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The Hard Question
by Laura H.
The high school that most of our students attend just got a shock yesterday. One of the students committed suicide. We have a few students that have attended elementary school through high school with this student, but none have said they were particularly “close” to this individual. Many students are asking questions, seeking solace, and probably dealing with anger and, maybe even some, guilt. Our students will now be a shoulder for other students at school to lean on. How are we (in ministry) equipping our students to help others through tragedies like this? Are we? Is their faith real enough, personal enough, strong enough to take the hit but maintain it’s depth? Or is their faith built on cushy sand (or could I even be more bold and specific as to say built on silly youth group games, fun events, & activities) that will wash away when a strong wave hits? Or, are we helping our students to know where to turn to when the tough times/questions hit? In a situation like this… when that best friend turns to a friend and says, “How could God let ‘Mike’ kill himself?” Will they at least be ready to say I don’t know, but stand firm on their faith in the One who loves and created that suicidal teen? Will they eventually be able to share about the hope they have? Or… will they have spent too much time in youth group playing games that they don’t really know what they believe?
Laura’s post really made me reflect on our HS ministry. When tragedy hits any youth group you really can find its pulse and what’s making it tick..the games, the relationships, the pastors, or the Lord. It can really reveal the “health” of the group. Its always good to keep asking the tough questions even if we are not ready to face the answers sometimes.
Hi Laura- I think this is a really good and tough question you asked. I think a youth group can really use this tragedy as an opportunity to reach out to the high school community. We recently had a student involved in a terrible ski accident so we held a 12 hour prayer for the student and the family. The injured student is not involved in the youth group but his brother comes fairly regularly. It was awesome to see the students come to pray for 15 minute increments…even students who had not come to our group in a few years and have since begun coming again. When tragedy strikes it is important to remind the students where to turn to by providing them with that opportunity. It was also a great opportunity for my husband and I to talk to and connect with students when they were finished praying as we were there for the 12 hours to supervise and make sure things ran smoothly.
In regards to your question about games…our junior high group and high school group do not play games. I have found that we are one of the few groups that take this approach. When my husband came on as the pastor of student ministries we decided to not play games because we only have the students for 90 minutes a week and we didn’t see any point to wasting 20+ with a game that does not produce spiritual growth. We saw an increase in attendance when we stopped the games because many new students found the games to be awkward and frankly any silly game we would be able to pull off cannot compete with the pricey game systems and entertainment they have at home.
We also struggle to find a way to convey God’s love and mercy at times like this. A few years ago we also had to deal with a suicide within our group.
The questions come…”Why” “What does this mean” “Where was God when this happened”.
The answer: (one of many) The same place he has always been, waiting for us to turn to Him. He is always there waiting for us and he will not abandon us to our hurt and pain even if it seems there is no way out. We cannot change what has happened but we can have a different future with our life surrendered to Christ.
I agree that the health of your group can be revealed when tragedy strikes. What Heather’s group did by praying with the kids was awesome. Prayer opens the door to healing and wisdom.
I also agree with eliminating games as a regular activity when you meet for your regular youth night. You have precious little time with them and sometimes it is just 20 wasted minutes. We schedule a “game night” as an extra activity once in a while and try to provide several things that would interest different people. Video, board games, outside stuff etc.
Tough question – tougher answers. Not every kid will respond in the same way.
I will be praying for you and your students in the days to come.
I think this is a huge wake-up call to all of us in youth ministry. Life is not easy when you’re a teenager. I was just there not that long ago (I’m 23) and I can already see there are SO many things they’re dealing with that I didn’t have to.
I think we underestimate the youth sometimes. They are dealing with things way beyond their maturity level. Fair? Not really. But it’s reality and we need to accomodate that and speak to that so we can lead them through these things in fellowship. I see that the more honest I am with my girls (I am a leader, my husband is the Pastor), the more open they are with me.