Comments on: Birthing another baby…

By: Amanda (but not the official one)

Amanda (but not the official one) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 14:13:42 +0000

I think another aspect that makes it difficult is who do you share your frustrations with?

That’s why I read this blog whenever I can… At least here we are all free to “bemoan” youth ministry together…knowing at the same time we all feel blessed beyond measure to be a part of what God is doing in our students…

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 02:38:28 +0000

Hi this is the first time I post a comment… I have been following your blog for a while now and just wanted to say thank you for being so transparent. My husband and I got married about 6 months ago & man we do so much for being newly-weds. We pastor about 300 youth every Wednesday & our church just bought us a beautiful facility but on weekends we are lead pastors of a daughter church apart from our main sanctuary. We also have several programs for the community and are launching campus ministries here in our area. Sometimes I think no one understands the weight that we carry and I sometimes I don’t understand it myself. But hearing your stories helps me now that I’m not alone. I can just imagine how it is with having children. Kuddos to you… many of them. Again, thank you.

By: Kristi

Kristi — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:23:18 +0000

I can really say I have soooo been there (and will be more in the future, I’m sure!). Especially (like Monica) when people say, “Wow – I didn’t know your husband works during the summer, too. What does he do all day?!” Am I wrong for absolutely wanting to SCREAM a response back at them? As you all know, youth pastors sacrifice soo much time to do their job well. Family time suffers, alone time suffers (I can’t remember the last time my husband did something BY HIMSELF). So, when people assume he has nothing to do, it is so completely the opposite of reality that I just can’t believe that they think this! I’ve thought before that I would love my husband to make a video diary of just one day in his life. Then somehow require all church members watch it. That would be the last time we hear, “What does he do all day?”!
However, I’m soo thankful that my husband gets to do what he was called to do & created for. And he gets paid for it! I, like Amanda, must remember the maaaaaany more blessings than “downers” in youth ministry. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not alone in this!

By: Cara

Cara — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:44:29 +0000

Hmm, maybe we won’t have kids. Just kidding!

By: Kimberly Bowers

Kimberly Bowers — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 18:03:21 +0000

I understand your frustration. When I had my second my first was only 17month old and there were many nights daddy was gone with students. It was really hard and I wanted him home like a family should be. At that time there were a few high school girls who I trusted and had developed a good relationship with. They would, one at a time because that was all I could handle, come over on the nights my husband was gone and help me do laundry, have “adult conversations” with me, help put my oldest to bed when I needed to nurse my newborn and other things. At the time I was thinking how it was great for me and I looked forward to it. But by the time they graduated and my boys got older and things got easier I realized that I was doing ministry as they would talk about what was going on in thier lives while we did laundry, or I would challenge them on how they were treating thier parents.

I guess why I tell you this is, it was good for me to have the help because that was part of why I was frustrated with my huband or the situation. But I guess what blesssed me more was also having the opportunity to minister to the girls who helped me too.

Remember this is a season of your life, it will pass you by, don’t get caught up in the things you cannot control and do not like and enjoy your new little one, the times you do get to have your husband home. And one day you will look back and laugh at how crazy life was and how you made it through with God by your side.

By: Dianna

Dianna — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 23:14:27 +0000

Hang in there ladies it does get better. I didn’t believe it when other moms told me, but it is true, time goes fast. My oldest just went to college this fall! Remarkably my husband has been a youth minister for 15 years at the same church! They get older and then join his youth group then you can actually be home on a youth group night alone! Peace! Relish the flexibility of his job. I bet he can occassionally take a day of during the week, or atleast part of a day. He probably can attend most of the kids programs at school that many other dads miss. Think of the men at church who have demanding jobs yet still volunteer at church, deacons, etc…and devote many hours on top of their jobs. Trust me, I still sometimes wallow in my own pity moments, I have gone to most parent/teacher conferences solo because our school system seems to always have them on Wednesday nights, I rarely sit with my husband at church. A friend from a different church was bemoaning the fact she didn’t get to take communion with her husband last week because he was playing in the band, I couldn’t remember the last time I did get to. But I guess a few times I have had the priviledge of him serving it to me. That is special. Amanda you are blessed to have a church with that many resources. My husband just sat through an intense deacon’s meeting with the youth program taken to task. We have had a struggle with the “church” kids not attending the youth program. He has a great outreach to the unchurched kids in the neighborhood. When he put it on paper he saw it wasn’t as bad as he thought–28 church kids attend, 8 do not. Mostly homeschooled ones (sorry if I offend anyone here). It has even been mentioned having two seperate (not senior high/junior high, we have that, homeschool/public school)youth groups! Absurd! One deacon was especially adversarial. Even mentioned “we pay your salary” type stuff…nasty. Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on so long. Thanks for letting me vent. Peace!

By: Lorrie

Lorrie — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 17:04:39 +0000

Oh my gosh… DO I EVER know what you mean? My hubby is a Youth Pastor for a tiny rural church where tithing is minimal and so is space to meet. The Senior Pastor’s salary is so tiny that he and his wife do odd jobs to pay their bills. My hubby’s position is not a paid position so he works full time as a plumber to pay our bills. After he works a 8+ hours day, we head the 40 miles out to our church 3 times a week. Time is definitely consumed!!

By: Monica

Monica — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 15:50:56 +0000

Hi Amanda,
I feel your pain! It seems that the more our husbands do for the church kids, the less they are there for us, and it seems so unfair. I am genuinely excited for him and for the church because it is all “good” stuff, but it is so hard to give up my husband for that. Before we had kids, I just jumped in there with him, but now it just feels like me and the kids are left behind sometimes, and I have to put on this encouraging supportive face and pray so hard that resentment for the church will not overtake me!
One thing we have begun doing to combat the time deficit is making mornings our together time as a family. Although there is lots of work for my hubby to do during the day (which I get asked about so often by church people with incredulous looks–”you mean, he works ALL DAY too?? What does he do all day?!?”), it is not pressing for him to be at church until 8:30 or 9:00. And since our kids wake up between 6 and 7, that’s almost 3 hours we have together, so we make the most of it. It’s a great way to start our day together. My husband has just been involved in a new youth center opening up in our community as well (part of many churches), and although he’s been gone more at nights because of it, we’ve also taken the kids there a few times when it’s empty and they love it, so we figure it’s one more “free” fun place to take the kids. Just another spin on perspective…
Anyways, blessings on you. I pray that you will make it through these early months with your baby without too much stress or frustration. They are not always easy times. Hang in there!

By: Christy Sellers

Christy Sellers — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 15:46:16 +0000

Wow, it looks like we all understand each other. I also just had our 3rd baby on 8/8/08 and I am feeling the same way. Sundays and Wednesdays are so hard. Right now, we don’t even attend worship together. It’s frustrating and then, I feel guilty for feeling frustrated. I am struggling with feeling like I’m doing all the “home” stuff alone. The kids are with me all the time and Daddy’s always at church. I also struggle with feeling disconnected from my husband in ministry…the ministry we used to do together. God has been continuously reminding me that my ministry is at home now and all the other will still be there when my kids are older and don’t need my attention quite as much. It is so comforting to know I’m not alone through all of this. Thanks for your thoughts!

By: Crystal

Crystal — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:38:15 +0000

We, too, opened our new student building last week, so I feel your pain. For the last year I have had even less of my hubby. Even when we are together that is where his mind is. We also had to add more services. This is such an exciting time and I am pumped to see who God is going to bring us and how He is going to move. However, I do desperately want my husband back. With the new building comes new expectations from parents and students, but it didn’t come with more staff. It is still just Bryan to deal with the 200+ students and the programing that their families expect. Boy, ministry is such a blessing and a curse!