For us it’s extra complicated because my husband and I are both youth pastors (he works for the church and I work for a parachurch organization). We’re not blessed with kids yet, and for a long time I think everyone at church (maybe even myself, if I’m honest) has assumed that I should be super-volunteer because I’m trained in the field and I have nothing else to do with my free time. I’m just starting to acknowledge that family (kids or no kids) is a minstry in itself. I’ve started being honest with people at church about needing to be at home more so that my husband and I can both have quality, stress-free time together which will enable him to go out and minister to their kids, and most people seem to respect that.

So in the end maybe a little honesty is a good thing!

Now that I’m done talking about how I try to sensitively give anyone a word of advise or an opinion I would like to comment on what you were talking about with this lady. I myself am a Christian schoolteacher without children, but I imagine I will myself get the third degree if I have children and do not enroll them at the school I teach at. While I think the school is a valid ministry I don’t believe it is 100% focused on ministry such as other ministries, so it makes it hard for me to say that sending my kid to a Christian school is keeping the only good ministry going. Most Christian schools end up absorbing other ministry funds to reach out to those who could not afford going to the school (also for maintenance and keeping all of the staff), and nobody is going to turn away students who can’t afford to go to the school (or turn a blind eye to needed maintenance, or really hopefully not fire a fellow called worker at the school) , so many of the members at the church are annoyed with the school for depleting the other ministry’s funds, thereby setting a picture that the school is a more important ministry than other ministries currently happening at the church. Don’t get me wrong I love the school I work for and most of the students here don’t go to church, so morning Bible study may be the only Word of God those student’s may hear in a life time, but the systems and politics all seem to go crazy and get a little touchy when it comes to setting priority on ministry for just the church or just the school (or even both).
My husband once said how much time does the school spend purely toward focusing on ministry…. now measure that with how much efforts any one church board focuses on ministry and then tell me who comes out ahead, so that’s where I get the figures for the school not focusing 100% on ministry. I usually try not to mess with that kind of crazy(politics that is), but some people don’t understand why others get crazy about that kind of stuff. Since I see both sides of the coin I try not to lean towards one side more than another, but I have a hard time arguing with my husband and his logic some days. Sorry this is so long, but I’m glad you brought up this touchy subject so that I can talk about it with other people than just my youth pastor of a husband. I hope I did not offend anyone, I am just sharing experiences and observations.