Subscribe to the NetworkHolding Patterns
I went to a High School weekend service the other day. I had such a flood of mixed emotions that I didn’t expect. I was really excited to be there with no kids, I was also terrified to be there because I don’t have many relationships with students right now, I don’t know very many volunteers either. I saw so many things I wanted to change and be a part of the change. I wanted to jump right in where I left off 6 years ago, and I know I can’t. When I stepped back to have my own family I really thought by now I would be back in full-force. I can’t imagine leading a small group of girls right now. Just the time alone, and then there are hormones and relationships (boys and girls), and the talking and the talking and the talking! When I was sitting there, just watching it all flash before me I realized….. I’m not ready!
And I couldn’t help but panic a little bit thinking I have been out of the game for so long I am so out of touch! And will I EVER be back in the game?? Do I want to be?? What does that mean for me in ministry?? I know that’s a lot to freak out about and I don’t need to solve it it one day, but it’s just different than what I had imagined for myself and my family in youth ministry.
I know my ministry right now is serving my family and my husband in many other different ways and I am happy to do it. But I can’t help but feel like I’m stuck in a holding pattern waiting for what use-to-be to start up again. Maybe what I am realizing is that what use-to-be isn’t going to happen, but something new is going to happen.
I don’t know… but I do know I can’t be alone in this “holding pattern”. Anyone feel stuck in a “holding pattern”? In ministry? In life?
Absolutely! My daughter is almost three so I’ve been “out of the loop” for only about three years but I find myself all the time floating in this holding pattern–unable to serve the teens like I used to (and LOVE to do) and trying to figure out the new “normal”.
Thank you for this. It’s so wonderful to know I’m not alone.