Comments on: Here’s another something… http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html Youth pastor's and ministers wives community and resources. Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:07:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.4 By: Ann http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1541 Ann Sun, 11 Oct 2009 02:22:15 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1541 Lourdes, I know that the issue of the yp being the son of the senior pastor has come up on here before. You might want to look back at some of the older posts. If I am remembering correctly several people responded. Lourdes,

I know that the issue of the yp being the son of the senior pastor has come up on here before. You might want to look back at some of the older posts. If I am remembering correctly several people responded.

]]> By: lourdes http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1531 lourdes Fri, 09 Oct 2009 23:01:22 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1531 I know that its been awhile since you posted this blog but I'm a newbie and just read through it. I am going through something like this...its actually been going on for sometime. I am not yet married but have been dating my future husband for 4 years, he is the youth pastor in our church and I help him out. The senior pastors in our church are his parents and this makes it even harder. I feel like they expect too much from my fh (future hubby) and went he doesn't do what they consider "good" they pound on him. I feel very unhappy and sometimes I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and even think about not even getting married. Sometimes its so hard to serve with a happy heart where God has placed you. HELP!!! I know that its been awhile since you posted this blog but I’m a newbie and just read through it. I am going through something like this…its actually been going on for sometime. I am not yet married but have been dating my future husband for 4 years, he is the youth pastor in our church and I help him out. The senior pastors in our church are his parents and this makes it even harder. I feel like they expect too much from my fh (future hubby) and went he doesn’t do what they consider “good” they pound on him. I feel very unhappy and sometimes I feel like I’m at the end of my rope and even think about not even getting married. Sometimes its so hard to serve with a happy heart where God has placed you. HELP!!!

]]> By: Kristy http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1308 Kristy Fri, 05 Jun 2009 21:07:28 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1308 I wanted to explode at our old youth board director when he told me to pass a few messages to my husband taht were very negative, but in that moment God had me pity that man instead of killing him, and I shared with him that I thought he was negative because he didn't know my husband very well and he didn't know ministry very well. I talked through more than half of the church service I was suppose to attend with my husband testifying what I had learned about ministry and my husband, and he melted. I wouldn't say that man is completely changed or anything, but I think the Spirit moved through me to plant the seed of ministry in that man to keep the youth group going with God's agenda, and not man's. I say he's our old board pres. because we moved, and the youth group was not planing on fulfilling the needs of that age group, but I hear now they are trying...thank God I wanted to explode at our old youth board director when he told me to pass a few messages to my husband taht were very negative, but in that moment God had me pity that man instead of killing him, and I shared with him that I thought he was negative because he didn’t know my husband very well and he didn’t know ministry very well. I talked through more than half of the church service I was suppose to attend with my husband testifying what I had learned about ministry and my husband, and he melted. I wouldn’t say that man is completely changed or anything, but I think the Spirit moved through me to plant the seed of ministry in that man to keep the youth group going with God’s agenda, and not man’s. I say he’s our old board pres. because we moved, and the youth group was not planing on fulfilling the needs of that age group, but I hear now they are trying…thank God

]]> By: Kristy http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1307 Kristy Fri, 05 Jun 2009 21:00:55 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1307 That's funny you should mention that. I was in that spot in northern California, and even though we moved to northern Washington there are still massive amounts of painful reminders ripling through our synod nationally because of what we have went through. My husband had a dual Call to both music and youth, but the church had removed his music portion of the Call to make sure he was humbled...then the church was taking a hit and needed to completely lay off 2 staff members. We were basically told go or get the can. Now that the state of California is declaring bankrupcy the rest of the youth pastors of my old synod are worried that what happened with us will happen to them. How can someone unCall a person when it's a Call from God not people they asked. So, the synod replied that in a pinch the only people they legally recognize as Called is the Senoir Pastor on the staff. That allows the church to lay off all staff except the Senoir Pastor without our synod needing to step in to intervien or circumvent. My husband and I worry for friends we know recently married or are expecting twins with that district continuing to feel the crunch. This is tough. I pray for them all the time. That’s funny you should mention that. I was in that spot in northern California, and even though we moved to northern Washington there are still massive amounts of painful reminders ripling through our synod nationally because of what we have went through. My husband had a dual Call to both music and youth, but the church had removed his music portion of the Call to make sure he was humbled…then the church was taking a hit and needed to completely lay off 2 staff members. We were basically told go or get the can. Now that the state of California is declaring bankrupcy the rest of the youth pastors of my old synod are worried that what happened with us will happen to them. How can someone unCall a person when it’s a Call from God not people they asked. So, the synod replied that in a pinch the only people they legally recognize as Called is the Senoir Pastor on the staff. That allows the church to lay off all staff except the Senoir Pastor without our synod needing to step in to intervien or circumvent. My husband and I worry for friends we know recently married or are expecting twins with that district continuing to feel the crunch. This is tough. I pray for them all the time.

]]> By: Jen http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1290 Jen Wed, 20 May 2009 17:34:23 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1290 So apparently, I am not as Godly as all of you!! I am definitely WAY more assertive than my husband and so when my husband was deeply hurt by the sr. pastor I did "storm the pastor's office". Ok...not really. I sent an email (which I actually despise people doing...ironic). It wasn't angry, it just simply explained how hurt we were and did he really mean those things he said? And I went on to say how dedicated and passionate my husband is and how used he felt. The result? The next day the sr. pastor profusely apologized to my husband and the relationship was restored. Did I do the wrong thing? I struggle a lot with letting my husband be the leader and this may be a prime example of the same. Does anyone else feel this way? Do you think what I did undermined my husband's leadership? So apparently, I am not as Godly as all of you!! I am definitely WAY more assertive than my husband and so when my husband was deeply hurt by the sr. pastor I did “storm the pastor’s office”. Ok…not really. I sent an email (which I actually despise people doing…ironic). It wasn’t angry, it just simply explained how hurt we were and did he really mean those things he said? And I went on to say how dedicated and passionate my husband is and how used he felt.
The result? The next day the sr. pastor profusely apologized to my husband and the relationship was restored.
Did I do the wrong thing? I struggle a lot with letting my husband be the leader and this may be a prime example of the same. Does anyone else feel this way? Do you think what I did undermined my husband’s leadership?

]]> By: Lori http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1270 Lori Thu, 14 May 2009 04:09:12 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1270 This is in response to Katie's post on April 22nd. Katie, I feel your pain. My husband and I dated long distance so I only moved to his town when we got engaged. There was a particularly difficult female intern on his staff that made it clear, in a passive aggressive way, that I was not welcome. My fiance at the time did the same as yours and offered to have a conversation for me but I didn't want to open a can of worms. I won't say the first year was easy. I slowly set boundaries, and looking back wish I would have stood up for myself a little more. But I was coming in brand new and thought I'd never make friends that way. If you want to talk to her, I'd approach it humbly and ask, "I feel like I may have done something to offend you. Is there anything we need to get out on the table so we can better work together?" That puts the ball in her court and if it's really just her issue then she'll have to acknowledge it. All that to say, I continually gave the situation to the Lord. I have now seen a pattern where, in His timing, He has had a way of removing those difficult people from our lives through various circumstances. After awhile she, and any others having a hard time sharing your finace with you, will learn that you are here to stay and begin to accept you two as a package. Hang in there and congratulations on your upcoming wedding! This is in response to Katie’s post on April 22nd. Katie, I feel your pain. My husband and I dated long distance so I only moved to his town when we got engaged. There was a particularly difficult female intern on his staff that made it clear, in a passive aggressive way, that I was not welcome. My fiance at the time did the same as yours and offered to have a conversation for me but I didn’t want to open a can of worms.

I won’t say the first year was easy. I slowly set boundaries, and looking back wish I would have stood up for myself a little more. But I was coming in brand new and thought I’d never make friends that way. If you want to talk to her, I’d approach it humbly and ask, “I feel like I may have done something to offend you. Is there anything we need to get out on the table so we can better work together?” That puts the ball in her court and if it’s really just her issue then she’ll have to acknowledge it.

All that to say, I continually gave the situation to the Lord. I have now seen a pattern where, in His timing, He has had a way of removing those difficult people from our lives through various circumstances. After awhile she, and any others having a hard time sharing your finace with you, will learn that you are here to stay and begin to accept you two as a package. Hang in there and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

]]> By: Kara-Kae James http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1240 Kara-Kae James Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:13:15 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1240 Been there. And it was bad!! We were freshly married, and I was trying to be the best supportive wife possible and he was getting kicked around at 'work/church'. He was being incredibly patient and all I wanted to do was beat up some people!! I learned a lot through him in that time of submitting to authority and how much to take. I constantly had to hold my tongue around him, but thankfully I had a great YPW that understood and I could vent to. This helped me through! Been there. And it was bad!! We were freshly married, and I was trying to be the best supportive wife possible and he was getting kicked around at ‘work/church’. He was being incredibly patient and all I wanted to do was beat up some people!!

I learned a lot through him in that time of submitting to authority and how much to take. I constantly had to hold my tongue around him, but thankfully I had a great YPW that understood and I could vent to. This helped me through!

]]> By: Nikki http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1238 Nikki Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:15:04 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1238 I am so there right now. He is discouraged and I am ready to fight and holding my tongue is making me want to explode. Except change SP to SP's wife who thinks that she is in charge of my Dear Hubby just because she is married to SP. When do we let DH handle his business and when do we put SPW in her place? I am so there right now. He is discouraged and I am ready to fight and holding my tongue is making me want to explode. Except change SP to SP’s wife who thinks that she is in charge of my Dear Hubby just because she is married to SP. When do we let DH handle his business and when do we put SPW in her place?

]]> By: Jennifer http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1235 Jennifer Mon, 27 Apr 2009 13:26:08 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1235 Erica, Sometimes I offer to send "my people" to break knee caps. Obviously I could never do this because I don't actually have any "people". I does bring a smile when I mention it though. God Bless you and your ministry! Erica,

Sometimes I offer to send “my people” to break knee caps. Obviously I could never do this because I don’t actually have any “people”. I does bring a smile when I mention it though.

God Bless you and your ministry!

]]> By: ypwifey http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/heres-another-something.html#comment-1231 ypwifey Sun, 26 Apr 2009 18:57:15 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=254#comment-1231 At least you guys have a SP...At the church we are at, the SP retired the month after we got there! Now my husband (youth and children's pastor) is the only full time staffer with an interim SP who is in the office 1 day a week. It's almost been a year and this is by far the hardest place to serve yet. Every little thing gets delegated to him because they feel since he's the only one getting paid for full time, he can do these things. But really, it makes less time to do what his is called to do and he ends up spending more time on doing what all these church members think he should do. (I think calling at the house at dinner time because a light bulb needs to be changed is a little ridiculous.)---ok..done venting :) Many times I have wanted to lay into some of these people. They expect...demand so much of him it makes me hurt for him. I just listen to him and his frustrations because really, that's all I can do besides prayer. He does have pastor friends that understand what he's dealing with and I think that helps a ton! Good topic Amanda! At least you guys have a SP…At the church we are at, the SP retired the month after we got there! Now my husband (youth and children’s pastor) is the only full time staffer with an interim SP who is in the office 1 day a week. It’s almost been a year and this is by far the hardest place to serve yet. Every little thing gets delegated to him because they feel since he’s the only one getting paid for full time, he can do these things. But really, it makes less time to do what his is called to do and he ends up spending more time on doing what all these church members think he should do. (I think calling at the house at dinner time because a light bulb needs to be changed is a little ridiculous.)—ok..done venting :)

Many times I have wanted to lay into some of these people. They expect…demand so much of him it makes me hurt for him. I just listen to him and his frustrations because really, that’s all I can do besides prayer.

He does have pastor friends that understand what he’s dealing with and I think that helps a ton!

Good topic Amanda!

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