So I’m working on my last half of a nerve, but luckily Jeff is coming home today!! I can barely remember what we were fighting about before he left (except that it is the post right before this). I’m just so glad to see him. His bus was suppose to come in around 4pm, the kids and I had a great plan to meet him at the church and take him to dinner for a welcome home surprise! But they were late leaving camp and won’t be in til 7pm, so we changed up our plans and will bring dinner to church and play til dad rolls in…good plan. Well, the traffic is bad it will be after 8pm. Okay, okay we will have our dinner and just play til he comes in and then take him home and go to bed. No problem. AND the bus breaks down so it will be well after 11pm.(uughh) New plan, on my own for dinner, baths, bedtime again and, “Welcome home dad! We are all asleep!”
Awesome!

This is the brutal truth…
This post is not for the faint of heart…
As we were pre-camp send off, Jeff was feeling the stress and I was anticipating the long week ahead with two kids and a teething (non-sleeping) baby. Neither of us were in the best of moods. We got ready for bed and I asked Jeff if he could wake up with the baby in the middle of the night this last time even though he had to leave by 5am to go to camp. He hesitantly agreed and we went to sleep for a little while to be awakened at 1am, he got up, fed the baby and put him back to bed still awake and crabby. Both of us awake and mad I express to him just how mad I am at him for not putting the baby back to sleep. So I get up to go rock the baby and continue to express my unpleasant feelings knowing he can hear me in the monitor, I may have cussed a little. Baby asleep by 3:15am, back to bed with a large thump to startle Jeff awake so he knows what time it is. 3:45am awakened AGAIN by the snoring of my lovely husband! I am so so mad I throw the covers off and hit him in the face with a pillow, accidentally. He sits up, “What happened?” I again express my mad feelings by storming out of the room saying something like, “I hate your guts!” (So mature I know) And I sleep in the big kids room. I wake up at 6:00am to baby crying and husband gone to camp.

What a night! And what a great send off for my husband… See you in a week!

Now, I know how important it is to have Jeff know that I support him even when its hard. Last night was hard. And I obviously didn’t do a very good job showing him that I loved and supported him. Please do not send me advice and scripture about how God tells us not to let the sun set on our anger…. I know that too. I feel awful.

Not a pretty picture and nothing is tied up in a bow. Jeff is at camp and we really won’t be able to resolve anything til he gets back. Such a bummer!

There is a real picture of someone in the “business” for 14 years and still doesn’t have it all together!

I really do super love my husband and love that he gets to pour into the lives of students! I am glad that he gets to go to camp because I know he loves this part of his job the most.

I know we will make it through this week and I know we will resolve everything…

Forgiveness and grace are great.

One more summer event, ladies! I see the finish line ahead. It feels like I have been running a marathon this summer, holding one more kids than last year, its been a long haul. Back to back camps and events that I have not been able to take part in, and a “family” vacation/visit I had to do (mostly) alone this year, it has not been easy. (My biggest excuse for not blogging so much, sorry!)

I seem to always naively look forward to the summer months in May. I think of warm lazy days, sitting by the pool or beach, a simple family picnic with everyone in matching clean clothes quietly eating and singing praises of how clever mom is for organizing such peaceful and meaningful time together.

NOT.

It NEVER seems to pan out that way!

So now that I am approaching the finish line of summer I am looking forward… forward to school starting, forward to crazy weeks that Jeff will be home, forward to Monday spaghetti dinners with the masses, forward to predictable week days, and forward to weekends that are busy but the same. I LOVE a good schedule. I love knowing what the day will bring. I love to plan, and keep the plan!

I know we all have horror stories and amazing stories of how we survived our summers . I don’t want to ignore that fact that as women we need some time to process through that…

But I want to know what you are looking FORWARD to. What’s coming up for you? What do you love most about summer being over, and the new school year ahead?

At a Biblestudy I did a long time ago we did “2 Highs and a Low” each time we met. (I’m sure its not anything you haven’t heard of). It was a little corney, but a great way to start the group and remember great things about our week that are easily forgotten while getting swept away with the daily routine. I thought since summer was in full swing we could share our own “2 Highs and a Low” about how we are all surviving these crazy, busy days.

I’ll go first:
High #1: Jeff and I have made our best effort yet to put some alone time on the calendar, get a babysitter and go out on a date. It has really made me feel better about the time when he is gone.
High#2: My oldest started soccer this summer and I have had the best time going to practices and watching him while I kick the ball around with my daughter on the side lines. It has been really fun!
Low: So many of my friends have been on vacation and not around, so it has felt a little lonely, as much fun as I am having with the kids I do miss the school year routine, and predictability of my days (part of my personality).

You go…

Now, I know money can be a very touchy subject and really a very subjective issue depending on where in the country (or world) you live. And just to get this obvious statement out of the way…NONE OF US ARE DOING THIS FOR THE MONEY (or we are not very smart). I am guessing most of us are in the category of over worked and under paid. But that can look very different at certain churches. A friend that reads this blog recently brought up a really interesting situation… She and her husband serve at a very affluent church and are in the over worked and under paid category. I actually can relate to this being in the same shoes. I am assuming that if compared, their paycheck may be a bit larger than some of ours (not that it matters), but when you are living “with the Jones’” and in a very expensive area to be near the church you are called to serve, how do you survive those crazy the financial waters? It is just a wierd place to be caught up in that kind of mix. We serve at a church that when you pull into the parking lot there will surely be 50 Porshe Sports cars,? and a few Fararri’s? sprinkled in between the Hummers. It’s a pretty fun feeling when the 16 year olds in your ministry drive far and away nicer cars than your 1992 Toyota Corola! It is an interesting struggle to face each week. I know we are grown adults and it is easy to say, “Don’t get caught up in financial matters.” Or, “Where you heart is there your treasure will be…”? All are true. But sometimes I feel more human than spiritual. Sometimes I wish I could shop at the stores that our congregation shop at. (Although, most from our church would never shop at Walmart and don’t even know where it is, they don’t know where I buy my super cute clothes). I do wish we had a nicer car. When a student has to get out of their convertible Audi and crawl into my awesome minivan, I can laugh it off most of the time. Oh, I just am admitting that I get the “I want, I want, I wants”. Its not a great feeling or one I like to linger in, but it does happen. My friend and I can’t be alone can we?

What do some of you do with those feelings?

How do you shop so you don’t feel like a poor church mouse? Hints? Tips? Great deals and steals (don’t really steal).

Practical money advice?

Just experienced “attending” church for the first time in a very long time. I came, brought my kids and was the one being ministered to. No strings attached, no one seemed to care who I was or my husband. I was in,? literally, a sea of others attending. VBS. It was so great. My kid had a blast and all week was just about fun, learning about Jesus, and hanging out. No pressures of church talk, numbers, elders, messages, volunteers. I had no part in this. No planning. No volunteering. Nothing. It was refreshing and restored my optomism of the church I love, and the family God has called to serve.

Those were the words that were stated at a church we use to work at.? And is what any church in America would say. I wish it felt true. It seems now more than ever, in our ministry, numbers matter.

“How many do you have in your youth group?”

“How many came to the weekend service?”

“How many showed up at mid-week?”

How many, how many, how many? That’s all we are hearing around here. Does it matter? Yes. On one hand I understand that numbers can reflect growth and health. But I also understand the “elders” (or whatever they are called at your church) deciding a number that they think should be attending and holding an unrealistic and not to mention unhealthy expectation over the youth staff’s head is crazy. I know my husband has spent a lot of time refocusing our youth group to bring it to a more healthy place for the students and the staff. Unfortunately the “powers that be” aren’t saying, “Wow what a happy, healthy youth group you have here!” “More students are serving now, than ever.” “More students are plugged into a small group more than ever.”? What they are saying is, “Wow, these numbers aren’t climbing like they used to. What’s wrong?” (Barf.)? It is so hard to win. More games, more concerts, more events, more camps…that’ll reach ‘em! Run your staff so ragged that they don’t have time for their families, make them so tired they question their call into ministry. What a great idea, all in the name of more numbers!

Wouldn’t it be great and so refreshing to get back to the basic thought of, its the people that matter, not the numbers. Because if our people (including students, staff, and families) are taken care of don’t you think the rest will fall into place?

(Sorry for the soap-box-speech)

Angelina had a great question, that we ask ourselves in ministry time and time again. The neverending question:? “You want to give your best to the church and youth group and it seems like more is expected but you want to be a healthy family also….How do you deal with that?

Sometimes life can get so hectic in ministry. You know, it really goes in seasons. And I can (most of the time) keep a clear head about me knowing the big picture that this too shall pass and there will be a peaceful time again. But my kids, as expected, are not the same. Recently there has been so much happening I have been bringing my kids to appropriate events, BBQ’s, game nights, dinners, etc., that they might think were fun and would get to see dad. After a few weeks of “fun” we were about to go to a family church BBQ to meet up with Jeff and my 5 year old son did not want to go. He was so sad about it. So I tried to tell him it would be fun for him, he would get to see daddy and other friends and we would all be together.

In his ever so wise 5 year old voice he says, “Daddy is there, but he can’t be with me.”

Oooh!!! So true. I didn’t think of it in the perspective of a 5 year old. It has to be pretty confusing to see daddy “playing” with other kids and not always available for his own. So as parents we will have to change things up a bit. Not go to so many “fun” events. We will work it out. I’m not too worried about the long term effects. But his words have really stayed with me this week. What a powerful sentence.

“You are there, but you can’t be with me.”

Does this statement trickle into any other parts of my world? Yes. I unfortunately think so. Not just with my kids sometimes, but with my relationship with my husband, relationships with friends, and my relationship with God. There are definitly times that life is going so fast, fun or not, that I am present, but not available. I would like to change that up a bit.

Just feeling a little sentimental…my first post a little more than a year ago, we’ve come so far. It has been so fun to see how God has grown this community of youth pastor’s wives. It has been such a blessing and encouragement to me to get to know all of you!

No, I didn’t think this through! Had I made a pro/con list, there is a good likely hood it wouldn’t have happened (sort of sarcastic). I was in full time ministry for a few years before we got married, so I kinda knew what I was in for. We got married and someone had to get a real job…me.

Then we started having kids, Dylan 4, Molly 2, and baby #3 on the way (due in September). So my ministry journey has been a roller coaster, but whose ministry journey isn’t? This is a crazy business being married to a youth pastor. Luckily, I have some wonderful mentors and friends who are on a similar journey and a great sense of humor. Because if you can’t laugh at your husband and your church…you will go nuts!

My hope for this blog is that it be a place for youth pastors’ wives to visit and laugh, and relate to these entries. I would love for this to become a little community where we can encourage each other through comments and even emails. I also pray that this would be a tool for us to learn from others who are on the same journey even though our stories are so different. I am not an expert but I am passionate about our calling. We are stretched much further than most know and are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

My hope and prayer for this blog remains the same.

Love you guys!

Amanda

So, we’re at the church campus Sunday afternoon with a friend. Just my kids and her kids. It’s awhile after the services, and we are just hanging out on the lawn. Our church happens to have a huge, like 50 ft., Christmas tree planted in the main lawn for ya know, Christmas. Anyway, my friend and I are chatin’ it up and in the nearish distance we hear two older ladies yelling/disciplining in firm voices, “You stop that!” “You boys know better.” (and the famous) “Where are you mothers?” …Oh crap.? We immediately stop talking and search for our boys hoping these voices are not reffering to our little angels, but knowing in our hearts they probably were. We glance around to see 3 little familiar boy butts, the back of 3 heads 1 brown hair, and 2 blonde facing the Christmas tree giving the tree, uhmmm a little water? We did not want to own up to it that those were our children. The thought crossed our minds to just do nothing as if they belonged to someone else until one of the ladies said, “That looks like Pastor Maguire’s son, he was in a video at church?”? Identified. Ah man!

Lesson- Don’t put your kids faces up in big church, then you have to own it.

SO embarassing!

Got anything better?