and is it just our side of the world, or do your husbands disappear when September rolls around? Back to school stuff, planning small groups… etc, it seems to always be the “kick-off” or “launch” of some program in Youth Ministry. So again, since I knew it was for a short season, I (sort-of) “grinned and bared” it. Now there are some “new” things going on in ministry and I am finding that we (mostly he) are our 4-5 nights a week. I am so tired as well as our kids, I am hanging on my last, short, very thin thread. I know, as in everything this too is only for a short season. But I cannot “grin and bare” anything anymore. Something’s gotta give, and it looks like it might be my sanity! So Jeff and I have sat down and had a little “heart to heart”. (And if you know me or have read any of these blogs, you know that sounds too nice-y nice, and you’re right). We plain had it out. This girl is done. No grinning around here. Things are going to change PERIOD. The Maguire’s are getting off this crazy train.

We (Jeff and I) HAVE to take control of our schedules and family again. No more excuses of “seasons”. Something “important”, and “urgent” is always going to come up. We have to exercise our “NO”. I have to take responsibility of this as well. I let myself get lost in the shuffle. In no way is this only Jeff’s issue. I have a voice as well. And a smart brain that listens to God’s voice and can hear what’s good and bad or unhealthy for myself, my marriage, and my kids. I really got swept away (and right under the carpet).

I say this a lot… “After 14 years in full time ministry, you’d think I would have this down!”

I know it sounds crazy, but I hope this is an encouragement to you. Knowing that none of us has it all together. We are all in the same boat. I am riding through this journey right along side of you. 1 year, or 14 years, or 30 years, its all wisdom, joys, and pains to be shared.
I DO love this journey. God has shown me a lot about my character through all of this. And I have rediscovered that I miss, and LOVE encouraging you through your wonderful, amazing, difficult, stretching, awesome journey of ministry as well!

There are a lot of changes happening in our student ministries right now. In the midst of the crazy summer so many other components are moving in different directions. Many of the changes are great, and needed. And it will be exciting to see how God will unfold all that we have been praying for.
But there are a few changes that I (as the wife) do not like so much and don’t understand. It is these changes that I don’t know what to say, and not say, and just what to do. My pride wants to shout at my husband, “Hey, did ya think it all through? Are ya real, REAL sure about that one?!” And my favorite, “Listen to me, listen to me, just listen to me!” BUT…..I know I shouldn’t.

I don’t know if I’m alone on this one, or what?? Anyone else fear change as much as me? I totally trust my husband and his call to this ministry. I do believe he is brilliant and gifted and a wonderful leader. Buuutttttt, what do you do when you don’t agree with it all??
Nothing?
Pray?
Vent, and visit this site?

I did take a big step (for me) this weekend. Our Pastor asked us to choose one area in which we would come to God daily for the summer and ask his guidance. I was certain that I was going to ask for wisdom concerning all these changes happening for us in ministry. That I would pray right along side Jeff for all that is to come in this season… But I’m not. I will leave that for Jeff and God.

I am praying for rest.
“Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Mt. 11:28)
I am tired.
I am lonely from this summer (already).
I need rest.
And (I’m convinced) not just a nap. I need a rest for my soul. A rest that I can only imagine can come from God. I will be praying daily for rest this summer. I cannot wait to discover what that kind of rest feels like! And leave the other stuff for someone else…

I think I added some pictures onto the last post! The Oscar meyer wienermobile came to our house last week! It was hilarious! We even got to take a ride. So I think that’s what got posted??
I think I figured out at least how to post pictures that I take with my phone. I am WAY smarter than I give myself credit for. Wish I could see what I did

Now, I just added this wordpress ap to my phone so I can try to post from it. We will see how this works. I am a horrible texter and hate, passionately typing from this tiny little keyboards. Sobthis will definitely keep my babbling to a minimum. And if there are typos let’s just pretend it’s our little game that you have to guess what I am meaning to say cuz if I have to keep pressing the delete button…I’m screwed. And when I post from my phone I don’t know how to add any cute little pictures. Anyone smart enough to explain that to me??
But what I have been really curious about and want to hear from you is what does this summer look like for you and your family? What is your husbands schedule? Usually this is “our” (youth ministry) biggest busiest season. Our husband are gone and coo coo and the rest I’d the church is just that – resting!
It’s hard to find some support and sympathy
I would love to hear all abou it!

Do you believe that God can resurrect a computer from the dead?
I’m writing really fast without really any purpose because, I can!
About a month ago (obviously) my computer totally crashed and its been sitting out on the kitchen table and I would try to “fiddle” with it , if you will. I mean what the heck do I know about computers! But in the mean time my husband has tried to fix ANYTHING else besides this computer. I think he is scared to face the truth that I need a new one.
Anyway, I came down from taking a shower just now and my kid was playing a game on this computer! My 6 year old fixed it?? (Or the Lord??)
I miss you guys
So much has been happening, just as I am sure your house-holds are crazy busy with summertime here, no school for the kiddos, husbands leaving and gone more. Sooooo much to talk about it.

What are you guys thinking about as summer is here?

Jeff recently has been traveling quite a bit. From conferences to camps. And this last trip just really threw me for a loop. It was a last minute trip that took him away for a week. I know its hard to be a single parent and away from our husbands for any period of time. But this trip I was really mad about. To put it bluntly, I was pissed. I couldn’t get excited for him to go, I couldn’t send him off well, and I couldn’t talk to him the entire time he was gone. He texted me and I responded a few times, but I even asked for him not to call because it was too hard to talk to him on the phone. I was obviously really emotional about him being gone.? I had to really think about why it bothered me so much. And I figured it out!….

He didn’t INCLUDE me. Not that I wasn’t invited to go with him (I wasn’t, but I couldn’t have gone anyway. That didn’t hurt my feelings.), but most of the time I get a “say” in when trip and even camps happen. At least a discussion or notice about it. Jeff respectfully comes to me and we match up our calendars and I can have a “say” in some of his scheduling of events. Not all, and sometimes if I say “no” he needs to say “yes”, and we discuss each event that may take him away from me and the kids. But this trip was just decided without me and being last minute didn’t help either. I was actually told by another staff member that plane tickets had been purchased for this trip and the days and time they were leaving, not even my own husband bothered to tell me. (Husbands reading this… NOT GOOD).

So because I wasn’t able to process this trip it could only seem like a burden to me. I could find no joy in what this trip might mean for Jeff and his team. Such a bummer!

Ughhh, it was exhausting. exhausting to do it all alone, and exhausting to be that mad all week. It still amazes me after all these years of doing youth ministry together how we forget the simplest details that we have known forever!!

If you know someone who doesn’t know God, give them one of these babies and they will know there is a God who loves them.

Recipe:

Preheat oven to 350

bring 2 cups brown sugar and 2 sticks butter to a boil for 5 minutes, stirring the whole time.

Spread out saltine crackers salty side down over a cookie sheet (preferably one with sides.)

Pour brown sugar/butter mixture over crackers and spread around evenly.

Sprinkle about 1-2 cups of chocolate chips (depending on how chocolatey you like it) on the top.

Put in oven for about 5 minutes.

Take out spread smushy chocolate around, lick the spoon!

They are really good warm, but your suppose to put them in the fridge until they harden and then crack them up and eat with a tall glass of milk.

You will probably start to sing, “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty…” as you eat them.

(I’m sure there are lots of different versions of this recipe out there.)

Just something else I’ve been up to

My husband chooses fruits, I choose chocolates. He eats spinach, I eat cookies. He loves fresh fish, I love pizza….. But I ran a half marathon (kicked some bootey), and he didn’t. I don’t want to brag or anything… (maybe a little) .

Just something I’ve been up to lately.

I’m telling you, if the cacao bean or coffee bean was considered a true “protein”. I would be the perfect picture of health.

Thinking this morning about how God loves me. Just me. As a mom, and a wife, a pastor’s wife, a church volunteer, and a friend. Its hard not to think of “others” when reading, or praying, or singing about God’s love for us. But this morning (and recently, since Good Friday to be exact) I have really been trying to think selfishly of God’s love. Of a picture in my mind of just me and the love of Christ. Only me. A lone me. No one else in that picture except me. Just like my own kids, sometimes they want to be the only child. They want to have “alone time” not having to share space with another sibling. I need that too, I guess. Time in my soul not having to be thankful for God loving anyone else but me. Sounds so selfish doesn’t it, a little immature?? Don’t get me wrong I am thrilled to my core for God’s love for my children, husband, students, and friends!! I am bursting to know when I look at my kids faces that someone loves them more deeply and intimately than I do! But I also thrive on the thought and feel overwhelmed that if it were just me, only me, a lone me, Jesus would still save me, and no matter how old I get or how many children I have My God still holds me like a child. So when I sing “Thank you for loving me”, “Thank you for healing me”, “Thank you for saving me”, “Thank you for hearing me” I feel more connected to my God and friend who is with me and would be with me alone…. it’s personal.