Just to relate to you and the other ladies here, the one main thing I have learned in our 2 1/2 years of newly wed youth ministry is that there will always be people talking behind your back and there will always be people judging you. That is just the life of a minister and ministry wives. It is unfortunate to know this fact is real, but we are a fallen society with imperfect people.

When my husband was candidating at the church we are currently at, there was a “special” meeting of concerned parents for his candidacy. Not because of him, but because I was an unwed mother when he married me and they were fearful of the witness I would be to their teens. Can you believe that? A whole special mtg about me. The pastors wife!

Well, he got the job. But, over the past 2 1/2 years there has been continuous whispering behind our backs about how we are not living up to unspoken expectations and no one telling us what we/he are doing wrong just making lists until it gets so long that they need to vomit it all up at him (this is my husband’s first paid pastorship)! To our faces it is all courteous stuff from the people around us. It makes me very insecure where we are. We have also unfortunately found out that if you are being paid by the church, the body seems to find that it is now their “right” to expect certain things out of you because you are being paid regardless of your job description which makes it hard to feel at home in our own home church.
But, on the bright side of things, if you look past all this imperfection, you can see the hurt in these peoples’ eyes. You can see the turmoil in teen families. You can see, from God’s perspective, why compassion and mercy are so essential to ministry. The angry expectations are usually fed by something else going on in a person’s life. And it is through these tough things that we can see the purpose of ministry and the love God truly has for each one of us. As angry and inseure as I may feel at times, it is because of these hardships that I find the real meaning of ministry and the real meaning of “forgiveness”. Praise God for His Forgiveness for all of our failngs! I wouldn’t be here today without them.

Don’t be discouraged Sarah. If you know you are following God’s lead, He will take care of the rest.

Thanks so much – I will email if that’s ok! Hosanna, my email is sarahk245@hotmail.com: if we do get married it’s going to be early spring, and I’m very happy to share with you the joys and pains if you just want someone to shout at….

I’m thinking that we need to add a forum to this website?! I could kiss Amanda for starting this!

Thanks everyone,
Sarah

I feel for you. That is a very difficult situation. I once had a pastor’s wife tell me that if i didn’t feel called by God to be a pastor’s wife, then I shouldn’t marry a pastor. Well, I have never felt called to be a pastor’s wife, but I did very clearly feel called by God to be my husband’s wife, and he happens to be a pastor. While I don’t agree with the fact that you need to have a specific calling to be a pastor’s wife, I do believe that knowing God’s will about who you marry is very important. Marriage is stressful (fun too), but stressful, and being married to a (youth) pastor doesn’t help. I would love to “talk” more about this with you if you have more questions/concerns. I love and respect marriage, and think it should be entered into with much more thought than our society usually says to give it. I applaud you for thinking hard about this. Not marrying someone you love a lot would be really hard, but marrying the wrong someone is even harder. My email is egores@hotmail.com if you want to “talk” more about it.

Just one problem: I have absolutely no wish to attend his church. I’m not from a charismatic background, and so I’m often just kind of feeling my way with some of the stuff which has been going on at his church. This has resulted in him being challenged by his senior pastor as to whether he should marry me, because apparently I have “head faith” and am not pursuing God?! This is on top of a stream of comments basically all suggesting that I’m perhaps not “Christian enough” for him. Now I’d like to point out here that we met at Bible College (not that that’s a guarantee of someone’s faith – but when I say that I really do love God, it gives you an idea)

I think what’s really topped it off is the amount of behind his back comments he’s had, twisting his words to the point of lies and then getting it round the church. To be honest, I’m really scared. I love him and God so much, but I really just don’t know if I want to be marrying someone who’s in full time youth work, especially when it’s going to involve going to a church where if I’m honest I feel pre-judged, unwanted and very unwelcome (and I’ve only been there 4 times!!!!). Plus, I HATE that people are hurting my man! and the constant scrutiny that it seems it’s going to mean living under?

Any words of wisdom from anyone, would really really be appreciated. Thanks!

Shari