Comments on: Holding Patterns http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html Youth pastor's and ministers wives community and resources. Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:07:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.4 By: Brie http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1904 Brie Fri, 03 Dec 2010 01:01:44 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1904 I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, too. I love being home with my two boys (aged 2 and 8 months), and I totally understand that my main ministry right now is to them. In no way do I feel like they're interfering with my life or anything like that. But I do miss being more involved in youth ministry. That's where my heart is. Also, I miss having that connection with my husband--something we used to do together (Especially when he gets to go to camp for three weeks each summer. Believe it or not, I love camp and I miss it!). I guess what I'm feeling is...left out. I also feel confused sometimes, because I feel like God has placed certain youth ministry opportunites on my heart, and yet I'm not free to take those opportunities. Anyone else feel that way? I feel like I’m in a holding pattern, too. I love being home with my two boys (aged 2 and 8 months), and I totally understand that my main ministry right now is to them. In no way do I feel like they’re interfering with my life or anything like that. But I do miss being more involved in youth ministry. That’s where my heart is. Also, I miss having that connection with my husband–something we used to do together (Especially when he gets to go to camp for three weeks each summer. Believe it or not, I love camp and I miss it!). I guess what I’m feeling is…left out. I also feel confused sometimes, because I feel like God has placed certain youth ministry opportunites on my heart, and yet I’m not free to take those opportunities. Anyone else feel that way?

]]> By: Amanda http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1650 Amanda Sun, 31 Jan 2010 05:56:45 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1650 Wow, do I ever relate to this! Until we had kids I was right there with my husband involved deeply in youth ministry. Even after our daughter was born I was still quite involved, but then we were blessed with our son and now another daughter and things have changed so much! I miss being involved, I miss the relationships with the youth. I also get frustrated because I sometimes feel like it is harder for my husband to talk to me about his work because I don't always know who is who etc. like I used to. I love being a mom and it is something I always wanted but sometimes it is hard to accept that I just can't do everything. I know it is a season of life but I do miss doing youth ministry side by side with my husband. Thanks so much for this post, it is great to know others experience similar things! Wow, do I ever relate to this! Until we had kids I was right there with my husband involved deeply in youth ministry. Even after our daughter was born I was still quite involved, but then we were blessed with our son and now another daughter and things have changed so much! I miss being involved, I miss the relationships with the youth. I also get frustrated because I sometimes feel like it is harder for my husband to talk to me about his work because I don’t always know who is who etc. like I used to. I love being a mom and it is something I always wanted but sometimes it is hard to accept that I just can’t do everything. I know it is a season of life but I do miss doing youth ministry side by side with my husband. Thanks so much for this post, it is great to know others experience similar things!

]]> By: Jessica http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1648 Jessica Fri, 29 Jan 2010 20:02:27 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1648 One more thing, Elisha--date night--you both need it! If you know you have time with your husband elsewhere, you may not have to deal with coveting time w/ him during youth. Want to vent more? jess@stevansheets.com I'll pray for you, girl! Hang in there. One more thing, Elisha–date night–you both need it! If you know you have time with your husband elsewhere, you may not have to deal with coveting time w/ him during youth. Want to vent more? jess@stevansheets.com I’ll pray for you, girl! Hang in there.

]]> By: Jessica http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1647 Jessica Fri, 29 Jan 2010 20:00:07 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1647 Elisha, be kind to yourself, my dear! Have you talked to your hubby about this jealousy? Does he know youth ministry isn't as great as it used to be for you??? Girl, those women (unless something untoward is happening) are volunteers there for the KIDS, not the youth pastor.Does he have male volunteers, too? I hope so. Makes life awkward if he doesn't. Maybe you need a different ministry--it's not a crime to NOT want to hang out with teen girls right now. But, if he wants you there, talk about how you can best be utilized, even if it's being the "snack lady"! :-) Elisha, be kind to yourself, my dear! Have you talked to your hubby about this jealousy? Does he know youth ministry isn’t as great as it used to be for you??? Girl, those women (unless something untoward is happening) are volunteers there for the KIDS, not the youth pastor.Does he have male volunteers, too? I hope so. Makes life awkward if he doesn’t. Maybe you need a different ministry–it’s not a crime to NOT want to hang out with teen girls right now. But, if he wants you there, talk about how you can best be utilized, even if it’s being the “snack lady”! :-)

]]> By: Jessica http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1646 Jessica Fri, 29 Jan 2010 19:55:08 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1646 Totally, totally, totally get it up. I have an almost 4-yr-old and an 8 month old. I have been pregnant or w/ an infant the whole time we've been at this church. The only teens who even slightly know me are the guys that went on trips with us, but they barely know me. I've dealt with this holding pattern wondering when I will ever relate again. BUT, moms with kids are a new ministry that I UNDERSTAND and I have just decided to embrace it. I don't what to do other than just be there, bring a meal to a new mommy, offer to do nursery AGAIN or just hug a tired Mommy, but it's MINISTRY whether I saw myself doing it this way or not. Hang in there. Our kids will not need us one day and then we can do anything and everything (and miss them). Totally, totally, totally get it up. I have an almost 4-yr-old and an 8 month old. I have been pregnant or w/ an infant the whole time we’ve been at this church. The only teens who even slightly know me are the guys that went on trips with us, but they barely know me. I’ve dealt with this holding pattern wondering when I will ever relate again. BUT, moms with kids are a new ministry that I UNDERSTAND and I have just decided to embrace it. I don’t what to do other than just be there, bring a meal to a new mommy, offer to do nursery AGAIN or just hug a tired Mommy, but it’s MINISTRY whether I saw myself doing it this way or not. Hang in there. Our kids will not need us one day and then we can do anything and everything (and miss them).

]]> By: Diana http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1645 Diana Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:41:16 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1645 I so can relate to this! So interesting as a wife of a yp with young kids...supporting the ministry in prayer is the ministry so often...and vital. One day, maybe back in the game will be side by side with my husband, but maintaining our family and nurturing it to thrive is the priority. Plus, with my husband and I both working with youth leaves little energy, so I have learned to find other roles in the church...teaching my kids class, meeting neighbors, reaching out to other women in the area. Also dipping into a teen moms ministry through young life. Still working with kids to a point (but no commitment to leading a small group with four young ones at home right now) at such a different level--they are moms and teens. But, the priority has got to be Jesus--and quiet moments get crowded out so easily...which means time alone with Jesus. So, for me, I've got to step back and do what needs to be done so the source of my strength -relationship with Jesus--is nurtured. Then husband, then kids, then ministry. Often the last one on the list is minimal in a formal context. Seasons. Life is full of seasons. Love your perspective, Shannon! I so can relate to this! So interesting as a wife of a yp with young kids…supporting the ministry in prayer is the ministry so often…and vital. One day, maybe back in the game will be side by side with my husband, but maintaining our family and nurturing it to thrive is the priority. Plus, with my husband and I both working with youth leaves little energy, so I have learned to find other roles in the church…teaching my kids class, meeting neighbors, reaching out to other women in the area. Also dipping into a teen moms ministry through young life. Still working with kids to a point (but no commitment to leading a small group with four young ones at home right now) at such a different level–they are moms and teens. But, the priority has got to be Jesus–and quiet moments get crowded out so easily…which means time alone with Jesus. So, for me, I’ve got to step back and do what needs to be done so the source of my strength -relationship with Jesus–is nurtured. Then husband, then kids, then ministry. Often the last one on the list is minimal in a formal context. Seasons. Life is full of seasons. Love your perspective, Shannon!

]]> By: Angelina http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1644 Angelina Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:16:14 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1644 Amanda, Let me just tell you that you are TOTALLY doing ministry! This blog to youth pastor's wives is a HUGE ministry! I know I REALLY appreciate it! Thank you so much! I will pray that whatever God has for you (whether it is going back to serving HS girls or not) that you will be satisfied and encouraged! Amanda,

Let me just tell you that you are TOTALLY doing ministry! This blog to youth pastor’s wives is a HUGE ministry! I know I REALLY appreciate it! Thank you so much!

I will pray that whatever God has for you (whether it is going back to serving HS girls or not) that you will be satisfied and encouraged!

]]> By: elisha http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1643 elisha Fri, 29 Jan 2010 03:11:59 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1643 I've been in that holding pattern for 6 1/2 years now, and I finally jumped back in full speed ahead to the youth ministry. And ladies, I have to admit, I am not enjoying it at all! I am exhausted trying to keep up with the youth girls as well as my 3 daughters(7, 5, 2). I don't like just "hanging out" and I'm not enjoying the "drama" that happens with middle school girls ALL the time. But my biggest problem is that I don't want to give it up because I am having jealousy issues with the other ladies who volunteer with the youth getting to be around my husband more than me. So, I'm having insecurity issues! Ahhhhh, Lord help me! I’ve been in that holding pattern for 6 1/2 years now, and I finally jumped back in full speed ahead to the youth ministry. And ladies, I have to admit, I am not enjoying it at all! I am exhausted trying to keep up with the youth girls as well as my 3 daughters(7, 5, 2). I don’t like just “hanging out” and I’m not enjoying the “drama” that happens with middle school girls ALL the time. But my biggest problem is that I don’t want to give it up because I am having jealousy issues with the other ladies who volunteer with the youth getting to be around my husband more than me. So, I’m having insecurity issues! Ahhhhh, Lord help me!

]]> By: Sarah http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1642 Sarah Fri, 29 Jan 2010 02:18:37 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1642 This is all very VERY new to me!!! I have a 4 month old (#1)! And I have basically been in full time YM with my husband for the last 5 years.... Can I just tell you ldies that while I love being a new mom to my little man, I'm having a SUPER hard time transitioning out of YM!!!! I'm not sure if it would be any easier if my husband had a boring job, but he's off hanging out with some super amazing kids while I'm at home doing whatever it is that I do right now!!! This group that is graduating this year were 7th graders when we started and we are super close to them, but I already feel so out of touch.... thanks for letting me know that I am not crazy feeling like this all alone!!! This is all very VERY new to me!!! I have a 4 month old (#1)! And I have basically been in full time YM with my husband for the last 5 years…. Can I just tell you ldies that while I love being a new mom to my little man, I’m having a SUPER hard time transitioning out of YM!!!! I’m not sure if it would be any easier if my husband had a boring job, but he’s off hanging out with some super amazing kids while I’m at home doing whatever it is that I do right now!!! This group that is graduating this year were 7th graders when we started and we are super close to them, but I already feel so out of touch…. thanks for letting me know that I am not crazy feeling like this all alone!!!

]]> By: shannon http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/youth-ministry/holding-patterns.html#comment-1641 shannon Fri, 29 Jan 2010 01:59:03 +0000 http://www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com/?p=338#comment-1641 Yep, I get it!! My "holding pattern" is my new normal. Our eldest son is 12 and our youngest children are 6. I've been out of youth ministry for 12 years! There are so many times that I tell my YM veteran hubby that we live in parallel universes to some degree. He is in full-time ministry with the student ministries at church, while I am in full-time ministry with our 5 kiddos at home. When my kids were babies I had to find other ministries to serve in that were closer to my life-stage and spend times with others who could understand what it was like to be up all night with a little one with an ear-infection. :) And now that the kids are getting older...well, I still can't go back to YM at the church. I am beginning to think that with the crazy schedule that my hubby has, my job is to "fill in the gap" so to speak. Don't hear me wrong, my husband is a fabulous father, but his schedule IS CRAZY. I need to be available to the kiddos at home when he just can't be. So, yes. Sometimes that holding pattern does become the new normal and that's ok. As long as you can find somewhere to be involved and serve that does fit the new time and energy parameters that come with becoming a mommy, or full time worker, or whatever. Maybe it's not supposed to be the time intensive job of leading a small group, but being a greeter at church, or hanging at the visitor center, or the prayer room, or filling a smaller role in the YM--whatever. I think there is a lot of pressure in the YM community that youth ministry wives should be in YM along with their husbands. I really think it's ok, and healthy, for us to tell each other that it's ok not to be if we aren't feelin' it or don't have the time that is needed to do it well. Who knows- maybe when all my kiddos are grown, then I'll be ready to step back into leading a small group of high school girls. Now, wouldn't that be something!?! :) Yep, I get it!! My “holding pattern” is my new normal. Our eldest son is 12 and our youngest children are 6. I’ve been out of youth ministry for 12 years! There are so many times that I tell my YM veteran hubby that we live in parallel universes to some degree. He is in full-time ministry with the student ministries at church, while I am in full-time ministry with our 5 kiddos at home. When my kids were babies I had to find other ministries to serve in that were closer to my life-stage and spend times with others who could understand what it was like to be up all night with a little one with an ear-infection. :) And now that the kids are getting older…well, I still can’t go back to YM at the church. I am beginning to think that with the crazy schedule that my hubby has, my job is to “fill in the gap” so to speak. Don’t hear me wrong, my husband is a fabulous father, but his schedule IS CRAZY. I need to be available to the kiddos at home when he just can’t be. So, yes. Sometimes that holding pattern does become the new normal and that’s ok. As long as you can find somewhere to be involved and serve that does fit the new time and energy parameters that come with becoming a mommy, or full time worker, or whatever. Maybe it’s not supposed to be the time intensive job of leading a small group, but being a greeter at church, or hanging at the visitor center, or the prayer room, or filling a smaller role in the YM–whatever. I think there is a lot of pressure in the YM community that youth ministry wives should be in YM along with their husbands. I really think it’s ok, and healthy, for us to tell each other that it’s ok not to be if we aren’t feelin’ it or don’t have the time that is needed to do it well. Who knows- maybe when all my kiddos are grown, then I’ll be ready to step back into leading a small group of high school girls. Now, wouldn’t that be something!?! :)

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